Eagle Heights Counseling, LLC

11/26/2025

I admit, im guilty of this one 😉

Outcome Bias - from The Daily Wellness

What it is: Outcome Bias is when you judge whether a decision was good or bad based solely on how it turned out, rather than on the quality of your reasoning when you made it. A risky choice that happens to work gets labeled "brilliant," while a well-thought-out decision that backfires gets called "stupid." You're letting results rewrite the story of whether your process made sense.

What it sounds like: "The project succeeded, so rushing the timeline was the right call." "I didn't wear my seatbelt and got home fine, so it wasn't a big deal." "I invested without research and made money; I'm good at this." "That relationship ended badly, so I never should have dated them."

Why it's a trap: This pattern teaches you the wrong lessons from experience. You start rewarding lucky gambles and punishing sound judgment, which leads to increasingly risky behavior. A decision that had a 10% chance of working but happened to succeed looks "smart," while a choice with an 80% success rate that happened to fail looks "dumb."

Over time, you stop improving your decision-making process because you're only looking at outcomes. You can't tell the difference between skill and luck.
Try this instead: When evaluating a past decision, ask yourself: "Given what I knew at the time, was this a reasonable choice?" Imagine freezing the moment before you knew the outcome. What information did you have available? What were your realistic options? Judge the decision based on that snapshot, not on what happened afterward.

Illustration:
Original: "I drove home after having a few drinks and made it safely, so I was fine to drive."
Upgrade: "I made it home safely this time, but driving after drinking was still a risky decision with potentially serious consequences. The outcome doesn't change that the choice was dangerous."

11/18/2025

From "Daddy" to "Father"

Dads - Have you experienced this transition in your life? If you haven't, you will someday! One day you are "daddy," the next day (it seems) you are "father"? I admit this was one of the most challenging transitions of my life, and it took me a good while to grasp it. One of the things I have had to admit over the years is that I am a very stubborn person, and it takes me a while to finally "get it"! I want to explain the situation: It happened one afternoon as we walked to a restaurant that my daughter (at that time grown and going to college) and I had a spat. It took me a few moments to realize that I was speaking to her as if she were a child, and she wasn't having it! She wasn't a kid anymore. It hurt me to admit, at that moment, that I was no longer a "daddy", that something remarkable had happened, and I needed to change my perspective. So I took a spiritual retreat. While on retreat, I prayed and sought God, and in my journaling, I began to create a poem. I admit, I'm not much of a poet, but I felt so much better getting my feelings down on paper. Once I externalized my hurts, I was able to see things as they actually were, and I made changes to my attitude, which benefited both me and my "kid" when I returned. I have attached the poem and some reflection questions that might be beneficial to anyone experiencing a similar transition. Please feel free to print it or use it however you think you'd like. Blessings.

Goodbye to “Daddy”

Today, I let “Daddy” die in me,
and I became a father—
no longer the man who held a little girl’s hand,
but a man who now sees farther.

Let go of the past—‘Daddy’ can’t last.
That simpleton must go!
Go contemplate an old man’s fate,
the passing of time—friend and foe.

“Find your own way,” the father will say,
where “Daddy” once said, “Go there!”
It’s time to trust in God—we must—
that the path for them will appear.

I admit I cried when “Daddy” died,
knowing that man is not needed.
His quaint advice, once warm and nice,
is not what today will be heeded.

So, my friends, let’s toast to him—
The man who was and is gone.
And let us turn our gaze to God, whose ways
make earthly fathers strong.

1. What emotions surface in you as you read this poem?

2. In what ways do you identify with the shift from “Daddy” to “Father”?

3. What part of fatherhood are you currently being invited to release or redefine?

4. How does your faith inform the way you guide, release, or bless your children?

5. What does becoming a “stronger earthly father” mean to you today?

© Eagle Heights Counseling, LLC

10/25/2025

The Pre-Holiday Diet Trap: A Self-Compassionate Reminder
Answered by: Anne-Sophie Selwyn, Counselling Psychologist, MCounsPsych, MNZPsychSoc

