Haven Christian Counseling

11/24/2025

“Withered Places”

One Sabbath day Jesus went to the synagogue to teach, and there was a man there with a withered right hand. His name is not mentioned, only his disability. Withered is a very descriptive word, and describes what happens to a plant when it shrivels up and dies. Jesus shows up, has compassion in him and tells him to “stretch out his hand.” His hand is immediately restored just like his other hand. In seconds he went from being defined by his disability, to being totally restored. Every one of us has at least one place in our lives that has dried up, or is withering. What areas may be “withered” in your life? What may you need to be confront or surrender? Is it unconfessed sin, a deep emotional wound, burnout, abandoned dreams, grudges or loneliness? Whatever it is, Jesus has the power to heal it and wants more for you! Jesus asked this man do do something he couldn’t do on his own. What may Jesus be asking you to do that you can not do on your own? This man obeyed Jesus and stretched out his hand in faith. This required him to face his own fears and to be vulnerable in front of those present. I am always honored and grateful when someone shares something with me during a counseling or prayer session that they have never told anyone. I thank them for their courage and willingness to be vulnerable. Some of them have carried the shame of their “secret” for years. It brings me great joy and I love to see the visible lightness and relief on their faces by the end of those sessions. Jesus is like that, he brings a lightness and waters our withered places. When we allow him into those places, he takes what is broken and brings restoration. Maybe you have done everything in your power to try to heal, but what if it’s not about us trying harder or being more spiritual. Could it simply be allowing His compassion and love to reach into those places that have been thirsty for years?

Lord, I open up all of the hidden and secret places in my life to you and say, “Come in.” I need Your help! I surrender completely to Your will. There is no place Your love can not reach. Come and quench my deepest thirst. I drink deeply from Your fountain of life. Water me by the power of Your Word and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Remove all worldly dependence, and transform me into Your likeness. Amen.

11/18/2025

Have you ever wondered, “Why can’t I just get over this and move on?” Someone says something hurtful or maybe you got fired from your job. You want to be able to just let it roll off your back and move on. But, your brain just keeps playing the same old tape over and over again. Unfortunately, our brains don’t have an off switch. In psychology we call this rumination. The word originates from the way cows chew their cud, swallow it, and then bring it back up to chew some more(yuck). Rumination is our brains way of trying to solve a problem. Our brains are trying to help us find a solution so that we can take action and resolve the issue. The problem is that not everything is fixable. Therefore, we get stuck in the hamster wheel of ruminating thoughts which causes us ongoing emotional distress. And then, to make matters even worse, we beat ourselves up for not being able to get over our struggles and then take on shame! What to do?

Put on the mind of Christ. Shift Your attention or distract your brain by thinking about, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:18

If someone hurt you, forgive them and visualize handing them, and your hurt over to God

Label the thought(out loud is even better)- this reduces activity in the amygdala and lowers emotional intensity. For example, “I am having a thought that something bad will happen, I will choose to trust God…. or I notice that this is my brain reacting to a threat that isn’t actually happening now, I’m safe.”

Remember the devil will try to rob you of your future by keeping you in the past. Rehearsing the negative things from your past over and over is coming into agreement with the enemy’s plans and giving him a foothold.

It can also be helpful to figure out what the core emotion is behind the rumination. It’s usually triggered by something like shame, fear or unresolved loss/grief. Do the opposite of what you want to do when you feel those emotions arise. If you want to isolate-call someone, or if you want to lay on the couch-go for a walk. Find a bible verse that addresses your core emotion and memorize it for those times you need to refocus. Example, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

11/13/2025

Hypervigilance means you’re constantly expecting the worst is about to happen,every single day, every single minute.
It looks like: Scanning the room for exits. Jumping at sudden noises and failing to trust other people. You're struggling to relax, even when you “know” you’re safe in this very moment. It’s lying awake at night, heart pounding, replaying scenarios just in case.
Your mind may understand you’re safe, but your body still carries the images and sensations of past danger. Safety isn’t something you think. It’s something you feel.
That’s why affirmations or “talking it out” can often fall flat. They can’t convince your nervous system.
ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) helps by reprocessing those images, releasing the charge, and letting your body experience a deep felt sense of safety. Not just in thought, but in your entire being.
It brings the safety you can finally experience, not just wish for.
Find an ART-trained therapist near you www.ARTworksnow.com

