Danielle Austin, LMFT, Shine Counseling Services, LLC

09/26/2025

09/25/2025

The Root of Abandonment

“Abandonment begins long before anyone actually leaves.”
As children, we are born with one sacred need: connection. Safety, love, and belonging are the ground our nervous system grows upon. But when those needs go unmet, through neglect, criticism, inconsistency, or outright absence, we receive the message: parts of me are unsafe, unlovable, or too much.
Instead of abandoning our caregivers (an impossible act for a child dependent on survival), we do the only thing we can: we abandon ourselves.

We silence our voice.
We shrink our presence.
We mask our true Self.

This is the first fracture of the psyche. The child trades authenticity for attachment.
Over time, this silencing solidifies into a survival system:
“If I leave me, maybe they won’t leave me.”
And so, the wound of abandonment doesn’t start when someone walks away; it starts the first time you walked away from yourself.

How It Shows Up Later
In childhood, it looks like:
Becoming “the good one” to earn love.
Hiding feelings to avoid rejection.
Walking on eggshells to prevent loss.
In adulthood, it looks like:
Hyper-focusing on others while ignoring your own needs.
Fear of intimacy or disappearing when things get close.
Shame when you set boundaries or show imperfection.
Obsessing over being “too much” or “not enough.”

The Way Back

Healing begins the moment you realize: the real loss wasn’t them leaving; it was you leaving you.
Notice when you abandon yourself. Do you silence your truth to keep peace? Do you numb instead of feel? That’s the fracture replaying itself.
Choose presence. Instead of running, breathe. Stay with your body. Stay with your feelings.
Reassure the child. Whisper inwardly: “I won’t leave you again.” That is the repair.
Build loyalty to your Self. Each boundary, each truth, each breath of presence is a brick in the home you’re rebuilding.

09/24/2025

While people pleasing is a survival response, it’s possible to heal and reclaim your sense of self. Here are a few steps to help you begin the process:

Start noticing when you’re acting out of a desire to please rather than your own authentic feelings. Ask yourself:
‘Am I saying yes because I want to, or because I’m afraid of the outcome if I don’t?’
Begin with small, manageable boundaries, like saying no to something minor. Over time, this builds confidence in asserting your needs.

Spend time reflecting on what you value and want in life. Journaling, mindfulness, or therapy can help you tune into your own needs.

Remind yourself that it’s okay if not everyone approves of you. Healthy relationships don’t require constant pleasing—they thrive on mutual respect and honesty.

People pleasing is more than just a personality trait—it’s often a trauma response rooted in survival. But here’s the thing: You’re not in that unsafe environment anymore. You don’t have to earn your worth through compliance or self-sacrifice.

09/24/2025

09/24/2025

As helpers, givers, empaths, and compassionate-hearted ones, we don’t always give ourselves permission to take up space.

We’re too busy doing that for everyone else.

We can get so good at pushing down our own feelings that we even fool ourselves, forgetting that we have wants, needs, and feelings of our own. 😵‍💫

Instead, we silence our voice and stay small so that others don’t feel uncomfortable.

(When in doubt, defer to what the other person wants, right)?

So, when we start trying to have a voice again, we find that we’ve forgotten how to give ourselves permission to use it. 🥺

And, when we want to start listening to our feelings again, we first we gotta remember where we stuffed them. 🥴

Developing healthy boundaries within ourselves can feel awkward and strange, especially after a long time of denying ourselves permission.

Here’s something that can help. 💛

Keep this Personal Permission Slip close by as you navigate your boundaries journey.

Healthy inner boundaries can look like this.

❤️
Molly
Therapist-turned-boundaries-guide

PS. If you are ready to lovingly take up more space in your life, my boundaries mini-course is here for you.

And it’s currently available for free!
Https://boundaried.com/breakthrough ✨

09/24/2025

09/24/2025

CPTSD & Trauma Bonding

09/23/2025

09/23/2025

Without boundaries, our idea of loyalty may end up looking a lot more like self-abandonment. 😵‍💫

And in toxic relationships (romantic, family, workplace, friendships), that’s often exactly what happens. 💔

Is being loyal a bad thing?

No.

But our loyalty needs healthy boundaries to go with it.

Some of us learn unboundaried loyalty during childhood (such as, “what happens at home, stays at home”), and we carry it into adulthood unintentionally.

Isn’t it loving — to be loyal, no matter what?

Thats what we were taught. Even though it’s now destroying us. 😭

But, oh. That’s not healthy love, my friend.

Next time someone feels comfortable asking you to sacrifice your values, goals, self-respect, agency, or personal safety for the sake of the relationship (or group, family, job, etc), it’s time to ask some big questions.

Like, why are they so comfortable asking you to abandon yourself?

Love shouldn’t mean self-destruction.

❤️

Molly
Therapist-turned-boundaries-coach

PS. No more going down with sinking ships. Because you don’t have to. ❤️‍🩹

If you are a compassionate person who would like to grow in healthy boundaries, you might love my Boundaries Breakthrough Mini-Course.

I made it just for you and it’s currently available for free:
Https://boundaried.com/breakthrough ✨

09/23/2025

What Society Says Is Trauma / What Can Also Be Trauma