Child & Adolescent Psychotherapy Services

10/29/2025

Why Consequences Should Build Skills (through restoration), Not Shame

In child psychology, consequences aren’t about punishment — they’re about restoration and learning.
When a child breaks a rule or repeats a behavior you’ve asked them not to, it’s easy to focus on compliance. But from a developmental and neurobiological standpoint, what’s really happening is a breakdown in the self-regulation system — not defiance for its own sake.
In that moment:
Access was unprotected (the environment didn’t support success).

The system failed (skills like impulse control or problem-solving didn’t hold).

Repair is needed, not isolation.

Research from Ross Greene (Collaborative & Proactive Solutions) and Daniel Siegel (Interpersonal Neurobiology) reminds us that children learn responsibility through connection and participation, not through fear or exclusion.
A time-out t teaches avoidance, but it rarely builds the skills that prevent future breakdowns — like emotional regulation, flexibility, or problem-solving.
Instead, we help children grow when we:
-Involve them in repairing what went wrong.
-Reinforce the protocols or expectations with empathy and structure.
-Emphasize shared responsibility rather than blame.
Before you scold your child, take a breath and ask:
- “What skill or support was missing here?”
- “How can we repair this together?”

Because true consequences are about participation in restoration — not punishment.
Let’s do this parenting thing together. 💙

10/29/2025

Emotional sensitivity is common in Autism~ 💙
It means feelings are often experienced with greater intensity, and it can take longer to calm down after strong emotions.

This isn’t “overreacting” — it’s a different way of processing.
For many autistic individuals, emotions are felt in full color: joy, sadness, frustration, excitement — all big, all real.

For many autistic people, emotions hit harder and last longer.
Understanding this changes everything — because support starts with compassion, not correction.

When we meet that sensitivity with empathy instead of judgment, we create safety and trust.

10/29/2025

What is PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)?

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is considered a profile within the autism spectrum characterized by an extreme avoidance of everyday demands and expectations.
Unlike typical oppositional behavior, PDA is driven by anxiety and a need for control, not defiance or manipulation.

For individuals with PDA, even simple requests — like getting dressed, joining a class, or starting homework — can trigger intense distress. This avoidance is a way to protect themselves from perceived loss of autonomy or overwhelm.

While research on PDA began in the 1980s, it remains under-recognized and inconsistently understood. Some clinicians identify it as part of the autism spectrum, while others see it as overlapping with anxiety, ADHD, or ODD. Regardless of terminology, understanding the underlying anxiety is key.

PDA is not refusal — it’s regulation.

It’s not about control for control’s sake.

It’s about feeling safe enough to cooperate.

It’s about reducing pressure before engagement can happen.

Children and teens with PDA often appear socially able and verbal, which can mask their internal distress. When overwhelmed, they may use humor, negotiation, distraction, or avoidance to regain a sense of safety — strategies that can be easily misinterpreted as defiance.

How to Support a Child with PDA

1. Reduce Demands & Pressure

Use indirect language: “I wonder if…” or “When you’re ready…” instead of direct commands.

Offer genuine choices and shared control.

2. Prioritize Relationship & Safety

Connection first, compliance second.

Stay calm and collaborative even when the child resists. Emotional safety builds trust.

3. Reframe Behavior

View avoidance as anxiety communication, not misbehavior.

Shift from consequences to co-regulation and problem-solving.

4. Plan Proactively

Anticipate triggers and build predictable routines.

Use humor, play, and curiosity to gently re-engage.

5. Collaborate with Schools & Providers

Educate teams about PDA-informed strategies.

Focus on flexible supports rather than rigid behavior plans.

10/28/2025

When Teens Talk Back: Keeping Connection and Boundaries

Parents — tired of your teen’s disrespectful tone or attitude?
You’re not alone. Adolescence is a time when kids test limits, push for independence, and struggle to regulate emotions. The key is balancing connection and accountability — staying calm and present while still holding firm boundaries.

Why It Happens

Verbal disrespect, sarcasm, or defiance are often signs of emotional dysregulation, not a lack of love or morals. Teens’ brains (especially the prefrontal cortex) are still developing — the part that controls impulse, empathy, and emotional control.

When parents react with anger or withdrawal, it can fuel a power struggle. But when parents stay grounded, model respect, and respond with clear, consistent limits, teens learn emotional regulation through co-regulation.

