02/14/2025
❤️Great Loss and Greater Love ❤️
Susan Solar, LCSW
Valentine’s Day is about love and relationships and hearts everywhere. Like many others, I only see the month of February in red - 28 days of red nails, red clothing, red donuts, a huge aisle of all things red at the dollar store. And the cards?? So many cards- sappy, funny, big, for spouses, for kids, for parents, even for our pets.
But what does loss feel like during the month of love? I asked a few young widows to talk about their experience of great loss and greater love and here is what they had to say❤️
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Nicole Martinez missing Mark ❤️
Valentine’s Day feels different when you’ve lost your soulmate. The world around you is bursting with reminders of love — couples holding hands, flowers everywhere, heart-shaped cards — and all it does is amplify the ache that never quite goes away. I find myself thinking about everything we shared, the small moments that only we understood, and how it feels like a part of me is still waiting for him to walk through the door, just like he always did. But he's not here anymore, and no amount of love around me can fill that space.
I can’t help but wonder, if I had known then that we wouldn’t have forever, would I change a thing? The answer is no. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, every single moment, even knowing how much it would hurt to lose him. Because those moments, those years, were worth more than anything, and I’d rather have loved him for as long as I did than never to have known that kind of love at all. On a day meant for celebrating love, it’s hard not to feel that loss more than ever — like the love we had is slipping further away, even though it’s still etched deep in my heart. It’s not just grief; it’s the absence of the one person who made everything feel whole, and nothing ever seems to make sense without him beside me.
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Alexandra Rodriquez missing Pete❤️
We never really celebrated it—not in the grand, over-the-top way some do. But that didn’t matter. What mattered were the little things, the quiet gestures that made it ours. The single flower left on my desk at work, the handwritten note that always carried your words, and the bear—always the bear. Every year, it grew bigger, as if love could be measured in soft plush and silly smiles. My favorite Valentine’s Day was the year the bear stood five feet tall, absurd and wonderful. That was you—knowing exactly how to make me smile, how to make me fall in love with you all over again. No extravagant gifts, no fancy dinners. Just my orchids, my bears, and you.
Now, it’s not the day itself that lingers; it’s the love. It’s the ache in my chest when I see couples holding hands, catching each other’s gaze across a table. That’s what hurts the most—not being alone, but being without you. Valentine’s Day has become the cruelest reminder. Not because I don’t have someone to share it with, but because I don’t have you. Because I can’t look at you and silently thank the universe for bringing you into my life. Because I can’t kiss you goodnight, or tease you until you shake your head with that smirk and say, “You’re lucky I love you, lady.”
That first year without you, I cried until I hated everything—red roses, heart-shaped anything, love itself.
But this past year, the tears have changed. I still cry, but not in the way I used to. Now, I cry for the memories—the beautiful ones we created, the ones I hold onto with every part of me. I don’t cry because I see others receiving flowers and bears. I cry because I was lucky enough to have them, to have you. Each bear, each memory, is proof that we shared a love so deep, so rare, that it still lives in me.
I may not have you this Valentine’s Day, or any day after. But I need you to know—my love for you hasn’t faded. It has only grown, deeper and more profound in a way only we could ever understand.
You don’t grieve because you lost someone. You grieve because you loved so completely that your heart refuses to forget. And if that is the price of love, then I will carry this ache with gratitude, forever thankful that I was given something so beautiful, so unforgettable—you.
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Gina Fyfe missing Chris ❤️
Valentine’s Day was never a big deal for Chris and me. But in a way, it marked the beginning of us—the start of something real, even if we hadn’t officially called it a relationship yet. This time of year always brings back those early memories of how our love began. Over the years, we kept our celebrations simple—home-cooked meals in my parents’ basement, handwritten cards, flowers, and our favorite candy. It wasn’t about grand gestures; it was just another day to appreciate the love we shared.
Losing him at such a young age made me dread February. I resented the holiday and everyone who got to celebrate it. I felt every emotion—sadness, anger, confusion, bitterness—especially when I saw couples happily in love. It was a painful reminder of everything I lost. But as time has passed, and my grief has evolved, I’ve come to realize how incredibly lucky I was to have had a love like ours.
What hurts the most now isn’t just missing him on Valentine’s Day—it’s mourning the future we never got to have. It’s not having my person beside me, my constant, the life we had planned together. But even in the loss, I know I still carry his love with me. I see him in our kids, in the way they smile, in the little pieces of him that live on through them. In the beginning, celebrating Valentine’s Day with them felt like another painful reminder of what was taken from me. But this year, I’m choosing differently. I’m choosing to share our story instead of dwelling on what should have been.
Love doesn’t die with the person you lose. That’s something not everyone understands. It’s important to keep celebrating them, to honor the love you shared, even after they’re gone. I will always cherish every moment I had with my husband—the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Chris’s death was tragic, but he was never a tragedy. His life mattered, and his story is so much more than how it ended. Yes, his absence still brings more tears than smiles, but I refuse to let his death define him or the love we shared. I will forever honor our love, and I will forever celebrate him.
