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http://www.enlightenedmama.com/

Enlightened Mama, 1731 1st Street SW, New Brighton, MN (2025)

10/02/2025

So, I guess National Sons Day was a few days ago and like of my life right now, things like that slip through the cracks of my foggy, grief-stricken brain pretty easily unless I see someone else’s post or am reminded me of a memory on the socials🙃

But also, in keeping with my ever-tardy form, here’s my late post honoring my two sons … I started to go back and look for photos of them together, which is when I realized I actually did that the last time it was Sons Day, and instead wanted to find some of their last days together… Sure, there were a few good ones, but then I remembered that there was this amazing photo shoot that we had when we were in Florida on G’s Last Stand, a gift from a complete, but amazing, stranger Lisa, with LT Photography, who just wanted to help capture what we knew would be our final professional pics together as a family…

Overall, the generosity extended to our family on G’s Last Stand was beyond overwhelming, and as a person who is obsessed with photos of my kids, this gift was incredibly extra special to us… I’ve actually felt bad because I haven’t ever fully shared all the pics from this amazing shoot, and given Lisa a proper shout out, so stay tuned as the rest of them are coming…

But for now, I’m just going to sit here with tears in my eyes—both of grief and gratitude—and think about how lucky I am as a mother to have been graced with two such extraordinary spirits to take on a physical body, if even for just a while, so that I could have them as my sons… The two of them are so unique, yet so similar, and I must say that just like Isadora took on a lot of Gianna’s tendencies when she made her epic transition in 2023, Lukas has done the same for Giacomo…

His hugs are a little bit tighter and more frequent, his curiosity is even wilder, his sense of humor continues to grow ever more sarcastic and dark (some of which, of course is from me 😉,) his feistiness and self-assuredness is ever-present, and the PURE LOVE that absolutely POURS from his Divine Spark can only be described as other-worldly, undoubtedly influenced by his big brother (and sis) who’s up there in the fifth dimension now, keeping watch over us all…💙💚💫💜🩷🥹

09/27/2025

”Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.”…

I shared that quote six years ago, as my life was a mere four months in to what would become a complete implosion, explosion, multi-level tragedy, rebirth, transformation, transcendence, grief pit, and beautiful disaster all wrapped up in one… And when I look at that photo of the five of us on our front steps, embarking on, yet another, new chapter in our journey, I truly had no clue about what was to come. But soon enough, and over and over, I had to look so many fears directly in the eye and basically tell them to f*@& off, as we rode through the tumultuous storm that was our life…

A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon this other quote…

“The truest ride-or-dies are your kids...They’re the ones who saw your whole world fall apart, helped you pick up the pieces, and never even realized they were doing it.”

And really when I look back and all we’ve been through, all were presently going through, all the things that we anticipate coming, and all that we cannot, sure I guess I’ve had strength in all of this, but I have also had the absolute BEST ride-or-dies a person could ask for…

These four extraordinary humans have seen me at my absolute best—silly, joyful, blissful, and elated —and my unfathomable worst—belligerent, exhausted, shattered, and heartbroken…

And through it all, they have been by my side and/or connected to my spirit, motivating me in every aspect of my existence, keeping me grounded, providing unconditional love that truly is supposed to be reserved for a parent to give a child, opting to reciprocate the unwavering adoration I have for all of them…

And even though I know at some point, the time will come when I don’t have any of these amazing humans to physically walk with me on the path, I am certain without question, their Divine Spark spirits will continue to ride with me until I die my own earthly death, offering me perpetual strength, as I encounter more struggles that I cannot imagine at this point, and helping me to tell fear to keep f*@&ing off…

(And also maybe not even realizing that they’re doing it ☺️💙💙💚🩷💖💫)

09/25/2025

Another walk down memory lane…

Daughters—Yes…Siblings bonded eternally, first by earthly breath, life, existence, and death, and infinitely by the immense love shared between the three of us—Undoubtedly…There is no measure of the gratitude I am filled with to have had the earthly time together, with the two best daughters that ever existed, and to know they will both live on in the their light, wisdom, consciousness, and love, in all the dimensions 💜🩷💖💫💫

From 9/25/23

It’s National Daughter Day…Like all the days right now, it’s full of so many feels…But today I decided to let the joy and gratitude overpower the grief and sadness…

Very few mothers will have the opportunity to experience their daughters being present with one another as they enter and leave the physical world…

Having the honor to witness the immeasurable and powerful beauty of those moments, along with all of the laughter, love, compassion, and connection between them in the years, months, weeks, days, and minutes that occurred between Gianna welcoming Isadora as she took her first breath and Isadora holding Gianna’s hand and sitting with her (and me) for nearly 10 hours after she took her last breath…

Well, that’s nothing short of magic. 💜🥰💜🥰👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏼

09/10/2025

“Prepared. But never ready.”

