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Haven Christian Counseling, 1125 Landou Lane, Mount Pleasant, SC (2026)

04/14/2026

Shame doesn’t knock politely, it attacks! We all feel ashamed of ourselves now and again, but there is a difference between short-lived feelings of shame and chronic feelings of shame. A shame “attack” isn’t just feeling bad, it is feeling that you ARE bad. Shame attacks the core of your identity. A shame “attack” can happen suddenly, be intense, overwhelming, and/or triggered by specific situations or memories. Emotional symptoms can be feeling worthless or inadequate, desiring to withdraw or hide, fear of rejection or being “found out” and hopelessness. Some of the physical symptoms people experience are tightness in the chest, a sinking feeling in their stomach, rapid heartbeat, feeling frozen, numb or disconnected. Spiritually, you may feel distant from God, believe you have disappointed Him, or that He is mad at you. At the core of chronic shame is constant self-criticism. This is often so ingrained in people that they are not even aware that they have a loud inner critic. Their inner critic is constantly berating them and telling them they are not good enough and will never be good enough. Psalm 34:5 says, “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” And in Romans 10:11 the scripture says that “Anyone who believes in Him, will never be put to shame.” Therefore, belief in Christ can liberate us from chronic shame. Shame says to hide, but God says to come close. Shame says you are unworthy, God says you are worthy. Being able to recognize a shame attack when it starts is powerful. Naming what is happening helps breaks the cycle of self-criticism and allows you to choose to believe the truth of how God sees you rather than agreeing with lies. You are fully seen and loved! Jesus took all of our shame upon himself at the cross. We overcome by agreeing with Him and receiving His grace. Run towards God today, not away!

Lord, I confess that shame has had a hold on me. I come before you seeking healing. Help me to see myself as You see me- a cherished child of Yours, deserving of love, forgiveness and a bright future. Help me to release all of these emotions that are no longer serving me. Grant me the strength to make space for Your divine grace to fill me. May Your divine love rejuvenate my spirit and fill me with hope. Instead of shame attacking me, I pray for the strength to attack shame in Jesus’ Name. I come out of any agreements I have made with shame. I choose to accept myself, despite my flaws knowing that You are daily transforming me. Thank you for Your unfailing love and mercy. Amen

04/07/2026

Tonight!

03/31/2026

I’m convinced that while many of us believe in God, very few of us have learned to fully trust God. Trusting God means that we truly believe God is working out His divine purposes in all circumstances. Trusting God also means we have to get comfortable with not knowing what the future holds. And most importantly, trusting God means that you know you can rely on Him relationally no matter what you think or feel. Trust is relational and develops through consistent connection over time. So, there is a direct correlation between our relationship with God and our ability to trust Him.

Hard seasons expose where our security and trust resides. Do we run to God or distance ourselves from God during trials. Trusting God in difficult seasons often feels different than trusting Him when life is good. In peaceful seasons, trusting in God doesn’t require much effort and having faith is easier. In hard times, trust may look different. It may look like coming to God when your nervous system is dysregulated and overwhelmed, rather than hiding or pretending that you are ok. Jeremiah does not say the heat never comes. He says the tree stays rooted when it does. The tree does not strive to produce fruit. It stays near the water. Trust and healing often grow the same way: by coming to and staying near the Source.

Lord, thank you for being our security and our ever-present help in time of need. Help us to trust you and lean not on our own understanding. We trust that You are with us and walking beside us daily. Help us to stand firm knowing that Your perfect love casts out all fear. Strengthen us and make our hearts like a tree planted by water, secure and nourished by Your Presence. Help our roots to grow deeper and teach us how to remain connected to You even when life feels uncertain. May we bear fruit in every season to glorify Your Name. Amen.

03/17/2026

WHEN SHIELDS GO UP

I think all of us at one time or another have had that “naked in public” dream. Feeling vulnerable and exposed is scary. Especially, if you associate vulnerability with being judged, rejected, or exposed. It seems as if Adam and Eve only became aware of their “nakedness” in the garden once they sinned and experienced shame for the first time. The first thing they did was hide and cover themselves with fig leaves. This is our first glimpse at self-protection in the Bible. God created us to be dependent on Him, not ourselves. We have a tendency to “armor ourselves” with “fig leaves” when we feel too vulnerable or afraid. In psychology, we call them defense mechanisms. We all have them, and while some of them can be healthy(humor), most of them just get in the way of true intimacy. They are often subconscious and can bring temporary relief, but they cause harm to relationships and can block healing. They are often developed due to emotional wounding or trauma. Sometimes they may have even been necessary in order to survive certain situations in childhood, but when we become adults they become more of a hindrance than a help. Depending on self for protection causes us to miss out on the growth and love that comes from surrendering our fears and opening our hearts to God and others. The armor of God referred to in Ephesians 6, encourages us to rely on God’s strength to fight invisible, spiritual battles, rather than relying on human strength.