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Erin Calvi missing Ryan ❤️
On my first Valentine’s Day with Ryan (my eventual husband) in 2013, I came down with food poisoning during our date. We had a wonderful, romantic dinner together, but we were not going to make it to the movies like we planned. We were college students who saved up for weeks to make our date night happen, and I felt like I had ruined it all. I apologized for the rest of the night as Ryan stayed by my side and nursed me back to health. Ryan reassured me that nothing was ruined, and promised that we would get another shot at Valentine’s Day. That night he said that in a perfect world, we’d have a lifetime of more Valentine’s Days together.
Fast forward to Valentine’s Day 2023. Ryan and I have spent ten amazing years together. We are newlyweds celebrating the holiday in our new home we just bought together. He brought me a bouquet of flowers home from work, we cooked dinner together, and then enjoyed a cozy night in. We were on our way to that lifetime of Valentine’s Days.
Within one week, I lost Ryan very unexpectedly.
To someone who is grieving their partner, Valentine’s Day can feel extremely isolating and serve as a reminder of what we lost. We have countless memories of Valentine’s Days of the past, but our present and future can seem quite bleak. For me, Valentine’s Day feels like an exclusive club I’m not a part of anymore. I remember all the fun and magic that comes along with spending the day with the person you love most. I want to say, “Hey! I used to do that too!”
But now I watch from afar.
For widows, it’s easy to lose ourselves in our grief and sadness during this time of year. It is easy to be jealous of those around us who are planning date nights with their partners to celebrate. But instead, I choose to celebrate the many Valentine’s Days I had with Ryan. I choose to celebrate all the love I am surrounded by every day. I am fortunate to have wonderful family, friends (and a devoted dog) who love me so dearly. So while it is tempting to only focus on what I lost, it feels better to remember all the love that continues to fill my life.
To anyone reading this who is lucky enough to celebrate this Valentine’s Day with their partner, I ask that you take a moment to recognize how beautiful and special that is. Whether it’s your first, tenth or fiftieth Valentine’s Day together, never stop celebrating that you have each other in this present moment. I also ask that you are kind to those around you, because you never know if someone is struggling with pain and loss during this month dedicated to love.
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Leona Parent missing Fred❤️
Fred and I met at Rockland Lake at a fun day with all of the fire departments in Rockland County competing against each other. He liked the way that I looked (lol) and one year later at our annual dinner he asked me if he could call me and I said yes - he never called! Six months later we were at a meeting at the firehouse. Fred asked if he can call me and I said yes again but he never called! A few months later we were at the Firehouse again and connected -This time I wasn’t waiting for a phone call and from that night forward we were inseparable
Every valentines Day, every birthday, every holiday without him has been so hard. We had 27 beautiful years together and were blessed with three beautiful children. We all miss him every day.
I love you unconditional my love Fred ❤️
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Melissa Monroe missing Jarrod
In a place not so far away,
your Daddy was playing
basketball in the park.
Mommy came to the park
and met Daddy for the first
time. They were teenagers.
Daddy was at awe with
Mommy’s beauty. And from
there, their friendship began.
Mommy and Daddy
would stay on the phone
for hours, but Mommy
did most of the talking.
They would discuss
everything and anything
under the stars and sun.
They became best
friends.
Daddy fell in love very quickly
with Mommy. But mommy didn’t
feel the same way. It took her
some time to realize the amazing
man your Daddy was.
When it was time, Mommy
asked Daddy to be her boyfriend.
Mommy and Daddy
were boyfriend and
girlfriend for almost 7
years. Until one day
Daddy did a brave
thing and asked
Mommy to be his wife.
Mommy and Daddy were
planning a wedding.
Then plans changed,
because you came into
our lives. Mommy and
Daddy were so excited
about you. It was like
everything was too good
to be true. We got
blessed with a beautiful
boy. Daddy found a
sweet way to tell
Mommy we were having
a boy. Mommy cried with
excitement and joy.
Daddy always loved the
name Marcus and knew
he wanted to name his
future son, you, Marcus.
When you were born, it was the greatest day of
our lives.
We celebrated every milestone,
achievement, and goals that you
obtained. We didn’t care you were
on the Autism Spectrum. All we
wanted to do was find ways to
support and love you.
Even though Daddy is not here
with us, he is our angel watching
over us. He is proud of all the
things you’ve accomplished and
will accomplish.
So, whenever you are feeling sad,
just know Mommy and Daddy love
you very much and nothing will
ever change that.❤️
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The young widow and widowers grief group meets the first Saturday of every month at 10:30 at my office in Nanuet- please call 845-623-7782 to register and please share this information with anyone needing support and understanding after the loss of a spouse.