Evidence-Based Strategies

(from CBT, DBT, and Positive Parenting frameworks)

1️⃣ Separate the feeling from the behavior.

“You can be angry — but not cruel. Try again.”
Validates emotion, corrects behavior.

2️⃣ State calm, predictable limits.

“Doors that get slammed get removed. Your choice.”
Follow through consistently, not punitively.

3️⃣ Don’t engage in disrespect.

“I don’t engage when spoken to disrespectfully. Come find me when you’re calm.”
Teaches emotional accountability and models self-control.

4️⃣ Invite perspective-taking.

“Please explain it to me so I can understand.”
Encourages problem-solving instead of arguing.

5️⃣ Foster problem-solving.

“What’s the best way you think you can solve this?”
“Do you want me to listen or help you come up with ideas?”
Gives them agency and promotes executive-function growth.

When Things Cool Down

Reconnect once both are calm.

Have your teen acknowledge what happened and own their part.

Reinforce that respect and repair rebuild trust.

Boundaries + empathy = connection that lasts.

💙 Boundaries and empathy aren’t opposites — they’re partners in raising emotionally healthy, respectful teens.

10/28/2025

10/28/2025

Phone Readiness Checklist

8 Questions to Ask Before Your Child Gets a Phone

Parents ~Use this checklist to guide your decision and conversation as a family before introducing your child to phone ownership.

Do they understand digital safety?
Can your child recognize unsafe situations online, protect personal information, and know what to do if something feels wrong?

Can they do chores and responsibilities without reminders?
Responsibility with daily tasks often translates to responsibility with technology.

Do they know how to be kind and respectful online?
Discuss digital citizenship, empathy, and how words and actions impact others on social media or text.

Have you reviewed and set screen time rules together?
Make expectations clear about when, where, and how devices are used.

Can they stop screen time without a meltdown?
Emotional regulation and the ability to transition away from screens are key readiness signs.

Have you created a family screen time agreement?
Include limits, consequences, and shared accountability.

Do they take care of their belongings?
A child who manages their books, backpack, and school supplies is more likely to handle a phone responsibly.

Do they follow daily routines independently (e.g., teeth, shower, homework)?

*****Consistency with routines shows maturity and readiness for added privileges like a phone.
**
Tip for Parents:{Use this checklist to spark a family conversation. A phone isn’t just a device—it’s a responsibility.

10/28/2025

What are Executive Functioning Skills?
Your Executive Functions are like your brain’s management system — the “CEO” that helps you plan, organize, and get things done.
Here’s a breakdown of the core executive functions and what each one does:
*Core Executive Functions
These are the foundation — the three “boss skills”:
1. Working Memory – Holding information in mind while using it (e.g., remembering directions, steps in a task, or what a teacher just said).

2. Inhibitory Control (Impulse Control) – Thinking before acting; pausing instead of reacting.

3. Cognitive Flexibility – Shifting gears when plans change, seeing different perspectives, and adapting to new situations.

** Higher-Order Management Skills
These build on the core three and make up the rest of the “management system”:

4. Planning & Organization – Setting goals, breaking down tasks, keeping materials and time in order.

5. Task Initiation – Getting started without procrastinating or avoiding.

6. Sustained Attention – Staying focused and resisting distractions.

7. Time Management – Estimating how long things take and pacing yourself.

8. Goal-Directed Persistence – Sticking with a goal despite obstacles or boredom.

9. Emotional Regulation – Managing emotions so they don’t derail behavior or focus.

10. Response Inhibition – Resisting the urge to do what’s easy or fun instead of what’s important.

11. Metacognition (Self-Monitoring) – Checking in with yourself: “How am I doing? What’s working? What needs to change?”

How They Work Together~

*Think of it like a company:

The CEO = Metacognition

Managers = Planning, Organization, and Emotional Control

Employees = Working Memory, Attention, Flexibility, Task Initiation
*****When everything communicates well, your “brain business” runs smoothly. When one area struggles, tasks pile up or emotions take over.

✨ Therapist Tip: Executive function skills grow through structure, coaching, and practice — not punishment. When we teach these tools early, kids learn how to direct their attention and manage themselves more independently.

10/28/2025

Getting Ready for College: Tips for High School Seniors with ADHD

Senior year can feel exciting — and overwhelming. For students with ADHD, the transition to college brings new freedoms and new challenges. The good news? A little preparation now can make a big difference later.

