11/07/2025
I DIDN’T WANT A CAREGIVER—I WANTED MY OLD LIFE BACK
When they first told me I’d never walk again, I didn’t cry. I just nodded like I was hearing the weather forecast. Sunny with a chance of paralysis. I didn’t want pity. I didn’t want “you’re so strong” speeches. I just wanted space to feel like I’d lost something I couldn’t even name.
So when the nurse said I’d need part-time help, I flat-out refused. “I’ve got it,” I said. I didn’t. The kitchen was a battlefield, showers were impossible, and don’t even get me started on dropped spoons.
That’s when Saara showed up.
She wasn’t what I pictured. Younger than I expected, and not overly sweet. She didn’t speak to me like I was fragile. She just asked, “Where’s your coffee?” and started making a cup like she’d been doing it for years.
At first, I kept her at arm’s length. No personal questions, no chatting. She helped with the basics and left. But over time, I caught myself laughing at her dumb jokes. I started saving little things I knew she’d like—books from my shelf, articles I thought she’d want to read.
Then one day, I had a breakdown over something stupid. I’d dropped a bowl and couldn’t reach it. I just sat there, furious at the world. Saara didn’t rush to fix it. She sat on the floor next to me and said, “It’s not about the bowl, is it?”
And something cracked open.
I didn’t want a caregiver. I didn’t want help. But she made it feel like something else. Like maybe I hadn’t lost everything. Like maybe connection didn’t have to feel like defeat.
Then yesterday, she told me she’s ⬇️
(continue reading in the first cᴑmment)