Haven Christian Counseling

01/20/2026

Why doesn’t God intervene? I am glad that others in the Bible have asked this question. In Job chapter 21, Job is having a heated discussion with his friends about how the wicked go unpunished. He is wondering why God seems to treat people unfairly. After all, isn’t God supposed to reward the good and punish the bad? Deuteronomy 32:4 says, “The Rock, His work is perfect, for all his ways are justice. A God of faithfulness without iniquity; just and upright is he.” Could it be that God’s idea of justice is beyond ours? Human justice focuses on punishing the guilty and retaliation. God’s justice seeks to restore, heal and redeem. Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Sometimes God doesn’t intervene because he sees a bigger picture. Jeremiah the prophet also asked God this same question in Jeremiah 12:1, “Why does the way of the wicked prosper?” God responded in vs.5, “If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?” In other words, he seems to be saying that you are going to need to have better endurance for what is ahead. Maybe God loves us too much to let us settle for less than what He believes we can be? There is also the reality that some growth only happens through struggle. God often works through suffering rather than removing it, in order to help us get stronger. But most importantly, we must tell ourselves that God’s lack of intervention does not mean lack of care!! God does not leave us when we are suffering-He is present through our suffering. Satan loves to try and get us to question God’s goodness and our identity when we are going through hardship. Don’t let him! 2 Corinthians 4:17 says, “Our present troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” God is redemptive and wastes nothing. Humility and dependence on God grows in these places of pain.

Lord, you see our weariness and confusion. Some days we grow tired of trusting without seeing and hoping when circumstances don’t seem to change. Yet we know you are always good, even when life is not. Give us endurance and teach us how to lean on You. Anchor us in Your truth and remind us that this suffering is not meaningless and without purpose. Let Your Presence be our comfort when answers do not come. Fill us with courage and unwavering faith. Help us to run with the horses and go beyond our human limitations. You have the final word and I choose to trust in You! Amen.

01/13/2026

Add an Omega-3 supplement to your daily routine. Studies suggest that Omega-3 supplements can positively impact stress, anxiety, depression, sleep quality, and everyday memory in individuals with psychological distress.

01/13/2026

The word “trigger” has become a sort of buzz word these days and is being used flippantly to describe strong emotions, or things that rub people the wrong way. When it comes to mental health, being triggered means re-experiencing trauma symptoms when exposed to an internal or external cue. Clinically speaking, a trigger is when your brain registers a physical or emotional threat. Very simply, a threat is detected, your brain signals danger and your body goes into fight or flight mode overriding the prefrontal cortex where logical thinking occurs. This happens within seconds and the person being triggered has little conscious control in that moment. This happens when a painful memory or experience is “tripped" in the brain. How amazing is it that God gave us this “safety feature.” When trauma occurs big or small, this “fear center” can become overactive and mistake safe situations as threats. When traumatic experiences are not processed correctly, your nervous system’s ability to distinguish past trauma from present safety is impaired. Common triggers are feeling criticized, out of control, rejected, dismissed, abandoned, unappreciated, unsafe or misunderstood. With PTSD, triggers can be places, smells or sounds. Whenever a moment feels bigger than it should, an old wound or trauma is likely being triggered by your current situation. A really big reaction is often an indicator that the wound/trauma is really big. It is important to realize that triggers are not a sign of spiritual weakness or failure! They are indicators that something needs to be tended to or recognized. When you react to a trigger, be careful not to go straight to shame and ask yourself questions like, “Why am I like this, or What is wrong with me?” It is better to ask yourself “What am I needing in this moment or What am I feeling?” Spend some time in prayer bringing your emotions to God, and invite Him to show you what you may need to learn. For example, if you feel unsafe, remind yourself in that moment that you are safe and use a scripture like Psalm 91:1 “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Or, if you are feeling misunderstood, remind yourself that Psalm 34:17-18 says, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

01/06/2026

“Healing does not come by avoiding relational conflict, it comes when we learn to trust the repair process.”

