Dr. Laura E Anderson

Dr. Laura E Anderson Coaching, Consulting & Educating around complex and religious trauma

One of the most significant shifts that happens after leaving a high-control religious environment is the process of rec...
05/25/2026

One of the most significant shifts that happens after leaving a high-control religious environment is the process of reclaiming internal authority.

In many high-control systems, authority is placed outside the individual. Religious leaders, doctrine, or community expectations often become the primary guides for decision-making. Over time, people can learn to defer to those voices instead of trusting their own judgment.

When someone begins to question or leave the system, this can create a new challenge. Without those external structures, many people realize they were never encouraged to develop confidence in their own discernment. Rebuilding internal authority is the gradual process of reconnecting with your own perspective, values, and decision-making ability.

It doesn’t mean rejecting guidance from others. It means recognizing that your voice, experiences, and intuition deserve a place in determining the direction of your life. For many survivors of religious trauma, reclaiming internal authority is one of the most important steps in rebuilding identity and autonomy.

Many people raised in high-control religious environments were given a very specific mold for who they were supposed to ...
05/22/2026

Many people raised in high-control religious environments were given a very specific mold for who they were supposed to become.

What to believe.
How to dress.
What roles to pursue.
What questions were acceptable.
What kind of life was considered “good.”

When identity is shaped this way, it can take time to realize how much of yourself was defined before you ever had the chance to explore it. So when you begin trying new things—reading different ideas, exploring interests, changing how you show up in the world—it can feel unfamiliar.

Sometimes exciting.
Sometimes uncomfortable.
Sometimes a little scary.

But exploration is a normal and healthy part of identity development.

Trying something new doesn’t mean you’re abandoning who you were. Often it means you’re finally giving yourself the freedom to discover who you are. You don’t have to stay inside a mold that was handed to you.

Curiosity is allowed.

Sometimes the first crack you see isn’t dramatic.It’s a question you weren’t allowed to ask...A feeling you couldn’t exp...
05/21/2026

Sometimes the first crack you see isn’t dramatic.

It’s a question you weren’t allowed to ask...
A feeling you couldn’t explain away anymore...
A moment your body said “something here doesn’t feel right,” even when everyone around you called it truth...

One of the most powerful parts of religious deconstruction is realizing how many people quietly carry these moments alone for years.

These are just a few stories from people beginning to name their own. And I have a feeling there are many more.

What was one of the first cracks you noticed?

Not necessarily the moment you left... but the moment something stopped fully making sense.

You can share as much or as little as you want below. 🖤

One of the most common concerns I hear from women in midlife is this:“I feel like I’ve become less patient… less toleran...
05/20/2026

One of the most common concerns I hear from women in midlife is this:
“I feel like I’ve become less patient… less tolerant… more reactive.”

And most of the time when someone tells me that, it’s laced with shame as they are interpreting this as a personal flaw—like something has gone wrong. But what I try to encourage them to see is that they aren’t flawed or broken. Instead, their responses are an indication of their capacity shifting.

Earlier in life, many women were able to tolerate a high level of stress, over-functioning, emotional labor, and misalignment. This wasn’t because it was sustainable…it was because it was necessary. Earlier in life many women are raising families, building careers and navigating relationships. The expectations of who they had to be and how their time was spent was shaped by culture, religion, or survival. The strategy for surviving it was endurance.

But midlife brings about a change…a full stop in some cases, to that pace. Our body’s ability to keep carrying on the same patterns starts to reduce due to hormonal shifts, nervous system sensitivity and decades of cumulative stress. And most of the time the things that used to feel manageable, or at least tolerable, start to feel overwhelming.

This isn’t because you’ve become “too much.” It’s literally because your capacity has changed.

And when capacity changes, boundaries often follow. …not because your personality is shifting (though it’s ok if it is!) But as a physiological and psychological response to what your body can no longer sustain.

If you’re navigating this shift and trying to understand what your boundaries look like now, you can learn more about working together through the link in my bio.

One of the quiet but powerful shifts that happens after leaving a high-control religious environment is realizing how ma...
05/20/2026

One of the quiet but powerful shifts that happens after leaving a high-control religious environment is realizing how many parts of life were once off-limits.

Certain books.
Certain questions.
Certain styles.
Certain ideas.
Certain parts of your own curiosity.

Often these restrictions weren’t presented as limitations. They were framed as protection, purity, or discernment. But over time, constantly avoiding what was “not allowed” can shrink the space you have to explore who you actually are.
Identity reconstruction often begins with small acts of curiosity.

Trying the hobby you were told wasn’t appropriate. Reading the book that once felt forbidden. Wearing something simply because you like it, not because it fits someone else’s standard. Letting yourself ask questions without immediately shutting them down.

These moments might feel surprisingly emotional at first. Sometimes there’s excitement, sometimes fear, sometimes a little guilt that lingers from old conditioning. But exploration is not rebellion. It’s one of the ways people begin reconnecting with their own preferences, interests, and sense of self.

You are allowed to be curious about your own life.

There's a particular kind of confusion that begins (or really sets in! during midlife when your body begins reacting in ...
05/19/2026

There's a particular kind of confusion that begins (or really sets in! during midlife when your body begins reacting in ways it never has before.

Foods you've eaten for years suddenly don't sit well...
Your joints feel stiff for no clear reason...
You wake up feeling sore even though you didn't do anything particularly strenuous the day before.

Or you turn your head to look at something and all of the sudden you've thrown your back out!

Your body feels...reactive.