How to Lower those Shields

Cultivate vulnerability and trust. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Surrendering control
Replacing fear with faith. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Phil. 4:6-7
Praying for growth in our intimacy with the Lord
Allowing God to be our shield and defense. Psalm 3:3 "But you, O LORD, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of my head."

Thank you Lord for being our Shelter and ever present help in time of need. Help us to discard any armor or shields that we have put in place that are keeping us from deeper intimacy with You. We surrender control and drop every unhealthy defense that I has been erected for self-protection. Help us to trust in You and not to lean on our own understanding. We choose to rely on You and earnestly seek You. Help us to love You with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. Amen.

03/12/2026

I highly recommend this training, it is now my favorite psychotherapy modality! Brittany is an excellent instructor!

03/03/2026

Healing is a journey, not a destination!

We all want a quick cure don’t we? As Christians, we sometimes think healing means reaching a place where nothing hurts anymore, nothing triggers us, and we stop struggling. I personally own and have read more than my share of self-help books trying to cure myself. But, I have found that it can be exhausting and futile trying to “fix” yourself. Constant self-correction just reinforces the idea that you are not enough and leads to shame and a constant negative feedback loop. Self-help books can provide helpful information and good advice, but the problem is that they infer that in order to be happy we must fix ourselves. Scripture teaches that God is the source of healing, Exodus 15:26 (“I am the Lord who heals you”) and Jeremiah 17:14 (“Heal me, Lord and I will be healed”). According to God’s Word, we are all broken and need to be repaired. Believers are encouraged to go through a process called sanctification, where “God who began a good work in you, will bring it to completion.” Philippians 1:6. In sanctification(being made holy and set apart), both us and God have specific responsibilities. God is the one who does the work of making us whole and more like Christ, but we must participate by turning away from sin and obeying His Word. The Holy Spirit also is key in that we can only accomplish this in His strength and power. Christian healing isn’t about self-improvement, it is about coming into a deeper union with Christ. The more we surrender and walk with Him, the more our wounds begin to fade and growth occurs. The destination mindset says: “I should be over this.” The journey mindset says: “God is forming me through this.” I don’t think we are ever just “done” with healing. We just become more aware, quicker to repent and obey, have greater compassion, healthier boundaries and grow in our love and trust of God. What if a big part of healing is trusting and believing that you don’t have to face hard things alone?

Lord, we choose to trust in Your power, love and goodness. We surrender our pain, worries and fears into Your hands. Forgive us for the ways we have mishandled our broken places and tried to fix ourselves. You alone make us dwell in safety. You know exactly where we need to be set free. Strengthen our faith and draw us closer to You. Renew a steadfast spirit within us. Transform our hearts and minds that we may love you more deeply and trust you even when healing seems slow. Help us to run to You and rest in the shadow of Your wings. Thank you that You are able to do far more than we could ask or imagine. Thank you for Your mighty acts of love on behalf of Your children. We love You. In Jesus Name. Amen.

02/24/2026

Proverbs 23:7 reminds us, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Beliefs are our most deeply held assumptions about ourselves, the world, and others. Our core beliefs are formed before age 7. We were all born with basic needs: Love, Security, Purpose, Understanding, Self-worth and Belonging. If any of these basic needs were not met we have a deep longing for that need to be met. (Often you can figure out what needs of yours were not met by asking yourself what is most important thing you want others to feel??)

Unmet needs then drive our emotions———thoughts——-behaviors. The average person has over 60,000 thoughts a day, and of those thoughts 80 percent are automatic. Automatic means we think them unconsciously or without much effort. When thought patterns are negative, then they lead to negative feelings and distort our perception of ourselves, others and the world. This causes stress, anxiety, and depression. The latest research in neuroscience shows that thoughts are physical processes in the brain. Brain scans, for example, can reveal patterns of activity that correlate with specific thoughts or cognitive tasks. Thoughts create neural pathways, new connections between neurons, or reinforce existing pathways and connections. Positive thoughts create healthy neurons. Negative thoughts create unhealthy neurons. In other words, negative thoughts are damaging to your brain!! Persistent and repetitive negative thinking can negatively impact brain health, potentially leading to cognitive decline and increased risk of mental health conditions, heart attacks, strokes and even dementia. The good news is that the brain can be rewired through the "renewing of our mind.” Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” In the greek renewal is an action. The process of moving from old, ungodly ways of thinking to new, godly ones. We can be transformed or changed simply by changing our thoughts. Be intentional about practicing the 3R’s: Recognize, Replace, and Renew!

1. Recognize the lie
Does it align with God’s Word?
Does it bring peace or anxiety?
Would God say this about me?

2. Replace lies with truth

Lie "God has forgotten me"
Truth Isaiah 49:15-16: "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast...? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."

