Naples Oceanside Wellness

04/28/2024

Does anyone have a health insurance broker they know, use or love? I have some clients (entrepreneurs) that are in need of purchasing their own health insurance. Looking to connect with someone to help them. THANK YOU!

02/04/2022

In honor of Valentine’s Day I wanted to give a gift to all the beautiful women who are feeling a little overwhelmed and stuck. We’ve all been there and I wanted to gift you with the space and the tools to figure it all out.

I’m a mental health therapist with over 18 years in practice focused on empowering women.

If you’re feeling …
�*emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and want to know how to increase your productivity and live a more balanced life.��*paralyzed by change or unsure of what direction to take and need a catalyst to take action on doing something new.��*like you’re ready to learn how to make yourself a priority, regain your identity, and feel seen and heard in your relationships.

This one time virtual workshop was made especially for you.

I can’t wait to see you then.

Xoxo, Janessa

https://janmarietlc.com/mindset-masterclass/

01/22/2022

We were just featured in Gulfshore Life and are almost sold out!

Only 20 tickets left, so don’t wait to register.

Champagne, chocolate, strawberries, & all the self-love things!

As a mental health therapist, coach, & momma I know all too well how as women we spend so much time nurturing everyone around ourselves, and how we usually fall last (if at all).

I've been dreaming of this event to spoil all of you and indulge in all that we deserve.

So many women in Naples & the surrounding areas have no one to connect with or a safe space to connect with others.

I didn't want to take the day away from those who have a Valentine already, but I invite all of you to be YOUR best Valentine EVER!!!

Join Me in celebrating & LOVING YOU!!!

A huge thank you to all of our participating vendors and sponsors for this amazing event so far!

Don’t wait to buy your ticket because the event is officially RSVP only. No tickets will be available at the door and space is limited.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/valentines-girls-night-out-tickets-226297450767?ref=eios

Spoiling us are our vendors ...

*Danatta Charcuterie and Sweets will be indulging us with appetizers, chocolate covered strawberries 🍓, chocolate fondue and bubbly.

*Dripping Glam - offering complimentary mini makeup makeovers.

*Miss Lexie’s Place - offering complimentary hair styling.

*Purely You Spa - offering free chair massage, skin consults, Mini Treatments, LED Light Therapy, and more!

*No Body Left Behind Myofascial Release - offering 5 minute mini 5 Myofascial Release massage.

*Bergtold Chiropractic & Beauty - offering free strip lashes with complimentary application.

*HK Esthetics - offering free nose waxing.

*Arbonne - offering health products, samples & a raffle.

*A.Y. Skin and Body - offering demo on Cryo Skin.

*The Well- offering wellness coaching and essential oils.

* Dream Body Sculpting - offering permanent non-invasive fat reduction, skin tightening and muscle enhancement.

*Pure Happiness Designs - with women’s clothing and accessories.

*Pure Romance will be connecting us with our s*xy side with body and massage items, lingerie, and adult items.

*4 Elements Yoga & Healthy Concepts Consulting - offering nutritional information and products.

*Naples Bo***ir Co. inspiring us with the opportunity to tap into our s*xy with bo***ir photography.

*Naples Vision of Beauty offering mini facials.

*Coaching You Up will be offering free 10 minute life wheel sessions.

*Seed to Soul Beauty Apothecary - will be selling premium, proven, transformational products made from wild crafted herbs & botanicals, beeswax, honey & loads of other farm fresh ingredients.

*Dr. Karen Hiester, DO will be sharing insights into concierge medicine, women’s health and intimacy.

12/18/2021

11/08/2021

06/16/2021

The Pursuer-Distancer Dance

Written by Janessa M. Borges, LCSW, Naples Oceanside Wellness, LLC

Do you ever feel like the closer you try to get to your partner, the further away they get? It’s not just you, this is extremely common in relationships – it’s called the Pursuer-Distancer Dance.

One person continually wants more intimacy, connection, quality time and communication. This would be the Pursuer. The other partner is always retreating when stressed out or in an uncomfortable situation. This is the Distancer. The more the Pursuer pursuers their partner, the more the Distancer pulls away. It’s a cycle that perpetuates itself and can leave you feeling unfulfilled in your relationship, and is the most common cause of couples falling out of love.

But why do we think the Pursuer-Distancer Dance is so common? John Gottman from The Gottman Institute did a study on thousands of couples and found that those who get stuck in this vicious cycle are 80% more likely to file for divorce in the first five years of marriage.