11/10/2025

Safe vs. Unsafe Relationships
According to Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend in their book, “Safe People.” Safe relationships are the ones that draw us closer to God, draw us closer to others, and help us to become the person we were created be.
Many people have deep wounds and trust issues from being hurt by unsafe people. They often struggle to find healthy relationships and seem to even attract unsafe people. This can lead to ongoing abusive relationships or a total shut down and avoidance of intimacy. Both are damaging and keep people stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns. So how can we determine who is safe emotionally? What is healthy vs. unhealthy?

Healthy

Motivation- wanting wisdom and to stay healthy emotionally.
Belief- “It is ok to let people in, I will gradually open up as trust grows”
Actions- You set clear boundaries, speak up for yourself, but are open to connection and building trust
Feelings-peaceful and safe
It honors God by allowing love to flow in and flow out

Unhealthy

Motivation- hurt, fear or shame
Belief- “If I let people in, they will hurt me”
Actions-You withdraw to avoid being hurt, shut down, and assume rejection before it happens
Feelings-lonely, anxious and unseen
It keeps you from receiving the comfort and love God wants to give through others

You don’t have to justify keeping a boundary. You are allowed to protect your peace. Jesus himself didn’t trust everyone- He loved all, but was discerning about who he let close or in his inner circle (John 2:24-25). Pay attention to your body and spirit. If you leave feeling lighter, calmer and more yourself-that is a good sign. If you leave feeling drained, small, or tense-that is a warning sign. Safe people help you to grow, not shrink. Safe people’s words and actions line up. Consistency over time is the truest sign of safety. Ask God for discernment.

11/06/2025

11/04/2025

“In a word, if love reigns in our heart, we become, in a complete and luminous way, the persons we are meant to be, for every human being is created above all else for love. In the deepest fiber of our being, we were made to love and to be loved,” Pope Francis

Most if not all of our problems are caused by a lack of love, or the inability to receive love. Authentic love reflects the true nature and character of God. It doesn’t begin with human efforts or emotion. God’s message to us, “I love you no matter what, I am not afraid of your mistakes and flaws and you don’t have to be afraid of them either.” Love and fear are enemies and have opposite agendas. God’s perfect love casts out all fear and changes our hearts so that we can genuinely love others. The best way to cast out fear relationally is to leave no doubt in the mind of others and yourself that you are loved. Like a lamp that must be plugged into a power source in order to produce light, we must stay connected to the source of love in order to walk in and receive genuine love.

Characteristics of Authentic Love

Unconditional- Not withdrawing love when someone makes a mistake and being quick to forgive.

2. Selfless- Not out for personal gain, but gives without expecting something in return.

3. Honest- Vulnerable and speaks the truth with kindness and courage, even when hard
or uncomfortable. Promises are kept.

4. Respectful- Not controlling, pressuring or manipulative. Honors boundaries and willing
to validate another’s point of view even when it is different.

5. Safe- Encourages growth, isn’t envious. It is consistent and reliable even when emotions
waver. Nurturing instead of judging.

6. Accountable- Takes responsibility for emotional patterns, behaviors and past traumas.
Doing the necessary work in order to heal.

