11/13/2022
Choosing Joy and positivity is a must to thrive in this world BUT that does not mean you should deny your emotions. I came across this toxic positivity book and agree with much of it.
~ Coach Kathy
Here are 9 phrases that might be doing more harm than good:
1. “Don’t cry!”
We usually say this because we’re uncomfortable sitting with someone who is emotional. Crying is helpful, normal, and allowed. Telling someone not to cry implies that what they’re doing is wrong and encourages them to suppress their emotions.
2. “You have so much to be grateful for.”
We can feel upset while also being grateful for what we have, but this feels dismissive and silencing in a moment of struggle.
3. “Time heals all wounds.”
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Telling someone this when they are very much not over something can be insensitive and shaming. Only they get to decide when they’ve healed, and sometimes we don’t “get over it.”
4. “At least it’s not ____.”
Anything with “at least” in front of it is minimizing. It’s not helpful to compare suffering. (At least you’re not dead, right? Is that helpful? Didn’t think so.)
5. “Your attitude is everything.”
This is an oversimplification of our reality. Many studies show that an entire network of factors contributes to someone’s success. Their attitude is an important factor, but it is not everything.
6. “Be grateful for what you learned.”
This is particularly harmful after someone has experienced a traumatic event. Sadly, I commonly see this used after someone has been abused. Yes, we will eventually learn from our struggles, but it doesn’t mean we have to be grateful for that lesson. Often the price is too high.
7. “It could be worse.”
True. It could also be better. This statement minimizes and also informs the person that their suffering isn’t justified because it’s not the “worst.”
8. “Cut all negativity out of your life.”
A life without negativity is a life devoid of learning and growth. If we cut all negative people or experiences out of our life, we will end up alone and emotionally stunted.
9. “Never give up.”
There are certain situations when giving up is very brave or necessary. It doesn’t always mean that the person was weak or couldn’t handle it. Often it means they were strong enough to know when to walk away.
Whitney Goodman