When the Pursuer-Distancer cycle becomes consistent and engrained in a relationship, neither person’s needs are met, and when one’s needs aren’t being met they tend to blame the other person. The blame game only intensifies the unwanted dance. You aren’t having deja vu, you are just having the same argument over and over again and nothing is being resolved. This repetition can lead to resentment, frustration and anger. The downfall of the relationship comes when the Pursuer gets fed up and starts planning to end the relationship; most times, after the Distancer realizes it’s too late to save the relationship.

So, what does a Pursuer look for or need in a relationship? Pursuers want attention, closeness, and affection. If you get into an argument, they want to talk it out and express how they feel. If the partner claims, “I just need space,” most likely a pursuer is going to feel personally rejected.

And what about Distancers? Distancers want space – emotional and physical space. They enjoy independence and are much more likely to become quiet and turn inward when feeling anxious. They may want closeness as well but have a tendency to avoid it, which can be met with criticism from a Pursuer, eventually leading to further withdrawal.

Okay at this point, you get it… the cycle goes on and on and on and on. But how do you break out of this cycle? To have a sustainable loving relationship, each person needs to find a balance between both the Pursuers and Distancer’s needs – closeness and independence.

Probably the hardest part to stopping the dance is the Pursuer figuring out a way to stop the pursuit. They need to learn ways to meet their own emotional needs – essentially self-soothe. Putting more time into creating a life of their own and finding separate interests are helpful. These steps can create a space where their partner feels safe to move towards him or her. The Distancer can do their part by learning to speak up when they feel upset, by being vulnerable and opening up. They could even schedule time with their partner to spend time together and cultivate a connection.

The cycle is broken when the Pursuer’s needs for affection and soothing are met and the Distancer has the space to come forward, trusting they will not be criticized.

06/09/2021

The Prom Date vs. The Life Partner

Many of us don’t date for long-term viability. I call this pursuing The Prom Date. What’s an ideal prom date? Someone who looks great in pictures, gives you a night full of fun, and makes you look cool in front of your friends. Many of us finished high school more than a decade ago, and yet we’re still using the same rubric to evaluate potential partners. Do you really want to marry the Prom Date? To worry if your partner is going to help you take care of your aging parents? Or show up to your kid’s parent-teacher conference? Or nurse you back to health after contracting a case of Montezuma’s revenge?

Those probably aren’t the questions you ask yourself when you first meet someone. The answers have little bearing on whether you want to kiss the person or go out with them again. (And who wants to think about diarrhea on a first date!?) But when you’re looking for a long-term partner, you want someone who will be there for you during the highs and the lows. Someone you can rely on. Someone to make decisions with. The Life Partner.

There are many people with whom you can share a tryst but far fewer with whom you can build a life. When you’re thinking about who to marry, don’t ask yourself: What would a love story with this person look like? Instead, ask: Can I make a life with this person? That’s the fundamental distinction.

But you’re not seventeen anymore. If you really are seeking a long-term relationship with a committed partner, you need to stop looking for a Prom Date and start seeking a Life Partner.

What we get wrong about what matters

In addition to coaching, I also work as a matchmaker and set my clients up on dates. As a matchmaker, I’ve met with dozens of people to learn what they’re looking for in a partner. Hundreds have filled out the matchmaking form on my website to join “Logan’s List.” Through this process, I’ve collected enough data to understand what people think matters most in a serious partner. We can compare that to what the academic field of relationship science tells us actually matters for long-term relationship success.

We can thank John Gottman for many of these relationship science insights. He spent many years studying romantic relationships. He and his colleague Robert Levenson brought couples into an observational research laboratory dubbed the “Love Lab” by the media. There, he recorded them discussing their relationship. He asked couples to share the story of how they met and then recount a recent fight. He even invited couples to spend a weekend in an apartment he’d decked out with cameras to observe how they interacted during everyday moments.

Years after they participated in the apartment study, Gottman followed up with the couples to check on their relationships. They fell into two camps: the “masters,” couples who were still happily married; and the “disasters,” couples who had either broken up or remained together unhappily. He studied the original tapes of these two types of couples to learn what patterns separated the masters from the disasters.

When we look at Gottman’s findings, and the work of other relationship scientists, we can see clearly which qualities contribute to long-term relationship success. In other words, the research tells us what makes a good Life Partner. However, these are not the traits my matchmaking clients tend to ask for. Instead, they focus on short-term desirability—or the characteristics of a good Prom Date.

