04/11/2016
I've been thinking about a client I had last week who epitomizes so many people I have worked with over the years. She was a single mother to young children, raised them to be responsible adults, and now is suffering with cancer. Many of these women have several things in common.
First, the fact that they have found massage during their treatment or post-treatment is motivated almost entirely by unrelenting pain and/or symptoms that result in lack of sleep, other health problems, and overall hopelessness. They show up because they are grasping for survival.
Second, and it follows, they do not believe they deserve to receive a massage. They do not want anyone to "take care of them." They have always been the ones taking care of others. These are the same people who cannot ask for, or let, their friends help, and insist they are "ok."
Third, they have always gotten up and carried on before, why can't they seem to do it now? Through all of the challenges life has thrown at them, they have triumphed. Now they just feel like failures.
My client said that she couldn't believe how tired she feels, and was frustrated at her lack of strength to do the simplest of tasks. Surgery takes 6 weeks to heal, right? Keep in mind she had a mastectomy only 4 months ago. She has expanders in, waiting for reconstruction. Radiation has not yet been decided. She also has two frozen shoulders.
Cancer surgery and treatment are not the same as other surgeries.
When I tell people that the average recovery time from 'the end of all treatment and reconstruction' is one year, they don't believe me. No one else has told them this. As the year winds on and they measure their own recovery in halting steps, with many slides backwards, they continue to be amazed at their lack of progress.
My advice, especially for single moms - now is your time to rest! To achieve that survival you are so desperately grasping for, now that everyone else has benefited from your gifts, take all the time you need to take care of you. Get massages, take long naps, let your body heal. If friends ask if they can help - say yes. If you have to work, take breaks, sleep when you are off, and don't over-schedule yourself. Your body will feel less pain and less anxiety and it will thank you by recovering sooner and better.