Alison Bulman, Psychotherapist & Lovitation Coach

04/30/2026

Couples: this is how things go way south.

You're probably often willing to be honest when it's about the easy stuff.

But when it's messy, childish, anger, resentment, loneliness, jealousy, we shutdown.

Or we may lash out because it's easier to be angry than to calm the eff down, be vulnerable, and admit that we're actually hurt and afraid.

We sweep that unpleasant s**t under the rug. Til the rug is so lumpy in the relationship, that we're tripping, falling down, as the stuff comes out sideways in passive aggressive behaviors: "You need to vacuum the rug!" Instead of naming the lump that vacuuming won't ever resolve.

This sweeping under is lethal to relationships. Poison.

Over time, it corrodes what was once good with weird vibes, stifled conversations, tension, and inexplicable, progressive distancing.

And woe-is the lame or non-existent s*x.

Imagine a 10-year marriage, kids, finances....and not talking about the hard stuff.

It's no wonder most marriages end in divorce. Ugly ones.

If we can face our fears of sharing the hard stuff, while keeping the focus on ourselves, it's like relationship CPR.

For example: "When you did or said this, I felt....," and "How does it feel hearing that?"

But we have to do it all the time. Daily. Until it becomes so automatic it's an ingrained part of your relationship's "culture."

We need a partner contract of emotional safety, honesty, vulnerability and not attacking. A commitment to bring everything up without fearing getting stabbed in the back.

(PS: "I feel like you're a do*****ag," is not a feeling. Name-calling and labeling don't fly. They doom a conversation.)

I've attached examples of what ARE feelings. From the amazing codependency author Pia Melody.

Having the I-focused language for our nuanced feelings makes things MUCH more interesting to talk about AND helps keep our partner from becoming defensive.

When we hear ourselves saying, "You this," "You that!" then we're in the red zone and need to re-focus instead on ourselves.

That is key to creating a safe relational environment to pull off this vulnerability thing.

THEN a calm, productive adult conversion can have a chance.

And we can honor ourselves by sharing our truth.

In the aftermath, couples usually feel closer than ever.

I use these tools every day in my relationship and it's created massive love and serenity that we think other couples need so BADLY.

I offer a 12-week training for couples on more of these game-changing communication skills that keep hearts, minds, souls and bodies running smoothly.

Private message me if you'd like to learn more. We'll get into the nitty gritty of conversation landmines and how to keep both sides of your street super clean.

You need to have each others' backs.

ALWAYS.

So you can walk through life without either of you ever falling down.

02/28/2026

02/27/2026

This guy.

As a couples therapist, I see something powerful happen in the room again and again.

A man takes a breath.
He slows down.
And instead of defending, fixing, or shutting down… he shares what he’s actually feeling.

Not the strategy.
Not the argument.
The truth.

That moment? It’s strength.

In Lovitation, the practice I teach, vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s leadership. When a man says, “I’m hurt,” or “I’m scared of losing you,” or “I feel like I’m failing,” the entire emotional climate shifts.

Wives don’t roll their eyes.
They don’t lose respect.
They don’t feel burdened.

They are relieved.
Mesmerized.
Delighted.

Because underneath most conflict is a longing to feel close.

Real strength isn’t emotional armor.
It’s the courage to take it off.

And when men do?
Connection deepens in seconds.

That’s Lovitation. 💛



https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVOi7lujh58/?igsh=MW5vbnQ2ZmluYWhpdg==

02/27/2026

Weekend communication tip that will help you feel closer to people and prevent anger.

Interrupting does more harm than pi***ng people off.

You miss an opportunity to really see them given more time and space to show up in the conversation.

It’s often surprising juicy stuff you get to hear that you would have otherwise missed, if you just stay quiet a little longer.

Try it: wait a count of three to five seconds, yes, that long, in uncomfortable silence, before responding.

Bonus: ask “tell me more about that,” no matter how much you feel the urge to weigh in, disagree, elaborate, or add something of your own.

Put that up on a visual shelf for later.

Wait. Listen.

And hear the person bloom. 🌹

02/27/2026

I’m so grateful for this lovely review of my Cornell Healthy Relationships event by the Cornell Club. ❤️

On a winter evening ahead of Valentine’s Day, the Cornell Women’s Advocacy Network (CWAN) gathered for a meaningful Galentine’s Day celebration centered on something deeper than flowers and chocolates: connection. On February 10th, over 30 Cornellians came together for a Healthy Relationships Workshop led by Alison Bulman ’97, an award-winning author and nationally recognized relationship expert.

The evening welcomed alumni and friends for a thoughtful program focused on strengthening relationships in every part of life: professional, romantic, platonic, and the often-overlooked relationship with ourselves. In a warm and open setting, guests connected over shared experiences, met new faces across industries and class years, and reconnected with familiar ones.

Alison guided attendees through hands-on exercises designed to build emotional awareness and communication skills. Using the Emotion Wheel as a framework, participants identified and unpacked feelings that often go unnamed in everyday life. Through paired discussions and group sharing, the room quickly transformed into a space of honesty and reflection.