What matters less than we think

Not only do we undervalue the qualities that matter for long-term relationships, we overvalue irrelevant ones. People tend to fixate on certain superficial characteristics and ignore the far more important factors that are correlated with long-term relationship happiness (more on those in a moment).

Superficial qualities like looks and money matter less for long-term relationship success than people think they do because lust fades and people adapt to their circumstances. The same goes for similar personalities and similar hobbies.

What matters more than we think

When I work with clients, I rarely hear them say their number one goal is to find someone who’s emotionally stable. Or good at making hard decisions. Sometimes they’ll mention kindness, but usually after telling me their height minimum and maximum. And yet these are all examples of qualities that relationship scientists have found contribute much more to long-term relationship success than superficial traits or shared interests.

It’s not that people don’t know that this stuff matters; rather, they just tend to underestimate the value of these attributes when deciding whom to date. (One reason is that these qualities can be hard to measure. They may be discernible only after spending time with someone. This also explains why dating apps focus on the easier-to-measure, matter-less-than-you-think traits.) If you want to find a Life Partner, look for someone with the following traits: loyalty, ki…

06/02/2021

Three Steps to a Healthy, Happy, Partnered Life

I never expected that pickleball would be part of my marriage. As a (mostly) happily partnered person and through my work with couples, I’ve come up with a three-step flow to continuously cycle through. And, you’ll see where pickleball plays a role.

The three-step flow I propose for a healthy, happy, partnered life is:
(1) Fight Fairly
(2) Strengthen Yourself
(3) Strengthen Your Relationship.

Fight fairly

It is OK and expected to have conflict in relationships. The key is to get through the conflict without damaging the relationship. Here are two different frameworks to arrive at fair fighting.

The first framework is to look at your past. Have you had a successful conflict? What made it successful? Did you have it while on a hike when you were both relaxed? Did you reach a resolution and make a plan to follow up a few days later? If there’s some specific context that made the conflict successful, try to replicate that.

If you can’t think of a fight from your past to emulate, the next framework is to learn some techniques for fair fighting.

Reframe the goal of conflict. It should not be to persuade or force the other person into something. Your goal should be twofold: (1) listen for understanding, and (2) speak so that you can be heard. You want to understand your partner fully, and you want your partner to fully understand you. Only then can you attempt to move through the conflict.

Use a softened startup. Think of the alternative in these comparisons.

The main problem with a harsh startup is that it prevents your partner from listening to your feelings and your perspective. A soft startup to a conflict discussion is critical to its success.

Soothe yourself and your partner. Feeling heated in an argument? That’s a natural response, but that state of “flooding” can inhibit quality listening and problem-solving. So, when conflict feels too heated, suggest a break, take some deep breaths and return to the conflict when you are both feeling calmer.
Strengthen yourself

A happy life relies on you being functional and then sometimes moving into being happy and purposeful. Said differently, the goal is to be fine most of the time with moments of thriving.

Consider these two perspectives. First, be functional, and second, move to thriving.

Figure out what you need (that doesn’t involve anyone else’s involvement) to be fine. Develop a realistic daily self-care plan. What things do you need to do daily so that you are functional? Here is my personal daily self-care list below. If something feels off, it’s usually because I’m missing one of these elements.
•Have a good night of sleep
•Help someone
•Eat healthy and drink water
•Exercise
•Make something
•Meditate

Spend some time thinking about your needs, execute your plan, and modify if necessary.

Beyond functionality, you deserve moments of thriving. Pick one aspect of your life that feels a bit off right now (e.g., health, career, friendships, education, free time, money, or any other big area that feels important to you). Next, assign yourself a score in that area. A 1 means this area of my life is far from ideal. A 10 means this area of my life is ideal. Are there barriers that keep you at that score? Is there anything you can do to remove a barrier? What could you do today / this week / this month to improve that aspect of your life. You don’t need to figure out a strategy to completely move from a 1 to a 10, but what is a little thing you can do so that you move from a 4 to a 4.1, for example.

Strengthen your relationship

The third step to a healthy, happy, partnered life is to continuously strengthen your relationship.

Develop a shared hobby. My husband and I walked by full pickleball courts last weekend in our new town and it intrigued us. Since then, we researched the rules online, thought about buying the equipment, and figured out how to sign up for the courts (And, are we supposed to join a league too?). Having a new pursuit/passion together gives the relationship new energy, which can be crucial in long relationships.

