05/14/2023
I knew nothing other than two...Nothing other than you.
I wasn't prepared to be a mom of twins.
I wasn’t prepared for the long anxious nights
The worry and stress over each ounce gained or lost
The feelings of being torn in two not knowing who to soothe first
I wasn't prepared to feel desperate for sleep, help, comfort, even escape.
I wasn’t prepared to trust my body with the seemingly impossible task of feeding you both.
I wasn't prepared to feel a deep, primal jealousy of friends with “just one”.
To constantly question if there had been a mistake, if I was really cut out for this.
I also wasn't prepared for every second of hardship to be wiped away by just a few sweet moments in our day - like the smell of two freshly bathed babies or the feel of four chubby arms wrapped around me.
I hadn't been prepared for the desperate wish to freeze time, brought on by having two warm babies snuggled together on my chest.
I wasn't prepared for the ache of love in my heart when I opened their door each morning; Two huge smiles, ear to ear, greeting the center of their universe.
I wasn't prepared for how incredible it was to witness two babies truly recognize their best friend as they looked into each other’s eyes.
I didn't know how sweet the sound of the them laughing and babbling to each other would be.
I wasn't prepared to feel healed, seeing my twice-answered prayers right before me.
Or how powerful I’d feel knowing I created not one, but two beautiful little beings.
I hadn’t been prepared to become a mother of two tiny, fragile babies at once - but the gratitude I have for them brings me to my knees. It takes my breath away.
Still to this day, even when I can't imagine being stretched any farther, my heart infinitely fills with enough love for them both.
Thank you Universe, for choosing me.
For making me a mother in the only way I know, the only way I am, and the only way I would ever want to be. ❤️