Rupture is inevitable in relationships. A rupture can be big or small. It happens when there is a break in connection between two people. It can occur as a result of painful interactions, misunderstandings, assumptions, misattunement, or betrayal. But if handled carefully and correctly, ruptures can actually strengthen a relationship. If repair doesn’t occur, then resentment builds and the relationship deteriorates. Repair is about growth and healing cracks within the relationship. The key to its effectiveness is how well the ruptures is handled and that it is repaired. Is the rupture ignored and left to fester, or is it acknowledged and tended to? To repair the rupture, the first step is acknowledging the rupture. The second step is to pray and invite God to speak and heal! The relationship between Peter and Jesus was ruptured by Peter’s betrayal. Jesus initiated a repair by showing compassion, forgiving him, and giving him another chance. Often, the person who is more emotionally mature initiates the repair process. In this case, my guess is that Peter had so much shame around his behavior that he was unable to initiate the repair himself? I don’t think it matters who initiates, but you aren’t necessarily off the hook to be the initiator even when you are the one hurt or betrayed. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” The next step is to see if there is a mutual willingness to work towards repair. An effective repair looks like: listening to one another(without defensiveness), accepting responsibility for your part, apology+planned behavioral change, forgiveness, clarifying expectations moving forward and rebuilding trust. If the person is willing, but is inconsistent in changing their behavior then you need to set boundaries and consider getting outside help from a pastor or therapist. If the person is not willing, refuses to stop behavior and/or take responsibility, then you may need to release or let them go. Releasing someone requires discernment, and requires following the steps mentioned in Matthew 18:15-17. Scripture commands us to forgive others when they hurt us, but it does not say we have to reconcile or stay in an emotionally harmful relationship.

01/01/2026

12/30/2025

How do you respond in times of uncertainty? There are two distinct ways we tend to process unknowns. One is to focus on the future, and the other is to focus on the present. Focusing on the future stirs up fear and anxiety, but remaining present in the moment helps you to accept that life is unpredictable and trust God. Fear and anxiety lead to wanting control, while staying present leads to acceptance and trust. However, uncertainty can be unsettling for anyone, especially for those already diagnosed with a mental health condition. Our brain is programmed to seek predictability and control, so when faced with uncertainty, it can go into overdrive. The body will go into fight or flight mode, release hormones that cause us to stay in a state of distress. In those moments the physiological symptoms can keep you from being able to look at things from a more logical standpoint. David experienced significant uncertainty throughout his life, especially when he fled from Saul and felt abandoned by God. He says to the Lord in Psalm 13:1, “How long , O Lord?” The apostle Paul also faced uncertainty throughout his ministry from imprisonment to shipwrecks. So what can we learn from their challenges?

It is ok to be honest and express our feelings of fear and abandonment. Faith begins with honest admission.
Shift from needing or wanting to control your circumstances to surrendering and trusting in God’s character. Instead of telling yourself “I need to know what will happen” change it to “I need to trust that God is faithful whatever happens.”
Take action, both Paul and David responded in faith and prayed to God. They remained courageous and held onto faith during times of uncertainty. James 1:2-4 encourages us to consider it joy when facing trials, as these challenges test our faith and produce perseverance. This perseverance leads us to spiritual maturity, making us complete and lacking nothing.
Community support. Galations 6:2 says to carry one another’s burdens. Community can provide us with support, encouragement and help motivate us to remain faithful when things are difficult.

12/16/2025

“Patience is a virtue” or so the saying goes. I have heard patience defined as waiting with grace and without complaining. We live in a society that dislikes waiting. There is high speed internet, fast food, same day delivery and on-demand everything. Often, waiting is viewed as disruptive, inefficient, unproductive or an obstacle to getting the things we want. But according to research, those who learn to be patient have lower stress levels, have better communication and understanding in relationships, are less impulsive, have better self-control and are more resilient. So why is waiting so difficult? Neuroscience shows that when we are forced to wait, our brain’s two main systems start a tug of war. The Amygdala(alarm center) is saying “do something” and the Prefrontal Cortex(logic and reasoning center) is saying, “evaluate, breathe and problem solve.” When the Amygdala wins, impatience floods our bodies with cortisol, fight or flight kicks in and we leak energy. When the Prefrontal Cortex wins, patience helps us to regulate our nervous system and respond rather than react. To see this in effect, just watch people around you at the airport when a flight is cancelled. Some people pause and think, while others race up to the attendant desk. In a study of 440 university students, researchers found that patient people had higher levels of empathy, altruism and discipline. They also found that patient people were less prone to negative emotions and stress. Patience is therefore something we all want to practice.