Those were my own words on the morning of January 25, 2025, though I truly didn’t remembering uttering them, in my hazy grief-laden state of shock as I passed my beloved son, Giacomo Steven, off into the compassionate and caring hands of Greer’s Mortuary of Sedona in Sedona, AZ.

Up until the wee hours of this morning, those words and my tearful yet practical final thoughts were but a mystery to me… I knew that there were many photos and videos hiding in plain sight in my phone, though I was not ready to view them, taken by others as I lovingly honored my son’s postmortem wishes, in the way that I knew he would have adored and been simultaneously amused by, as moments of dark humor crept in to the dim shadows cast by my broken heart that sacred morning…

And had it not been for me checking my Facebook memories in my state of insomnia last night, seeing that a year ago today, the eve of Giacomo’s “Homeiversary” from our 4-month ordeal in the ICU back in 2019, I was not celebrating at all, but rather bawling my eyes out thinking about my final moments with my feisty angel of a daughter Gianna Rose Lilly…Well, those unprocessed feelings of grief would have remained locked up for the time being…

But instead, I sobbed and spent more than two hours going through every single video and photo taken on the morn of January 25, as darkness faded into light, watching some of them multiple times, including one that I have shared a couple of screenshots of, that I’ve easily watched over 25 times in the last 20 hours…The one in which I state “Prepared, but never ready.”—The same words that I have said to hundreds and hundreds of expecting couples over the years about the upcoming birth of their baby… because death is truly just the opposite of birth, two side sides of the same coin…

Of course I would like to share the entire video so that people can stop walking away and hiding from loss, and see what real, raw, unadulterated grief looks like, but that’s probably not welcome in this space…However, if you’re so inclined and would like to see the incredible impromptu video that my youngest son, Lukas, took as we said goodbye to his brother, I will happily send it to you if you shoot me a message… You’ll likely cry, but I think it will be worth it to get a glimpse of humanity in action.

And as my day has been filled with even more tears, I also have found some moments of glimmering light…The gratitude for those who have stuck by me and shown up when others have slipped away as the days since Giacomo’s epic launch become a distant memory to so many, yet remain ever-palpable to me….The gratitude for the two earthly children that remain by my side, a place of perpetual grieving and volatility that isn’t always so easy to nestle up against…

And I am irrefutably adorned with gratitude for each life-filled breath that all of us take in…Each exhale, never promised to be followed by another inhale…and never to be taken for granted….💜💔💫💙💔💫💚🩷💖❤️‍🩹

09/09/2025

As you may know, I am a mama to some very special kiddos and also a student working on my doctorate in public health (DrPH) at Tulane University with a focus on mental and physical health outcomes for those living with and caring for individuals with chronic illness.

I am wondering if any of you know someone (or perhaps that someone is you!) who would be willing to talk with me briefly about their journey for a project I am presently working on for one of my classes in advocacy and equity. I am looking for parents/caregivers living in Isanti and Hennepin counties who have had a child admitted and discharged from any of the metro area pediatric ICUs, preferably in the last 12 months, but it can be longer as well. I can meet in-person or virtually, whichever is easier for you. Everything will be kept completely confidential, and I can’t offer any compensation, unfortunately, but your responses will be vital to help improve care and lives for those who have spent time in the ICU!

(This particular ask is very specific, but I will have lots more opportunities in the future, as my work evolves, as I firmly believe that the voices of caregivers and family members like us need to be centered at every conversation :) So please let me know if you’d be interested in talking more with me in the future, if you have a story to share about you or your loved one’s time in the ICU, NICU, or PICU, even if this particular ask doesn’t pertain to you.)

Thanks in advance!! And PLEASE share this, as I’m not having much luck getting in approved in local groups that I’m part of! (Picture of my amazingly special kiddos, two still living and two still with us in spirit, and me for attention!)

