05/14/2026
This is for the parents who might be feeling ashamed, guilty, embarrassed, or sorrowful, or for the adult child now processing attachment trauma and struggling to make sense of what that means and the possibility of repair. ♥️🫂
Attachment history is not the only part of a person’s experience that fully determines how they show up in the world, nor is it reflective of a parent’s personhood or “goodness.”
Rather, attachment in early childhood is reflective of so much more: a parent’s physical and emotional capacity, financial circumstances (i.e., working multiple jobs to make sure all basic needs are met), a parent’s own early childhood experiences and relationship with themselves (generational trauma), a parent’s access to emotionally supportive resources, a parent’s physical health, and the list could go on.
In addition to considering what the parents’ circumstances might have been, a child’s natural temperament also plays a significant role that often gets overlooked. Temperament is not only determined by early life experience, but also genetics and brain development.
So please know that understanding attachment theory and how it informs Attachment-Based Therapy is not intended to shame, but rather to inform so that healing can be met with more resources and greater depth.
From the perspective of recognizing the gifts, understanding attachment theory also helps us to humanize our behavior in adulthood, recognizing and acknowledging that how we show up in relationships, at its deepest core, is actually about finding a way to remain connected in a way that feels safe for our nervous system.