As fall begins, so does the pressure to “prepare” for holiday eating—through detoxes, cleanses, or restrictive diets. But this messaging isn’t helpful—it’s harmful. If you’ve been pulled into this thinking—or have already started restricting—you’re not alone.
And you’re not failing. These messages are everywhere, and they can be especially hard to resist if you have a history of disordered eating or if you’re struggling with body changes due to health conditions or perimenopause/menopause.
But here’s a gentle truth: You don’t need to earn your food, nor do you have to shrink yourself to deserve celebration, joy, or connection.
Here’s why the pre-holiday diet trap backfires—and what to do instead:
Dieting Before Holidays Often Leads to:
Bingeing later (increased cravings and preoccupation with food = a natural, hard-wired response to restriction)
Guilt and shame around eating
Feeling out of control around holiday meals
Worsened body image
A painful restrict-binge cycle that harms both physical and mental health
Disconnection from your body’s needs
Health at Every Size® Reminds Us:
Health isn't a size, and bodies naturally come in all shapes.
Food doesn’t have moral value—you don’t need to earn it.
Your worth isn't measured by what you eat or how you look.
You deserve to enjoy the holidays now—not “after you lose weight.”
This Holiday Season, You Deserve:
Nourishment without guilt
Connection without shame
Joy without conditions
So:
Listen to your body, not food rules.
Feed yourself consistently. Your body deserves nourishment every day—not just when it’s “earned.”
Let go of moral labels.
There are no “good” or “bad” foods. Food is not a test. It’s fuel, pleasure, tradition, and care.
Practice kindness toward your body.
You don’t need to love everything about it to treat it with respect. Wear comfortable clothes. Rest when you need. Speak to yourself with softness.
Set boundaries around diet talk.
You’re allowed to say: “I’m focusing on caring for myself, not controlling my body right now.” If you’ve already started restricting, it’s ok. Be kind to yourself. Pause. Eat. Breathe. You can shift gently without guilt. Remind yourself: I don’t need to punish myself to feel worthy.
You’re doing your best in a culture that makes it really hard to trust yourself. But healing is possible—and every small act of care counts. Every meal is a chance to choose care over control.
You don’t need to “get ready” for the holidays.
You are already enough, exactly as you are.
No detox, diet, or plan needed.
The holidays are not a test you need to prepare for. You are not a problem to be fixed before the turkey is served. Whether you’re navigating recovery, unlearning diet culture, or simply trying to be kinder to yourself, the Health at Every Size framework offers a compassionate path.
You deserve to:
Enjoy your favorite foods without guilt.
Be fully present at your holiday table.
Treat your body with care, not control.
Experience joy that’s not tied to a number or a plan.
Let this be the year you opt out of the pre-holiday diet trap—and choose nourishment, connection, and freedom instead.
Need Support?
Explore HAES-aligned therapists and dietitians who can support your relationship with food and body.
Follow weight-neutral voices on social media to counter diet culture.
Remember: Healing is not about perfect choices—it’s about consistently choosing compassion over control.

Anne-Sophie has over 22 years of experience working as a psychologist across Australia and New Zealand. Her passion lies in supporting adults to find peace with food and their bodies. She embraces a compassionate and Health At Every Size ® approach. Together with like-minded colleagues, Natasha Amarasekara and Rose Tobin, Anne-Sophie established a specialised Eating Disorder clinic based in Auckland, New Zealand, and can be found at

An experienced collective of eating disorder psychologists providing specialist evidence-based treatment in Auckland, New Zealand.

09/05/2025

Having just gone through this with my father, I found this article to contain helpful wisdom.

https://www.thefp.com/p/ancient-wisdom-how-to-die-well?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=webs

"I believe death should not be seen only as an ending. It is a teacher, a mirror, a catalyst. It shapes how we live, and where we seek meaning," writes Charlotte Grinberg.

06/24/2025

https://youtu.be/Gitit3LwQ20?si=K5AECM80BspnRGLc

Made from over 1100 images captured by NSF-DOE Vera C. Rubin Observatory, the video begins with a close-up of two galaxies then zooms out to reveal about 10 ...

03/25/2025

https://www.biblegateway.com/learn/voices/psalm-91-mental-health/

Anxiety disorders are rising rapidly worldwide. While therapy is an important intervention, Psalm 91 will guide you to lasting refuge in Jesus.

01/28/2025

How do you rest, recover, and refresh? I can do all three by walking in our local park. The added benefit is getting my heart rate up a bit, something my cardiologist suggests I do daily.

10/23/2024

I just completed a spiritual retreat in Las Vegas! That's right, Vegas, baby! It doesn't matter where we are; God is always ready to hear our prayers and speak to us, even in Sin City.

Ever felt like you need to be better at what you do? I've struggled with that for years! After I left my clinical duties with the State of Idaho, I spent money I didn't have learning new mental health interventions and theories. "I'm way behind! I need to get caught up on the latest stuff!" That was my mentality because the State didn't care if I knew the latest stuff, and man, was I rusty! This insecurity didn't help me much when I launched my practice. I was afraid to take on new clients because I didn't think I was smart enough to help them. Then I got sick. Really sick. Like for most of 2024, sick. None of those things mattered. Pursuing a doctoral-level education didn't matter. The latest theories and interventions didn't matter. There's nothing like uncertainty to teach you that what matters is relationships.

My relationship with God, first and foremost. Family and friends. Then, realizing that to be effective as a "therapist," I need to establish a RELATIONSHIP with my client, something I need help with as a Myers-Briggs INFJ and Enneagram #9. Reading a book or playing music is far easier than being a friend or helper. But Jesus says: "Feed my sheep." The feeding he is talking about requires a relationship with the 'sheep' with people! They say people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. So God has had to reveal that #1) I (Shawn) am not enough, but #2) HE is enough. Not that there is anything wrong with learning new things. But as I continue my rehabilitation and 2025 comes into view, I believe God will help me focus more intently on what He has already started: the need to be intentional with my time but also keenly relational. At the end of the day, it is relationships that matter most.

09/19/2024

There is enough cursing in the world. Let me suggest this blessing over you and me instead:
May the blessing of the Lord God Almighty,
Maker of heaven and earth,
Redeemer of humankind,
Rest upon you,
Dwell within you,
Be the song of your heart,
The word of your mouth,
The strength of your life,
Today and always.
Amen.
-- From Holy Invitations by Jeannette A. Bakke