3. Renew Your mind
Speak life over yourself/affirm the truth
Pray for God’s help
Cultivate gratitude to displace negativity
Encouraging one another and surround yourself with positive people

02/17/2026

Empathy vs. Responsibility

Did you know there is a difference between being empathetic versus taking responsibility for someone else’s behavior or emotions? Empathy says, “I understand and care about your pain.” Empathy does not mean fixing it, carrying it, or agreeing with everything. Taking responsibility determines what you carry. If you are a compassionate person, most likely you have blurred the lines a bit between the two. Taking responsibility for someone else can look like: emotional exhaustion, feeling guilty for things you did not do, apologizing when you did nothing wrong, staying in unhealthy dynamics and losing connection with yourself and your needs. Healthy empathy says: “I care about you. But I am not responsible for your emotions.” Without boundaries, caring can turn into emotional over-functioning. Jesus himself was very compassionate, but also did not take responsibility for people’s emotional reactions. A good example of this is when Martha tries to blame him for not caring that her sister wasn’t helping out in Luke 10:41. Galations 6:5 says, “each one should carry his own load.” You may be thinking, but what about Galatians 6:2 where it says, “help carry one another’s burdens?” I think there is a difference between supporting and helping someone, versus taking on or replacing someone else’s personal responsibility. If you’ve been an emotional caretaker for a long time, stopping will feel wrong. You may feel selfish, mean or cold. You are not. You are recalibrating. You are no longer absorbing their emotions, you are simply witnessing them.
Remind yourself, “I am only responsible for my intentions and actions. I am not responsible for someone else’s emotions.”

02/13/2026

“God never asks you to lose yourself to love others. Without boundaries, you don’t grow in love — you grow distant from the person He created you to be.”

02/03/2026

Neural Synchronicity and Prayer

Neural synchronicity refers to moments when two people’s nervous systems align, and their brain waves, emotional states, breathing rhythms, or heart rates begin to mirror each other. Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Shared attention is one of the strongest drivers of neural synchronicity. The brain is a social organ. When safety and shared focus are present, it naturally wants to sync with others. Prayer is more than a spiritual act, it uses the same neural systems involved in connection. Prayer helps your nervous system shift from threat to connection. God designed humans to co-regulate, not just self-regulate. Co-regulation is when someone else can help settle your emotional state by making you feel heard, seen, understood or loved. You see this happen when a child turns to its mother in times of distress for comfort. We are designed to respond positively to all things that reflect God’s true nature. When we are around others who are emotionally attuned, safe, loving and full of peace it activates the vagus nerve, oxytocin is released and our heart rate slows down. Being in Christian community is meant to help us regulate, not pressure or shame us. Matthew 18:20 says, “Where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them.” When we worship together or pray for one another, we are not just synchronizing with each other, we are orienting towards God. We are aligning with His perfect, loving, and healing nature. So why do I feel able to regulate around some people, but not others? It is because their inner state is pulling your system into effort, vigilance, or emotional labor. Prayer doesn’t necessarily override nervous systems, but reveals them. Although, the Holy Spirit can certainly override our nerves! When both parties are fully attuned and focused on God, it is regulating. When we are being pulled into each others inner world, it becomes draining and unhealthy. As a psychotherapist, I have had to really work on staying attuned and focused on God or I become flooded with other people’s problems and emotions. We are to “cast our cares on God,”not transfer them to someone else.

02/03/2026

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1AMHBsA2xy/

01/20/2026

Why doesn’t God intervene? I am glad that others in the Bible have asked this question. In Job chapter 21, Job is having a heated discussion with his friends about how the wicked go unpunished. He is wondering why God seems to treat people unfairly. After all, isn’t God supposed to reward the good and punish the bad? Deuteronomy 32:4 says, “The Rock, His work is perfect, for all his ways are justice. A God of faithfulness without iniquity; just and upright is he.” Could it be that God’s idea of justice is beyond ours? Human justice focuses on punishing the guilty and retaliation. God’s justice seeks to restore, heal and redeem. Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Sometimes God doesn’t intervene because he sees a bigger picture. Jeremiah the prophet also asked God this same question in Jeremiah 12:1, “Why does the way of the wicked prosper?” God responded in vs.5, “If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?” In other words, he seems to be saying that you are going to need to have better endurance for what is ahead. Maybe God loves us too much to let us settle for less than what He believes we can be? There is also the reality that some growth only happens through struggle. God often works through suffering rather than removing it, in order to help us get stronger. But most importantly, we must tell ourselves that God’s lack of intervention does not mean lack of care!! God does not leave us when we are suffering-He is present through our suffering. Satan loves to try and get us to question God’s goodness and our identity when we are going through hardship. Don’t let him! 2 Corinthians 4:17 says, “Our present troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” God is redemptive and wastes nothing. Humility and dependence on God grows in these places of pain.

Lord, you see our weariness and confusion. Some days we grow tired of trusting without seeing and hoping when circumstances don’t seem to change. Yet we know you are always good, even when life is not. Give us endurance and teach us how to lean on You. Anchor us in Your truth and remind us that this suffering is not meaningless and without purpose. Let Your Presence be our comfort when answers do not come. Fill us with courage and unwavering faith. Help us to run with the horses and go beyond our human limitations. You have the final word and I choose to trust in You! Amen.

Haven Christian Counseling

04/14/2026

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