🔗 Read the full post on substack

One of the most disorienting parts of leaving a high-control religious environment is realizing that the version of your...
05/19/2026

One of the most disorienting parts of leaving a high-control religious environment is realizing that the version of yourself you were taught to become may not actually fit who you are. For many people, identity was shaped around expectations.

Be obedient.
Be humble.
Be self-sacrificing.
Be “set apart.”
**Be the kind of person the system rewards.**

Over time, those expectations can become so internalized that stepping outside of them feels unfamiliar—even wrong. So when you start exploring your own preferences, values, and beliefs, the changes can feel unsettling. You may notice that the person you are becoming thinks differently, relates differently, or moves through the world in ways that don’t match what you were taught to aspire to.

That shift can bring grief, relief, curiosity, and uncertainty all at once.

But identity reconstruction is rarely about becoming someone entirely new. Often it’s about rediscovering parts of yourself that were never given space to exist.

The person you’re becoming may look different from who you were taught to be. And sometimes that difference is exactly where healing begins.

Boundaries in midlife start to feel different than they did earlier in life. Whereas in earlier life boundaries can some...
05/18/2026

Boundaries in midlife start to feel different than they did earlier in life. Whereas in earlier life boundaries can sometimes feel difficult and fuzzy, in midlife boundaries are often much stronger, clearer, and even more urgent. And for a lot of women, this shift can feel abrupt and confusing…and sometimes uncomfortable.

Because earlier in life, many women were rewarded for endurance. Or for being accommodating and keeping the peace. Or for managing relationships and pushing through discomfort. And when this is what is expected, those patterns become deeply ingrained–not just psychologically, but physiologically.

But midlife introduces a shift in capacity.

Hormonal changes, nervous system sensitivity, and cumulative stress can reduce your ability to tolerate the same level of emotional labor or misalignment. Essentially, this means that what once felt manageable may now feel exhausting. And *that* is often what leads to boundaries. It’s not because you’re rigid or difficult, it’s because your body is recalibrating what it can sustain.

For many women, this is one of the most important transitions of midlife: learning how to respond to their capacity instead of overriding it.

If you’re trying to navigate what that looks like in your relationships and daily life, you can learn more about working together through the link in my bio.

One of the most overlooked parts of healing from high-control religious environments is grieving the version of yourself...
05/18/2026

One of the most overlooked parts of healing from high-control religious environments is grieving the version of yourself that never had the chance to develop. When identity is tightly prescribed—what you believe, how you behave, who you associate with, what roles you should play—many aspects of personal exploration get interrupted.

Over time, people may realize there were interests they never explored, questions they never asked, or parts of themselves that were never allowed to emerge.

Recognizing that loss can feel heavy.

But grief is not a step backward in the healing process. It is often a sign that your mind and body are making space for a more honest understanding of your past. Grieving what you didn’t get to experience can help release the pressure to “catch up” or rush identity development. Instead, it allows you to move forward with curiosity, compassion, and patience for the person you are still becoming.

If you find yourself reflecting on the person you might have been, you’re not alone. Many people navigating identity reconstruction after high-control religion encounter this grief. And within that grief, there is often the beginning of a new sense of self.

I’ve worked with victims of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) for over 15 years and one of the things I’ve learned is that...
05/17/2026

I’ve worked with victims of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) for over 15 years and one of the things I’ve learned is that relationships organized around power and control are rarely that simple.

This week on Substack I wrote about Taylor Frankie Paul, domestic violence dynamics, trauma bonds, reactive abuse, attachment wounds, and what actually happens to the nervous system inside abusive relationships.
If Taylor Frankie Paul was sitting in my therapy office, there are a lot of things I would want her to know.
When I see what’s happening online, the way people react, and even how TFP is responding, it makes a lot of sense to me. I see it through the lens of my research, clinical practice, and personal experience. But to other people, it may not make sense. It’s difficult to understand a dynamic built on power and control…and how that impacts you physiologically and psychologically even years (or decades!) after leaving.

(And then add onto it a high control religion, abandonment and attachment ruptures, the mother wound, divorce, miscarriages, being in the public spotlight…and more!)

One of the things I wish more people understood is that abuse rarely presents itself in neat, clean, easily identifiable ways. Especially when there are moments of love, chemistry, hope, parenting, connection, and genuine attachment woven into the cycle.

And when someone has been repeatedly destabilized emotionally and psychologically, their reactions can become more visible than the coercive or controlling behaviors happening underneath the surface.

That doesn’t make harmful behavior okay. Accountability matters. But if we only focus on the reaction and never ask what dynamics preceded it, we miss the larger picture entirely.

This piece is not about excusing abuse. It’s about understanding it more honestly and more completely. It’s a little bit of a peek behind the curtains of how I work with clients.

The full essay is on Substack. Link in bio.

For most of my life, sleep has never been particularly simple.Growing up in a high-control religious environment meant t...
05/16/2026

For most of my life, sleep has never been particularly simple.
Growing up in a high-control religious environment meant that anxiety was a fairly constant companion in my nervous system, even when I didn’t yet have language for it. There was always something to worry about-whether I had done something wrong, whether I had offended God in some way, whether I was living up to the expectations placed around me. At the time, I didn’t recognize these patterns as anxiety. They simply felt like the background noise of life.

But the body was paying attention…

🔗 Read more on Substack!

Address

Nashville, TN
37212

Telephone

+16156690508

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Dr. Laura E Anderson posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Practice

Send a message to Dr. Laura E Anderson:

Shortcuts

Share

Category