Notice good things that your partner does. Instead of berating your partner for leaving the kitchen lights on (again), focus on what your partner is doing that you like. Shine the flashlight on what you want to see. Laugh together. Does your time with your partner feel full of logistics and practicalities? Those are necessary in a relationship, but consider bringing more laughter into your relationship. What makes you and your partner laugh together? And, repeat. Fight fairly. Strengthen yourself. Strengthen your relationship.

Do we need marriage counseling? Take the quiz here .

https://buff.ly/3rwcW1m

**Original article by Jennifer Pesetsky at The Gottman Institute

…

05/26/2021

Conflict Styles that Hurt Your Relationship

All couples fight, but not every couple knows how to do it in a healthy way. Further, in the heat of an intense argument, it’s human nature to slip into familiar patterns of communication no matter how ineffective they may be. Your conflict style—including your go-to moves in any fight—can hurt your relationship and erode trust over time.

The Gottman Method pulls from more than 40 years of relationship study by Dr. John Gottman. Along with his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, they found the keys to long-lasting relationships with significant emphasis on how couples navigate conflict. This means, if you want to stay together for the long haul, you have to learn how to talk to each other when you don’t agree.

Based on their findings, here are four signs that the way you fight is hurting your chances at a healthy partnership.

1. You’re critical

Criticism strikes at the character of your partner. It feels like a personal attack. Whether or not it’s intentional, when you’re critical, you take your anger off of the situation or the issue and aim it at your partner. The target becomes who your partner is as a person.

Examples of criticism are:

“You never help around here.”

“You’re always taking her side.”

“Why can’t you be more thoughtful?”

2. You’re mean-spirited

Drs. John and Julie Gottman call this contempt. It’s when you are disrespectful and purposely hurtful. Caught up in the emotion of the moment, you engage in name-calling, ridicule, mocking, and other harmful forms of communication that are meant to bully your partner into your way of thinking.

Examples of contempt are:

“It’s like I’m talking to a child.”

“How could you be so stupid?”

“You’re an idiot.”

3. You’re on the defense

While it’s a natural response to criticism, defensiveness signals to your partner that their concerns don’t matter. Especially when being defensive is your go-to response to any request or bid that your partner makes, it comes off as self-centered.

Let’s assume your partner asked why you haven’t mowed the lawn yet. Examples of defensive responses could be:

“Why are you nagging me about the lawn? You know I have a million things to do.”

“I said I’d get to it. Leave me alone.”

“Oh, like how you were supposed to vacuum the living room yesterday?”

4. You’re silent

As opposed to hurling insults or making personal digs, you can swing in the opposite direction and simply shut down. The Gottmans call this “stonewalling” and it takes many forms—one of which is going silent. While it can be a natural response to feeling physiologically flooded, you’re reluctant to engage with your partner, which also means you’re resistant to any repairs.

A prime example of this is the dreaded “silent treatment.” This can happen in the middle of the conflict and can stretch for days. Not speaking to your partner (or only speaking minimally) shuts them out and effectively hurts the connection between you.

The Four Horsemen

Collectively, these conflict styles are known as the Four Horsemen, and their on-going presence in conflict can rip at the very fabric of your relationship. However, they don’t spell doom for your future if you work on them.

Learn more ways to combat these dangerous conflict styles. Check out the Gottman Relationship Coach: Dealing with Conflict or if you need personalized one-on-one help, schedule an appointment with me.

Do we need marriage counseling? Take the quiz!

https://buff.ly/3rwcW1m

*Original article by The Gottman Institute

05/19/2021

Getting engaged is one of the most exciting milestones in a person’s life. It is a time of excitement, hope, and promise. However, many couples do not take the time to plan for the marriage. Premarital planning involves conversations that can be difficult but are crucial to the health and success of the relationship.

Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that all couples have a set of what he calls “perpetual issues,” meaning issues that are not solvable. In fact, an average of 69% of the problems that a couple faces are perpetual. Perpetual issues are unsolvable because they are differences in personality or lifestyle needs, so they are not things people can change and still stay true to who they are.

Perhaps you and your partner have already come across some of your perpetual issues in the dating period. However, other potential perpetual issues may not be things you encountered yet, such as parenting or money differences. Sit down together and talk openly about the potential areas of conflict in your relationship. It will help you determine which issues you and your partner may continue to grapple with in your marriage and help prepare you to manage those differences.

