Areale Counseling & Wellness

What is Adverse Childhood Effect?

In an ideal social environment, children are provided with safety, stability, understanding, acceptance, healthy boundaries, and love. These are essential ingredients for healthy ego formation. However, when the social environment is unstable, unsafe, rejecting, abusive, negligent, or invalidating, we may feel fearful, confused, or ashamed and develop a weak ego or poor self-esteem.

When we experience traumatic events in childhood, we tend to not have appropriate coping skills or resources to deal with intense emotions and reactions, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and powerless. Over time, we may develop negative beliefs about ourselves, such as that we are not good enough, worthless, bad, evil, inferior, incapable, or unlovable, or we may believe that the world is a dangerous place and people are not trustworthy.

We may also develop ambivalent relationships with ourselves and our caregivers if the people we love are also the ones who abuse, neglect, or humiliate us. These foundations often show up later in adulthood in various areas, including our relationships, our career, and our self-esteem.

Self love liberates us from the prison and bo***ge of the past. Self-love is perhaps the most important LOVE a human being can experience. Without it, we cannot give fully or receive love from others. Self love is the foundation of a healthy relationship with ourselves and the world around us.

Too often, we focus on finding love from others when the most important love is the one we have for ourselves. When we truly love ourselves, we open up to receiving and giving love in all its forms. We accept ourselves unconditionally and see our own value and worth. We treat ourselves with compassion and care. We forgive ourselves for our mistakes and live with intention.

“At Areale Counseling & Wellness, we partner with you to improve your mental health and emotional wellbeing, to enable you to achieve your goals, reach your potential and thrive – both at work and in your personal lives.

We are a place for self-discovery, emotional health and healing®. We see the humanity and soul of the individual and emphasize freedom, individuation and psychological wholeness.”

Andreau Charles, Founder, Depth Oriented Psychotherapist and Life Coach

Learn more: https://arealecounselingandwellness.com/

The fear of failure can keep us from taking risks, trying new things, and reaching our full potential. Yet, it is possible to learn to overcome our fears and to take the steps necessary to achieve success.

1. One way to overcome the fear of failure is to reframe your thinking. Another way is to adopt an attitude of curiosity and a growth mindset.

2. Instead of seeing failure as “ending or finality”, try viewing it as an opportunity for growth and the beginning of something new. Trying and failing are essential parts of the growth process.

3. Remember, you are always growing, evolving and learning. Every time you fail, you are one step closer to success.

4. Embrace your mistakes and learn from them.

By adopting a different mindset, you may discover that you are capable of much more than you ever thought possible.

It is easy to doubt or second-guess your choices and wonder if you are really cut out for whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. It could be starting a new job or a new business, taking adventurous trips around the world, engaging in your passion project, pursuing higher education, exploring serious relationships and starting a family or just leaving and starting something new.

Self-doubt is a normal, regular functional human emotion and can be viewed as nothing more than a stop on the road toward success. Everyone experiences it. What’s important is to recognize and acknowledge when it’s happening, and continue to pursue your goals.

Fear and doubt are two strong defensive emotions that can protect us from real or imagined danger and may also keep our egos (persona) safe from perceived annihilation. Be mindful, remember these emotions are normal and impermanent, and take great care to not allow yourself to become stuck, bound, or imprisoned in fear and doubt.

Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing you and your loved ones a day filled with love, peace and joy.

If you struggle saying no to yourself and others, you are not alone. Many of us share this common struggle on a daily basis.

However, there are things you can do to gain confidence, and self assurance in saying no to those things that may cause you physical or emotional harm.

Start by having an intentional and focused view on your own wants and needs.

Carve out regular time to engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment on your own terms.

Remember that it's okay to put yourself first sometimes.

Practice saying no may help to reinforce the message that you are worthy of respect – regardless of what other people might think or say.

With time, you will find it easier and easier to say no in situations where you need to.

One of the best ways to improve self-love is by learning to accept yourself. This means accepting yourself for who you are, including your flaws, quirks, idiosyncrasies and all.

It can be difficult to do this, but it’s important to remember that nobody is perfect.

Everyone has things about themselves that they don’t like, but that’s what makes us unique and special.

Self love is about embracing our uniqueness and individuality.

One of the most important things you can do to build self-esteem is to know who you are and define your own worth. You are the only one who can decide what you are worth, and no one else can or should be given permission to tell you or determine your worth.

