05/21/2024
What is more important in dating: getting the person you’re with to like you or considering whether you like them?
Considering whether you like them. Yet, we so often compromise our needs and our authenticity to accommodate the person sitting across from us on a coffee date.
This is what “dating for validation” rather than “dating for addition” looks like. While dating for validation, we fear rejection because we equate one person not wanting to be with us as a confirmation that we are undesirable and unworthy of love.
Dating for addition, however, is dating, knowing that you deserve love, and believing that whoever you allow to fill that role should add to your life. Because you know your worth, you know you don’t have to contort yourself into being what others want you to be and pursuing those who don’t really want you to prove that you can. Dating for addition is knowing and accepting that most people you date won’t be the one. So, instead of trying to make someone fit into your life and mourning those that don’t add to your happiness, you let it go because you know you are already whole without them. The right match is the bonus.
When you keep your needs front and center, you finally start the journey of finding what you’re looking for.
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