52 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

The Gottman Institute developed a card deck called 52 Questions to Ask Before Marriage or Moving In. In this card deck, you and your partner take turns asking and answering the questions you draw in the deck. The exercise will help you identify your perpetual problems and will also create friendship and intimacy by encouraging you to know each other deeply. The card deck cover 4 core areas: Romance, Social Life, Work, and Money. Some of the questions are as follows:

•Romance

What are your views about having children? Pets? How strong are your positions about this? What, if anything, would change your mind?
How much of each other’s s*xual histories have you shared? How do you deal with each other’s past? What aspects of s*x make you uncomfortable?

•Social Life

Messy or tidy, early bird or owl: How do the habits of you and your partner differ? In what ways does this affect you?
In what ways do your religious and/or political beliefs and practices, if any, differ from your partner’s? If you have children, with what beliefs and practices will you raise them?

•Work

How will you balance competing time demands of work and family? How will you balance who deals with home and family needs during work hours? During non-work hours?
How will you decide who is responsible for which chores? When the workload gets lopsided, how will you address the issue? Are you willing or able to hire an outside person to help?

•Money

What does having money mean to you? How much money is “enough?”
If one partner makes or spends more than the other, what feelings does this bring up for you? What financial goals do you agree on?

Ask and listen

As you answer the questions, it is important that you both listen to one another and try to understand each other’s perspectives, even if you disagree. Remember, you are going to disagree on most things because you are different people. Differences are not what tears a relationship apart. It is how a couple deals with their differences that matters. Do not argue; just take in what is being said and take a break if the conversation gets too heated. You can always come back to it another time.

Once you hear from each other, you can begin to find ways to manage these differences as a team. Remember, these are issues you will grapple with throughout your relationship so slow down, take your time, and work on acceptance and understanding. You will begin to find ways to compromise so that issues don’t cause disconnect in the relationship.

If you and your partner are struggling to navigate any issues, schedule an appointment with Janessa at Naples Oceanside Wellness. She can give you tools to better manage your differences.

*Original article by The Gottman Institute

Read the full article here:
https://buff.ly/2R2KoAn

Do we need marriage counseling ? Take the quiz here:
https://buff.ly/3rwcW1m

05/12/2021

Turning Relationship Goals Into Habits

If you’ve ever set a relationship goal, you know it starts out exciting. However, it can become a daunting task. Over time, you can struggle against the idea of “failure” or what you “should” be doing.

Shared goals are, of course, important for all couples. That said, the realities of everyday life can make some relationship goals feel like disappointment rather than progress. ⁠

What if you turned those goals into habits? ⁠

Goal: Manage Contempt
Habit : Nurture the fondness and admiration in your relationship.

Goal: Strengthen Trust
Habit: Talk openly about your needs and desires with your partner.

Goal : Increase Intimacy
Habit: Pay more attention to your partners bids for emotional connection.

Instead of focusing on one fixed goal, apply these habits to the areas you feel are in need of change. Develop some of your own. Whatever your decision, commit to forming a healthy, loving relationship. ⁠

Do we need marriage counseling?
Take the quiz.
https://buff.ly/3rwcW1m

*Original article by The Gottman Institute

Read the full article here:
https://buff.ly/32y7QYp

05/05/2021

Improve Your Relationship with Exercise

Working out together is not only good for your physical health but can also be a great way to invest in your relationship. Whether you like walking, hiking, running, biking, gym time, or any other form of exercise, you can form a habit of bonding together.

Build Love Maps

Building Love Maps refers to how well you know your partner’s inner world—their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, and feelings. It falls into the friendship system of your relationship. You can use exercise time to learn more about your partner.

Turn Towards Instead of Away

To Turn Towards Instead of Away refers to how you respond to your partner’s bids for connection, and it also falls into the friendship system (you can learn more about this level in “The Relationship Cure”). Exercise is an opportunity to connect.

Create Shared Meaning

In this level, couples can create shared meaning with goals, roles, rituals, and symbols. Exercising together covers goals and rituals. Practicing yoga together every morning or taking a stroll in the evenings is a great ritual of connection to create together.

The research

Researchers conducted several research studies about the benefits of exercising with your partner. In a 2018 study by Yorgason, Johnson, Hill, and Selland, they found that exercising with your partner resulted in greater relationship satisfaction on the days you work out together compared to days you work out alone.