Take some time to think about what you have to offer the world and what makes you unique. Once you have a good understanding of your own worth, it will be easier to stand up for yourself and to believe in yourself.

An important aspect of self-love is giving yourself kindness, compassion and grace. This means being gentle with yourself when you make mistakes, and recognizing that everyone makes them from time to time. Remember, you are an individual human being and mistakes are integral to learning, growing, as they are part of the human experience.

Practicing self-care is an essential way to honor ourselves. Indeed, it can be easy to forget about self-care when life gets busy or stressful, but it’s important to remember that taking care of yourself is taking care of your overall wellbeing.

This includes attending to your physical, s*xual, mental, spiritual health, investing in self-discovery, personal growth, and doing things that nourishes and foster feelings of happiness and joyfulness.

Setting a healthy boundary is not about being arrogant, cold, stoic or pretending to be flawlessly confident; in fact, it is an act of vulnerability and openness.

By acknowledging our uncertainty or even fear about the situation, we create a compassionate context that allows the other person to see us as human and accessible, which can make it easier for them to hear our message and understand why we need this boundary.

When it comes to setting healthy boundaries with loved ones, many of us may struggle with feelings of uncertainty, guilt or even fear.

Some of us may worry that if we set a boundary, we will be seen as disagreeable or unlikable, leaving us fearful that the person on the receiving end of our boundary will react negatively and with hostility. This may be true and that is okay.

We have a responsibility to love, respect and honor ourselves. Embrace your healthy boundaries and let them communicate self love!

Our professional careers can take a huge toll on our emotional and physical wellbeing.

Here are 7 signs you might be heading for burnout.

1) Changes in sleep patterns

2) Increased fatigue and exhaustion

3) Negative thinking and being overly critical

4) Feeling numb or apathetic about life

5) Neglecting self care

6) Increased irritability

7) Loss of libido (s*x drive) and creative energy

Healing trauma takes time, acceptance, letting go, and learning new ways to live a life free of self imposed guilt and shame.

As you are on your healing journey, ask yourself these questions in a deeply reflective way:

1) Is what I am holding onto worth the space it is taking up in my life?

2) Am I giving my time and energy to support my growth and healing?

3) What debt am I trying to pay off by holding on to the guilt and shame?

Living an authentic life involves working within both the conscious and unconscious layers of your psyche. This includes having an awareness of experiences that nourish, nurture, and destroy: by tasting, and choosing whether you must chew or swallow, accept or reject what is being fed to you.

Love is often thought of as a romantic feeling between two people. While romance is certainly a part of love, it is not the whole story. Love is about respect and trust. When you love someone, you respect their needs and their identity. You do not try to change them to fit your own idea of who they should be. You accept them as they are, and you are proud to be on their team.

As an artist, the battle with self-doubt, thoughts and feelings of being an impostor and fear of failure can lead to creativity being blocked or stuck, which can take an emotional toll on you.

Any self-imposed demand to be perfect can sometimes lead to isolation, unhelpful thoughts, negative behaviors, anxiety and depression. We encourage you to take a gentle and respectful approach to your creative psyche and recommend these five things to do to get unstuck and reignite your creative spark:

1. Accept your humanity and remember, creativity happens on its own time.

2. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, and engage in playfulness of your choice.

3. Take a break from your creative project and come back to it later with fresh eyes.

4. See failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.

5. Use positive self-talk to boost your confidence.

Being caught up in the constant cycle of working hard but never feeling like it is good enough could place a huge burden on your emotional health and wellbeing.

This need to over-perform coupled with the fear of never being good enough can lead to high stress, reduced s*x drive, and serious physical illness.

The truth is, work is separate and distinct from who you are as an individual human being.
Next time you’re exhausted at work and feeling like you’ll never be recognized, take a deep breath and remember that the function of work is not who you are. Remember that you are more than the duties you perform at work. Embrace these truths.

The act of self-love and healing comes from learning what your needs are.

Give yourself permission to heal from the pain of your past and choose a healthy, happy life.

Healing takes time, patience, acceptance, grace, and letting yourself off the hook of self-blame and shame.

“We must find simple words for the great truths; we must try to approach the living truth behind things, it’s mankind’s oldest effort.