So, how do we grow in patience and learn to be ok with waiting?

Patience is a fruit of the Spirit and part of God’s nature. So most importantly, we need to stay connected to God. Praying and meditating helps us to calm our nervous system. If you are feeling the need to act, pause and let truth lead instead of fear. God is working while we wait. Reframe waiting as training, and do it without complaining. Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart.” Let hardship soften you, not harden you. Don’t lose hope. Romans 5:3-4, “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope.” Respond rather than react, and ask yourself what God might be forming in you right now? James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” And finally, remember how patient God is with you. Recall moments when God waited on you, forgave you, or met you gently.

12/08/2025

Inner Peace

Inner peace is one of those things that we all crave. Peace can be defined as a state of tranquility or calmness that transcends circumstances. The Hebrew word for peace is “shalom,” and it means “wholeness” or “completeness.” The word ‘peace’ appears nearly 429 times in the Bible, which tells us why the phrase “Peace be with you” is so important. In John 14:27 Jesus says, “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” Jesus gave us a legacy of peace! It is a gift, not something we need to earn or attain. In Ephesians 2:14, Paul says, “Jesus himself is our peace.” Peace is more than a feeling or emotion, peace is a person! We can never be complete or whole on our own. But, if you are like like me, you often start the day off in peace, but find yourself without peace by the afternoon. Something happens, or gradually throughout the day my focus shifts from being sensitive to the Holy Spirit to being sensitive to fear, emotions, or stress. I have come to realize that the moment I cease to look up or keep my eyes fixed on Jesus(the Prince of Peace), my peace wavers.

Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts and minds.” The word rule here literally means to act like an umpire or to decide what is in you. That means my thoughts, feelings or fears do not get to dominate or have the final say! Christ gets to be the deciding voice in my heart and mind. So when anxiety creeps in, I can pause, breathe and pray, “Jesus, please come and rule in this moment. Holy Spirit meet me here. Let your voice of peace be the voice I listen to above all others.”

12/02/2025

Crying is a natural human response to intense emotions. Crying releases several hormones, including cortisol, oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals that can help ease pain and relieve stress.The Psalms are full of passion and expressed emotions. Almost a third of the 150 Psalms are classified as expressions of grief and sadness. There is also an entire book in the OT called Lamentations that is a poetic expression of grief and mourning. I think we can learn something from the lament that is described in Scripture. Individuals and communities commonly expressed their pain to God. This helped them process suffering and turn to God for Divine help. We don’t tell someone with a broken leg to just pray more or ignore the pain, yet we often tell people with emotional pain to just pray more or move on? In my office, it is rare for people to not apologize if they start crying. Yet, no one should ever have to apologize for having a natural bioregulatory repsonse. But, in our society, people are not really encouraged to cry. Many people are taught that emotions are meant to be hidden or controlled, or not felt at all. Crying is labeled as “dramatic.” Being emotional makes you “week”, “unstable” or “too sensitive”.

But, tears are important to God. Tears can be a form of honest communication and connection. Some things are just too deep for language. So often, we can release much of the pain that we are carrying by just honestly expressing it out loud. And if someone is present and attuned, the act of crying allows your nervous system to move from feeling overwhelmed to a more balanced state.

