10/23/2024
It's your Angel birthday today....show your angel pals how to throw a real party...set up a beer dart tourney....
I struggle with time; sometimes it drags on, sometimes it flies by. My flawed human brain can't square what happened one year ago with the fact that it was one year ago...blurred lines, colors, memories, touches, smells, and things I must have blocked out of my head at the time for self-preservation. As today approached, I tried to crawl back into the dark, the fog, the suck, just to see if I could remember some details. I'm afraid of forgetting details because I want to hold onto every single thought. I came up with a list; I know you're totally familiar with it. Heck, you remember everything. But for those besides me that are hurting today, and there are a lot of people who have you on their mind and in their hearts, I want them to know just how goddamn tough you are;
• 1 – the number of years this Earth has been without you
• 365 – the number of days I’ve cried about you
• 032006 – your Earthly birthdate
• 102323 – your Angelic birthdate
• 17 – the number of years I got to be your daddy on Earth
• Forever – the length of time I’ll be your daddy
• 081221 – the day of the diagnosis
• 081621 – the day of your first surgery
• 10.5 – the number of hours of your first surgery
• 46 – the number of radiation treatments that you endured
• 0220 – the moment you took your last breath on Earth
• 0220 – the moment I died on the inside
• 0330 – the time your death certificate was signed
• 0440 – the moment your earthly body was taken by the funeral home
• 2.75 – the number of hours I sat alone with you in the cremation room, staring blankly at you
• Unknown – how I made myself push the button to have you cremated
• 1300 – the temperature in degrees at the peak of cremation
• 0 – the number of days I’ve moved on since I lost you
• 2 – the number of Memorial benches in your name in New Richmond
• 1 – the number of scholarships that have been awarded in your name
• 8 – the number of families that the generosity of your Army has allowed us to support
• 4 – the number of donations we’ve been able to make to research and university hospitals in your name
• 0 – the number of times we will EVER stop supporting Addy’s Army’s mission
• Countless – the number of people you touched in 17 short years
• Zero – the number of things I’ve changed in your bedroom
• 11 months, 4 days – the average life expectancy for your type of cancer
• 26 – the number of months you fought
You have and continue to move mountains down here. There's a reason you're an angel; I hate it, but I know there's a reason.....and if what I've learned over the course of 1 year is true, I believe your soul, your energy, your spirit is going to start something; something big. I'm not sure what that is yet, but you're a gifted soul, and gifted souls keep on making things better, making people better, even when they're gone. I'm a better person because of you. Hal, Blake and Lex are better people because of you....
It's funny how the strongest person I have ever known can have the safest, most innocent, kind and soft-hearted soul I've ever experienced. And THAT is why you're special my dear girl...
Dad