In our time, it’s the intellect that is making darkness, because we’ve let it take too big a place.
Consciousness discriminates, judges, analyses, and emphasises the contradictions. It’s necessary work up to a point.
But analysis kills and synthesis brings to life.
We must find out how to get everything back into connection with everything else.
We must resist the vice of intellectualism, and get it understood that we cannot only understand.”

— Carl Gustav Jung speaking: Interviews and Encounters (speaking to George Duplain, P. 420)

Healing from childhood traumatic wounds is a lifelong, day by day process. It's not something that can be fixed in a few weeks or even a few months.

World Mental Health Day.

Let's create a world in which everyone's mental health is valued, acknowledged
and protected.

Give yourself permission to heal from the pain of your past and build a healthy, happy life.

Healing from childhood traumatic wounds is a lifelong process. It's not something that can be fixed in a few weeks or even a few months.

It takes time, patience, acceptance, grace, and letting yourself off the hook of self-blame and shame. It is a day by day process.

Give yourself permission to heal from the pain of your past and build a healthy, happy life.

Healing from childhood traumatic wounds is a lifelong process. It's not something that can be fixed in a few weeks or even a few months.

It takes time, patience, acceptance, grace, and letting yourself off the hook of self-blame and shame. It is a day by day process.

Sometimes after experiencing trauma, it can be difficult to feel like you are worthy of anything good. You may start seeking validation from the people who contributed to your trauma, thinking that if they treat you well, it must mean that you are valuable.

Remember the source of your trauma – these people do not have your best interests at heart. They are not reliable sources of support, and by seeking their approval, you are giving them more power over you.

Instead of looking to them for validation, find people who will love, respect and support you unconditionally. These are the people who will help you heal and move on from your trauma.

Trauma survivors tend to have a smaller window of tolerance than people without trauma.

A window of tolerance is someone’s ability to be uncomfortable or feel intense emotions while remaining calm, grounded and present.

Trauma survivors tend to be more easily in a panic mode or shut down mode.

A trauma survivor does not need you to try and rationalize the situation for them.

Instead, they need:

- For you to remain calm, safe and grounded

- Provide a gentle distraction and supportive containment

The path to healing is never linear. We are constantly evolving and growing. There will be ups and downs along the way. The key is to keep moving forward. Never give up on yourself. You deserve to heal and to be happy.

There is a lot of talk about setting boundaries these days.

Personal boundaries are how we heal. They are how we learn to have healthy relationships.

When you set boundaries, you are essentially creating a self-care strategy. You are telling yourself (and others) what you need in order to feel safe, respected, and healthy.

Boundaries can involve setting limits on how much time you spend with certain people, what kind of language you use and will tolerate, or how much of yourself you share with others..

Setting boundaries is not about being selfish - it is self-love, taking care of yourself and sending a message that you matter and your needs are important.

If you're not sure how to set boundaries, here are some tips:

1. Think about your needs, values and beliefs. What is important to you? What do you believe in? When you know what you stand for, it will be easier to set boundaries that align with your values.

2. Communicate your needs clearly. Don't expect others to guess what you need - be direct in your communication. Tell them what you need and why it's important to you.

3. Set limits and stick to them. It's okay to say "no" or "not now." Don't feel like you have to explain yourself - simply state your limit and move on.

The path to self-discovery and healing can be a long journey. It is lined with pain, finding deep self-love and acceptance, paired with a vision and a choice of where we want to go.

The tendency to have a hard time being alone, or feel like you constantly need to fill up your time and feel busy, is often rooted in unresolved childhood emotional injuries or psychological trauma.

Being alone can feel uncomfortable if you have old, painful stuff that you haven't processed yet.

Learning to be our own best friend and to enjoy our time alone not only enhances the quality of our lives, but increases the quality of the connection that we have with others.

6 things we can do to strengthen the relationship we have with ourselves.

1) Journal – write out your thoughts and feelings

2) Do healing work in therapy – here you have a healthy container for all your emotions and feeling states

3) Write affirmations and stick them all around your space – they act as a reminder to stay in with the healing mindset.

4)Choose something you enjoy to do and intentionally do it by yourself – treating yourself with care and compassion is an act of love and healing.

5) Bring awareness and gentle loving curiosity to the moments that are hard for you when you're alone – practice honest reflection and self care.

6)Find your younger self and ask them what they need to hear – which helps to reconnect with and reparent yourself.