It is essential for us to normalize crying as a part of the human experience. Let’s create an environment where we can share both our joys and our sorrows without fear or shame. Embrace your emotions, and remember: it’s perfectly okay to cry. At the end of the day, crying just like every other response to emotions passes, it won’t last forever. “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.” Psalm 126:5

11/24/2025

“Withered Places”

One Sabbath day Jesus went to the synagogue to teach, and there was a man there with a withered right hand. His name is not mentioned, only his disability. Withered is a very descriptive word, and describes what happens to a plant when it shrivels up and dies. Jesus shows up, has compassion in him and tells him to “stretch out his hand.” His hand is immediately restored just like his other hand. In seconds he went from being defined by his disability, to being totally restored. Every one of us has at least one place in our lives that has dried up, or is withering. What areas may be “withered” in your life? What may you need to be confront or surrender? Is it unconfessed sin, a deep emotional wound, burnout, abandoned dreams, grudges or loneliness? Whatever it is, Jesus has the power to heal it and wants more for you! Jesus asked this man do do something he couldn’t do on his own. What may Jesus be asking you to do that you can not do on your own? This man obeyed Jesus and stretched out his hand in faith. This required him to face his own fears and to be vulnerable in front of those present. I am always honored and grateful when someone shares something with me during a counseling or prayer session that they have never told anyone. I thank them for their courage and willingness to be vulnerable. Some of them have carried the shame of their “secret” for years. It brings me great joy and I love to see the visible lightness and relief on their faces by the end of those sessions. Jesus is like that, he brings a lightness and waters our withered places. When we allow him into those places, he takes what is broken and brings restoration. Maybe you have done everything in your power to try to heal, but what if it’s not about us trying harder or being more spiritual. Could it simply be allowing His compassion and love to reach into those places that have been thirsty for years?

Lord, I open up all of the hidden and secret places in my life to you and say, “Come in.” I need Your help! I surrender completely to Your will. There is no place Your love can not reach. Come and quench my deepest thirst. I drink deeply from Your fountain of life. Water me by the power of Your Word and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Remove all worldly dependence, and transform me into Your likeness. Amen.

11/18/2025

Have you ever wondered, “Why can’t I just get over this and move on?” Someone says something hurtful or maybe you got fired from your job. You want to be able to just let it roll off your back and move on. But, your brain just keeps playing the same old tape over and over again. Unfortunately, our brains don’t have an off switch. In psychology we call this rumination. The word originates from the way cows chew their cud, swallow it, and then bring it back up to chew some more(yuck). Rumination is our brains way of trying to solve a problem. Our brains are trying to help us find a solution so that we can take action and resolve the issue. The problem is that not everything is fixable. Therefore, we get stuck in the hamster wheel of ruminating thoughts which causes us ongoing emotional distress. And then, to make matters even worse, we beat ourselves up for not being able to get over our struggles and then take on shame! What to do?

Put on the mind of Christ. Shift Your attention or distract your brain by thinking about, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:18

If someone hurt you, forgive them and visualize handing them, and your hurt over to God

Label the thought(out loud is even better)- this reduces activity in the amygdala and lowers emotional intensity. For example, “I am having a thought that something bad will happen, I will choose to trust God…. or I notice that this is my brain reacting to a threat that isn’t actually happening now, I’m safe.”

Remember the devil will try to rob you of your future by keeping you in the past. Rehearsing the negative things from your past over and over is coming into agreement with the enemy’s plans and giving him a foothold.

It can also be helpful to figure out what the core emotion is behind the rumination. It’s usually triggered by something like shame, fear or unresolved loss/grief. Do the opposite of what you want to do when you feel those emotions arise. If you want to isolate-call someone, or if you want to lay on the couch-go for a walk. Find a bible verse that addresses your core emotion and memorize it for those times you need to refocus. Example, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

11/13/2025

Hypervigilance means you’re constantly expecting the worst is about to happen,every single day, every single minute.
It looks like: Scanning the room for exits. Jumping at sudden noises and failing to trust other people. You're struggling to relax, even when you “know” you’re safe in this very moment. It’s lying awake at night, heart pounding, replaying scenarios just in case.
Your mind may understand you’re safe, but your body still carries the images and sensations of past danger. Safety isn’t something you think. It’s something you feel.
That’s why affirmations or “talking it out” can often fall flat. They can’t convince your nervous system.
ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy) helps by reprocessing those images, releasing the charge, and letting your body experience a deep felt sense of safety. Not just in thought, but in your entire being.
It brings the safety you can finally experience, not just wish for.
Find an ART-trained therapist near you www.ARTworksnow.com