Here are 5 ways to start getting ready for college life:

-Build Daily Routines Now
Practice managing your own schedule — waking up, getting ready, tracking deadlines, and managing time without reminders. Apps like Google Calendar or structured planners can help.

-Strengthen Executive Functioning Skills
Start using systems that work for you — color-coded folders, assignment trackers, or digital notes. The goal is to build habits for organizing, prioritizing, and following through.

-Learn About Campus Support Services
Every college has an Office of Disability Services. Seniors should begin gathering documentation (recent testing, IEP, 504) and practice self-advocating: emailing professors, asking for support, or requesting accommodations.

-Practice Independent Living Skills
Things like laundry, budgeting, medication management, and self-care routines are key to feeling confident away from home. Start small — one new independent task at a time.

Plan for Emotional and Social Support
Moving to college can trigger anxiety or loneliness. Identify go-to supports — family check-ins, a therapist, or a trusted friend — and make a plan for when stress hits.

* Transition Tip: The goal isn’t perfection — it’s preparation. Building skills slowly now helps seniors enter college feeling more capable, organized, and confident.

10/27/2025

Your Brain Believes What You Tell It — So Make It Kind

Did you know your brain is always looking for proof to back up what you already believe? It’s called confirmation bias.
So if you’re stuck thinking, “Nothing ever works out,” your brain will only focus on the bad stuff and totally miss the good.

But here’s the good news — you can train your brain to look for the positive. Try asking yourself a different question, like:

~“What if things actually are working out?”~
~ “What went right today, even if it was small?”

Shifting your focus helps your brain notice wins, little moments of good, and proof that not everything is going wrong. Over time, this builds a more hopeful story in your mind — one where you see your strength, progress, and possibilities.

Your thoughts have power. Choose the ones that lift you up. 💙

10/24/2025

This approach is not passive parenting — it’s positive, intentional parenting.
It doesn’t mean letting children “get away” with things. Instead, it focuses on staying calm, connected, and consistent so children can learn to regulate their emotions and make better choices. When a child is dysregulated, they need a parent who can model calm, set clear boundaries, and guide them back to regulation—not punishment or power struggles.

Positive parenting still includes rules, consequences, and accountability, but it delivers them in a way that teaches rather than scares, supports rather than shames, and ultimately helps the child learn self-control over time.

10/22/2025

*Sharing a very caring and helpful post from my colleague, Maria~~
If I Get Dementia — Please Remember This

If I get dementia, I want my family to hang this on the wall wherever I live. Please remember these things:

Always announce yourself when you enter the room.
Say, “Hi Mom, it’s Margaret.”
Please don’t ask, “Do you know who I am?” — it only causes anxiety.

Meet me where I am.
If I believe my spouse is still alive, or that we’re going to my parents’ for dinner, let me stay in that moment. It’s kinder than forcing me into confusion.

Don’t argue with my reality.
What feels true to me matters, even if it’s not true to you.

Don’t take it personally if I don’t recognize you.
My mind is no longer working on the same timeline as yours.

If I can’t use utensils anymore, don’t rush to feed me.
Try finger foods first — I may still be able to eat on my own.

If I seem sad or anxious, comfort me.
Hold my hand. Listen. Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t feel that way.

Speak to me like an adult.
I am still me — not a child.

Help me stay connected to what I’ve always loved.
Exercise, books, music, walks, time with friends — keep them in my life however you can.

Ask me about my memories.
Let me tell you stories from my past. It helps me feel like myself.

If I’m agitated, look for the reason.
I may be in pain, scared, hungry, or overwhelmed.

Treat me the way you would want to be treated.

Keep snacks around.
I get irritable when I’m hungry — and I may not know how to tell you that anymore.

Don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.
I can still feel when I’m being left out.

Don’t feel guilty if you can’t care for me all the time.
You’ve done your best. It’s okay to ask for help or find me a safe place to live.

Visit me often, even if I live in a care community.

Stay patient if I mix up names, places, or dates.
Take a deep breath. I’m trying my best.

Play my favorite music.
Music reaches places in my heart that words can’t.

If I wander or pick things up and carry them around, gently help me put them back.

Include me in gatherings, celebrations, and family moments.
I still belong.

Know that I still love hugs, handshakes, and kind touch.

Most of all — remember that I am still me.
I am still the person you have known and loved.

Copy and share in honor of someone you love who has or had dementia. For all those living with Dementia or Alzheimer’s, and for the families who love them.