10/30/2024
Something you might be interested in
How We Thought Things Would Be
Expectations in Marriage
Being single, and being married are two different worlds. Whether we are planning a wedding for the first time, or we are starting over in a new relationship, we have our ideas and expectations as to how things will be. Our mental pictures float around in our brain on what marriage will look like.
And even though some of our expectations may be close to reality, others originate in Fantasy Land.
Disappointment, or broken expectation can occur as soon as the wedding night, or the honeymoon. Yes, some couples fight on their long-anticipated romantic honeymoon.
However, during the early stages of marriage, expectations may not be an issue, simply because the couple is totally inundated with the feel-good chemicals in the brain, physical sensations of touch, and the feeling that he or she is perfect and can do no wrong.
But, as time goes on, things will change. Habits that were once overlooked now have become major irritations. Disagreements over money and spending turns into anger and arguments. Communication becomes harder. Physical connection that was once so easy, becomes more complicated and can get pushed to the bottom of the to-do list. Boredom becomes the marital norm.
The greatest loss can be emotional connection that can create an atmosphere of feeling alone, and then finding someone else to talk to.
At this point, either spouse might be thinking, “this is not what I expected marriage to be like. What am I going to do? Am I supposed to be unhappy the rest of my life?”
Five Expectations That Should Be Non-Negotiable
Commitment - a lifetime promise
Integrity - forsaking all others
Genuine Love - a love much deeper that chemistry
Respect - showing honor
Trust - the foundation to all relationships
Do they have self-centered expectations? Avoid this person like Covid.
This person:
Must be the center of attention
Expects s*x on demand
Insists that the passion of early marriage should always be the same
Expects his every need to be met
Expects his spouse to make him happy
Will seldom admit wrong, because he is always right
Will seldom, if ever apologize
May be a controller
Watch out for what you cannot see!
They are there! They are hidden! They will burst upon the scene!
What are they? Hidden expectations!
Hidden expectations are often present because they were integrated into our life in our home of origin. We cannot identify what they are or where they came from. The source could be as simple as, what time do we eat dinner. Or, when do we buy new clothing. How did we decide how to spend, or save money.
And, how did we discuss and resolve problems, if we ever resolved them at all.
It is easy to see that when we marry and start a new life, we carry these expectations with us, and marry a person who has their own expectations.
So, what do we do?
Learn as much about your future spouse as you possibly can. Schedule a time to meet. Both of you have a pen and pad, and ask how each family did things. Make it a fun thing !! Ask about silly stuff and mix in some more serious items.
Become life long students of each other!
To be honest, and realistic, no one can always meet the needs of their spouse. You will fail, you will not always be loving and kind. You will not look your best every day. You will say hurtful words, and honest communication can seem impossible.
Just stick together! Become a team!
And choose love over expectations, always.