10/28/2025

Jesus was perhaps the only one in the world who ever fully lived securely and completely trusting God. Most of us have a tendency to follow our own ways when it feels risky or too dangerous to obey the will of God. I would like to say that I was immediately obedient and didn’t grapple with actively pursuing opening a Healing Center here in Charleston. I often hear people talk about how they want to start a ministry with such excitement and passion. I was NOT that person for many reasons. But, mainly I think it was because I knew the cost, commitment, pain and sacrifice that it was going to take to accept the call. I have been in the church long enough to know how hard ministry is and what it can do to good people. Mark 9:35 says, “if any man would be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” I don’t know about you, but this world has taught me that being a servant is hard and not a very desirable position. Jesus describes himself as meek and lowly of heart. I think He is saying that it is a good thing and not dangerous to be lowly, insignificant or unappreciated. This is so countercultural to our current world and mentality. We expect to be noticed, appreciated and understood. I have noticed that most murmuring and complaining within an organization happens when people feel unheard, misunderstood, set aside or unappreciated. This then leads to disappointment and hurt, which if left unhealed can cause division or destroy Christian fellowship. What if we as Christians could get to the place of being so secure in Christ that we could courageously remain at peace when unnoticed, misunderstood or set aside?
Lord, give us the courage to remain unnoticed, set aside and misunderstood. You never did anything in order to gain recognition or become popular. Help us to be so secure in Your love and trust you completely. May we be strong and courageous and willing to go against current cultural norms. You chose to be meek and lowly. Help us at Healing Haven to be a pure and humble ministry that brings glory to You. Help us to make people feel seen, heard and appreciated. Amen!

10/28/2025

“The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with out friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

10/21/2025

So beautiful to see this firsthand! :)

10/20/2025

Is Your God too Small?

“Many men and women today are living, often with inner dissatisfaction, without any faith in God at all. This is . . . because they have not found with their adult minds a God big enough . . . J.B. Phillips.”

Many of us have weak theology and/or a wrong “image of God.” I often find that my patients have wrong or distorted beliefs in this area. Our understanding of who God is often comes from our past experiences, cultural background and religious beliefs. For example, if I am struggling to trust in God, then my view of God lacks the awesome, glorious, and immeasurable power and authority that the true God of the Bible holds! I think part of the problem is that we want a God who is manageable, predictable, safe and that we can control. We want to be able to understand and explain His ways and never get confused or disappointed by His actions or lack of action on our behalf. We know Him only in part, and often from our minds alone. We have not fully let him have entire access to our hearts. God is far beyond our understanding, so using our own understanding will keep Him small. Our awareness of God should be constantly evolving and growing. In his book, The Idea of the Holy, German theologian Rudolph Otto says that we should stand before God in drop jaw awe – beyond words and concepts. When we realize that God is beyond our comprehension, we stand at the edge of our unknowing either in fear or trust, depending on whether we imagine a wrathful or a loving God.

Lord, forgive us for limiting You and confining You. You are far too great and far too big to comprehend; but our desire is to know You better, deeper, more intimately than ever before. May trust in You replace our dependency on ourselves. May we stand in Holy awe before You.

10/16/2025

From trauma to test anxiety, Accelerated Resolution Therapy® (ART) is helping clients feel better quickly.

Instead of “things get worse before they get better,” ART often brings relief in just one session, leaving clients smiling, calm, and free from old symptoms.

Find an ART trained therapist near you. www.ARTworksnow.com

10/14/2025

Oneness with Christ

“But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” 1 Corinthians 6:17. Oneness with God opens the door for intimacy and understanding. It is a place of peace and contentment. It is a living bond that not even death can break.

At the end of the day, I think we all just want to be authentically loved and accepted. We long to feel safe enough to just be ourselves and know we will be accepted regardless. But, because of the fear of rejection or of not fitting in, we strive to fit in even if that means changing ourselves to be what we think others want. We often go looking for belonging and happiness in places that are not truly fulfilling or that can even be destructive. We know about God’s love, but don’t know Him as love! Jesus never sought out to be accepted by others. He was secure in knowing that He was the beloved Son of God. In John 17:20-23: Jesus prayed, “that all of them may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I am in You.”

“Against the prevailing mindset of our day—you are what you make of yourself—union with Christ tells you that you can discover your real self only in relation to the One who made you. You are not, you cannot be, self-made. Union with Christ tells you that you can only understand who you are in communion with God and others. And that is a wildly countercultural claim.”― Rankin Wilbourne