Exercise affects hormones by reducing cortisol and increasing dopamine. When there is conflict or flooding in your relationship, your cortisol levels increase. Exercise can be a great way to counteract that. Dopamine produces excitement,

Make a new ritual of connection in your relationship by adding physical movement to your day. You’ll find that exercise helps you build love maps, turn toward bids, and create shared meaning. It all inches you closer to the partnership you want with the one you love.

*Original article by Kari Rusnak at The Gottman Institute

Read the full article here :
https://buff.ly/3n81kAU

04/28/2021

Dating After a Breakup

*Original article by Stacy Hubbard at The Gottman Institute

It can be very hard to get back into the dating world after a breakup or divorce. Some clients that I work with were in a relationship for a short time, and it’s not as hard for them to get back into the swing of things. However, for some who were in decades-long marriages, they are now out on their own trying to figure out the dating world. It can be daunting and scary, and some people give up after only a few tries because they feel overwhelmed.

Getting “back out there”

First thing is to make sure that your friends and work colleagues know that you are ready to start dating again, since it always helps to have friends on your side. They may know somebody they could set you up with or suggest a coffee date with a friend of theirs who might be a good fit.

It is good to think in terms of just getting to know new people rather than having to feel like it’s got to be an instant, lifelong connection. Sometimes it can just be meeting somebody new for coffee and striking up a friendship if there’s no romantic spark.

Swiping and clicking

These days roughly one-third of single people have an online dating profile. As you probably already know, this way of dating allows you to find and view people that you would never otherwise meet, and you can chat with them before meeting.

From message to meeting

Don’t spend too much time talking online—a week or two at the most—then meet to see if you have chemistry. Helen Fisher, noted anthropologist and consultant for Match.com, states that it is best to avoid long online exchanges. The only way to know if you have a future with a person is to meet face to face since “the brain is the best algorithm.”

Laurie Davis, author of “Love at First Click,” recommends no more than six messages before meeting offline, since that gives you enough information to know if they are someone you’d want to date. Meeting someplace public is always the best option for safety reasons. Do post photos on your profile.

Don’t talk about your ex

Don’t talk about your ex-spouse or -partner! This is crucial. If your date asks you something about your past relationship then it is appropriate to give a brief response. Example: “We grew apart but we get along now when we need to talk about the kids.” If it was a difficult separation or divorce then keep that very brief.

Example: “It was painful and hard but now I am ready to move on and not dwell on the past” crazy ex” and you go on and on about it, that could be a red flag. Same goes if they hear you talking at length about how great your ex is and how you are best friends now—they are going to wonder if you may reconcile or they may feel you are not “over” that person.

Who can you trust?

Here are some important things to be looking for when you consider safe vs unsafe people:

•Safe people allow you to feel like an equal vs feeling like their parent or their child.

•Safe people are stable over time vs being inconsistent.

•Safe people have empathy and act on it vs being solely concerned with themselves (“I” not “we”).

•Safe people want to mature and grow, and can admit when they are wrong, while unsafe people avoid working on problems, or admitting fault because they believe they are perfect.

•Safe people are willing to earn your trust while unsafe people demand it without earning it.

•Safe people can respect your “no” and honor your boundaries.

If you consistently find yourself drawn to unsafe people, then there may be an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. This can be addressed through personal exploration or even individual therapy. As stated in “Safe People,” this could be driven by the need to rescue that unsafe person, fears of isolation or abandonment, or even familiarity with negative relational patterns.

Dr. Gottman has done research on trustworthiness, and found the following five criteria to help separate those who are trustworthy from those who are not. These five criteria are from the book “What Makes Love Last.”

1•Honesty
Do not trust someone who lies to you. Don’t come up with excuses for why they lied, or talk yourself out of your doubts.

2•Transparency
Make sure they are an open book, and that they invite you to meet their family and friends.

3•Accountability
Do they keep their promises and follow through on their commitments?

4•Ethical Actions
If you are detecting immoral actions or if you are uncomfortable with their morals, then move on.

5•Proof of Alliance
If they can demonstrate that they have your back, even in small ways, then that is a good sign. Do they take your best interests to heart instead of acting only out of self-interest?

Have fun, try to think about it as an adventure. Stay safe, and make sure you take things slow so that you have time to determine if they are safe and trustworthy. Remember, it is hard work, but it’s worth it. Good luck in your dating journey.

Read the full ar…