08/06/2025

Happy World Breastfeeding Week, y’all!!! I’m thrilled to announce I’ve taken on a new little gig and will be back in the hospital, here and there! I’m so honored to be part of an amazing team at Hennepin Healthcare and have even greater opportunities to serve more families and help them achieve their personal infant feeding goals! 🤩

(And yes—I’m still offering in-home and in-office visits too!!) ☺️

08/01/2025

Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Day 31…

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Just as I did last year at this time, for my beloved and sweet Gianna 💜💖, I’m dedicating a photo each day to my uniquely magnificent Giacomo, taken on that day in amazing history of his life…It’s an important part of my grief journey to meander through memories with great intention each day, keeping alive and honoring G’s phenomenal Divine Spark and the mark he left on this earthly dimension… 💙💫✨🌟💙

July 31, 2010
-For this final share of this incredibly sacred collection of pics, I couldn’t decide between these two, so you’re getting a shot of both G’s fielding skills/looking cute at short stop and his batting prowess from one of his earliest baseball games…The guy always adored the sport, both as a player and a spectator, and he had big dreams to play for the Minnesota Twins someday…

Even though that was likely not going to happen, I never discouraged him from having that hope—-I did, however, remind him that if he did end up playing in the majors someday, he would have to get over the habit of watching his shadow while running the bases, something sadly not caught on camera back at this game from 15 years ago, but ever-etched in my brain and heart, as it was positively endearing to witness, albeit a good way to get distracted, slowed down, and likely contribute to an out 😅🥹😍⚾️💙

07/31/2025

Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Day 30…

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Just as I did last year at this time, for my beloved and sweet Gianna 💜💖, I’m dedicating a photo each day to my uniquely magnificent Giacomo, taken on that day in amazing history of his life…It’s an important part of my grief journey to meander through memories with great intention each day, keeping alive and honoring G’s phenomenal Divine Spark and the mark he left on this earthly dimension… 💙💫✨🌟💙

July 30, 2021
-The summer of 2021…AKA: The one where all members of the family became acutely aware of the importance of taking care of one’s skin, as I was at the very beginning stages of multi-year, multi-surgery, post-cancer facial reconstruction after a tiny bit of basal cell carcinoma turned out to not be so tiny…

During that time, I had to basically stay 100% free from any sun exposure, which absolutely put a damper on everyone’s summer fun…

However, as we tend to do in our little world, we didn’t let a little skin cancer ruin a good time and just found ways to enjoy life from the comfort of home, such as this pic from a mini spa day in the shade under the amazing awning that covers our back deck…

Clearly you can see that Giacomo was very okay with the day’s chill activities, and he loved the after-effects of the mask even more…So much so that he actually became quite a fan of the at-home facial after this first experience, which meant a lot more “DIY spa days,” but more importantly, even more opportunities to find pretty simple joy together without even having to step foot outside of the house…A house that now feels so empty without him and Gianna in it, but is also abundant with countless memories like this one…

07/30/2025

Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Day 29…

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Just as I did last year at this time, for my beloved and sweet Gianna 💜💖, I’m dedicating a photo each day to my uniquely magnificent Giacomo, taken on that day in amazing history of his life…It’s an important part of my grief journey to meander through memories with great intention each day, keeping alive and honoring G’s phenomenal Divine Spark and the mark he left on this earthly dimension… 💙💫✨🌟💙

July 29, 2011
-There were a handful of super sweet photos of Giacomo taken on this day, most of which were part of this collection from a trip with my parents and sister and her family to the Minnesota Zoo, one of G’s favorite places to go when he was little…

I ended up picking this one, sort of selfishly because I’m in it with him and that was a rare occurrence for me to end up in any pics with the kiddos back in those pre-smartphone-selfies-galore days, since I was the one who most often had the camera in my hand…

But more than that, the second I looked at this snapshot in time of pure and utter joy, I instantly thought the same thing that runs through my mind at least 6,104 times each and every day, and each time fighting off tears..

“Man, I miss him so much.”

That’s it. I just miss my boy so much and even though it’s been over six months now, it still doesn’t feel real that I’ll never again see that winning grin of his that nearly cost him his life, hear his laugh that often was so enormous that it became silent, or experience what it’s like to hug him close to me and feel nothing but love…

07/29/2025

Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Day 28…

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Just as I did last year at this time, for my beloved and sweet Gianna 💜💖, I’m dedicating a photo each day to my uniquely magnificent Giacomo, taken on that day in amazing history of his life…It’s an important part of my grief journey to meander through memories with great intention each day, keeping alive and honoring G’s phenomenal Divine Spark and the mark he left on this earthly dimension… 💙💫✨🌟💙

July 28, 2024
-Amid my crazy pile of grief after Gianna transitioned to the Great Beyond, I somehow lost track of time and missed the deadline for our area’s Muscular Dystrophy Association 2024 Summer Camp applications. Rather than have my kids be devastated, I opted to drive them to the next closest camp—8 hours away in the middle of Illinois, meaning 16+ hours of travel time in one day (and actually, twice in one week, because I also had to pick them up five days later.)

