05/31/2024
No one is above the law.
And I don’t just mean the law of a particular land. I mean the law of human nature. The universal law that allows us to be equal and connected. The basic guidelines of trust and civility and mutual recognition by which we must abide in order to LIVE--safely, fully, and freely--in one another’s presence.
Therapists keep this idea of justice in mind. (The “moral third” as Jessica Benjamin calls it). Especially when a particular client challenges us, provokes us, crosses boundaries again and again, and maybe even BLAMES US for trouble they’ve caused themselves. Our job at these times is to remain grounded, centered, sane. To set very clear boundaries, parameters, limits on what is allowable in our relational exchange. Not with the intention of punishing the client, as if they are a “badly” behaved child. Not to “lock them up” as the endgame. Or to control them, to “win,” to be “right” or to “have our way.” But to invite them to have a bidirectional relationship with us and with others in their lives. To contain and name their destructive behavior as a way to encourage them to self-regulate and to participate in relationships that are mutually beneficial.
We seek this kind of justice as parents as well. As lovers, companions, as friends, as members of communities and professional organizations. When we call one another out in the name of universal justice, we are seeking connection, inviting us all to be in relationship with one another. We are not seeking an ending: “you're bad.” But a beginning: I see you. You see me. Let’s imagine how we can best get along together. And maybe, just maybe, we can then find some connection, some common ground, some creative possibilities for the greater good of us ALL along the way.
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