As conversations deepened, attendees explored emotions tied to family dynamics, workplace challenges, friendships, and romantic relationships. Many shared that they left with a clearer understanding of how to articulate their emotions, set boundaries, and show up more intentionally in their connections.

The workshop struck a powerful balance between insight and action. Guests walked away not only with practical tools and homework for healthier communication, but also with renewed empathy for themselves and for others.

Thank you to Programming Chair Sarah Collins for connecting CWAN with Alison and spearheading the event. A special shoutout to Programming Chair Rhea Bansal for her support throughout the planning process. We also thank the entire CWAN board for hosting and bringing this thoughtfully executed event to life.

CWAN continues to create spaces in New York City where Cornell women can grow personally and professionally while building an authentic community. This Galentine’s Day gathering was a reminder that strong relationships of every kind are built through self-awareness, vulnerability, and the courage to communicate.”

Follow Cornell Women’s Advocacy Network for details on their next event: https://www.linkedin.com/company/cornell-women-s-advocacy-network

For additional information, please reach out to CWAN President Julia Pienkowska ’23 at julia.pienkowska@gmail.com.

https://blogs.cornell.edu/regionalclubnews/2026/02/24/cornell-womens-advocacy-network-cwan-healthy-relationships-workshop-with-alison-bulman-97/

Cornell Women’s Advocacy Network (CWAN): Healthy Relationships Workshop with Alison Bulman ’97 On a winter evening ahead of Valentine’s Day, the Cornell Women’s Advocacy Network (CWAN) gathered for a meaningful Galentine’s Day celebration centered on something deeper than flowers and choco...

02/24/2026

Here’s a communication tip I use obsessively that will help you understand the people around you way better.

Try it this week: it’s one of the best questions you can ever ask:



We think we know, but we don’t. Don’t assume. We all define the same words differently.

I ask it incessantly.

It clears up tons of potential misunderstandings, avoids disagreements, and increases the level of intimacy, when you truly get another person’s world.

02/14/2026

💘 Valentine’s Day Lovitation

The greatest gift we can give someone is our attention.

There’s magic in eye contact: it’s intimate, it’s electric, and yes… it’s hot.

Today, try this:
👉 Pause.
👉 Put down the phone.
👉 Lock eyes with your partner for 30 seconds. Ask, How do you feel right now?

No distractions. No agenda. Just presence.

Eye contact isn’t just connection. It’s desire meeting attention.

Give it a try today. You might be surprised how deep that spark can go. 🔥

02/11/2026

Grateful to the Cornell Women’s Advocacy Network and to Sarah Collins for inviting me into such a meaningful evening.

Nearly 50 people gathered with openness and courage for a conversation about Healthy Relationships, and the sense of safety and connection in the room was profound.

Together we explored Lovitation, the experience of staying emotionally present with another person and allowing real connection to emerge. It is simple, and it is powerful.

I shared passages from my upcoming book, “Mindfully Yours,” and then something beautiful happened. Old friends reconnected. Mothers and daughters spoke more honestly. Important questions were asked about intimacy, boundaries, and relationships at work. A gentle exercise of shared appreciation softened the entire room.

On a personal note, my 90-year-old parents were there. My father is Cornell class of ’57. It was the first time they had ever seen me lead a workshop. That alone made the night deeply moving.

Sharing these photos as a reminder of what becomes possible when we slow down, listen, and meet one another with presence.

With gratitude. 💫

02/10/2026

Come out tonight by Union Square, where I’m offering a talk/workshop on Healthy Relationships, sponsored by Cornell University. All genders welcome as are those who didn’t attend Cornell. Come say hi! 👋 Meet great new people (mostly successful single women 😉 and help us co-create some warm Valentine’s vibes. Hope to see you there! ❤️

Join the Cornell Women’s Advocacy Network for a special gathering focused on connection, communication, and healthy relationships—romantic, platonic, professional, and with yourself. We’re thrilled to welcome Alison Bulman ’97, LCSW, an award-winning author, nationally recognized relationshi...

02/02/2026

If you’ve been sober curious… this is your sign….
📅 this Wednesday at 12pm
Join me for our FREE virtual Sober Curious Kickoff—a supportive space led by me-a trained addiction specialist-to learn, reflect, connect, and explore perspectives on drinking a lot, a little, or not at all.
Hope to see you there 🤍
Register at The Sober Curious Happy Hour: An addiction expert’s free weekly drop-in. https://www.meetup.com/lovitation/events/313144188/?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=share-btn_savedevents_share_modal&utm_source=link&utm_version=v2&member_id=478614161

02/02/2026

It’s HOW we say things that often inflicts the negative impact.

Most people don’t realize how their tone, volume, intonation convey criticism or contempt that makes their partner too unsafe to tell the hard truths.

They shutdown, you drift apart and the relationship unravels.

We’ve got to speak in a way that doesn’t activate each other’s nervous systems.

Lovitation — mindful communication — keeps the peace so you both feel seen, heard, and understood.

So today, breathe.

See if you can say it kinder, gentler.

That’s how they can actually hear it.

When you don’t scare them away.