In one of a zillion acts of kindness and personal sacrifice that Giacomo’s nurses offered up to our family in the 5.5 years that he required 24-hour, round-the-clock nursing care, one of those amazing humans, Amy, offered to come in extra early and stay extra late—on her day off, on a Sunday—and make the LONG trek there and back with us to help take care of Giacomo (and to help keep me company!!)

Though I never imagined having nurses basically live in my house and had no sense of how hard it would be to lose the freedom to be able to travel freely with my kids without bringing along support, I now can’t imagine NOT having that time with all those nurses who are now not only part of the family, but part of the story of our journey. Yeah, it was sometimes challenging to navigate the whole home nursing care system, and it brought with it many massive changes that I had to make in my personal and professional life….But, man, I sure miss those nurses, and I have nothing but immense gratitude for all the love, caring, and compassion they provided to Giacomo and all of us, both figuratively and literally, as is the case in this picture, going the extra mile (or thousands of miles) for our family…💓💓💓

07/28/2025

Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Day 27…

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Just as I did last year at this time, for my beloved and sweet Gianna 💜💖, I’m dedicating a photo each day to my uniquely magnificent Giacomo, taken on that day in amazing history of his life…It’s an important part of my grief journey to meander through memories with great intention each day, keeping alive and honoring G’s phenomenal Divine Spark and the mark he left on this earthly dimension… 💙💫✨🌟💙

July 27, 2008
Long before I had children, I set the intention and goal as a mother that whatever offspring I would be blessed to have would be close as siblings, as I felt that this was likely to be an important thing for them. At that time, I had NO clue just how essential that would become, as they eventually would not only unite as brothers and sisters, but as warriors, together battling the same wretched disease, myotonic dystrophy.

Maybe it was my intention, or perhaps it was just divine alignment from the universe, but either way, I ended up with kids who are/were insanely close, all of whom adore each other in an inexplicable way that makes me well up with tears of joy, love, pride, and admiration for them, just thinking about it, and most certainly as I peruse through photos of them and find so many just like this one of him, Gianna, and newborn Lukas.

Giacomo, being the oldest, was the one who had to adjust the most each time he was given a new baby sibling, but honestly, there was never a single speck of a shift in his behavior (or truly any of theirs) with the introduction of another sister or brother…Instead, there was what you see here in this picture…Nothing but PURE LOVE, as he cherished each sibling, viewing them as a treasured gift, a trusty companion for all of life’s adventures, a comrade through the highs and lows of the journey, and an invaluabe member of the little flock of our family.💞💙💜💚🩷💞

07/28/2025

Bereaved Parents Awareness Month Day 26…

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Just as I did last year at this time, for my beloved and sweet Gianna 💜💖, I’m dedicating a photo each day to my uniquely magnificent Giacomo, taken on that day in amazing history of his life…It’s an important part of my grief journey to meander through memories with great intention each day, keeping alive and honoring G’s phenomenal Divine Spark and the mark he left on this earthly dimension… 💙💫✨🌟💙

July 26, 2011
-When I did this same month-long tribute to Gianna, I actually shared a very similar photo taken either just before or just after this one. We were up in Hayward, spending an amazing afternoon at Beaver Lake with my entire family, including my sister and her family who were visiting from New Zealand. It’s so wild to think back to those times that felt so much simpler and without stress...

I look at this photo and see such palpable and pure delight between siblings and cousins, without a care in the world…Even though we had already found out about the disease about six months prior, none of it felt very real at that moment as none of the kids had any really severe symptoms…

But you know what? Even when it started to get real..Even when this disease started to really inflict its power on us…Even when all four of them had symptoms…Even when I realized I was losing Gianna…Even when I realized I was losing Giacomo…

Even then, and ESPECIALLY then, we still found, and continue to find, moments of utter joy whenever possible…

And when people ask me how I get by…How I do I do it?? It’s these little snippets in time, all added up together…as a collection of happiness inside the pain, to make one incredible life…💫💫💖💖💖💖

Enlightened Mama

10/02/2025

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