Todd Baratz, New York, NY (2025)

06/15/2025

For everyone who never felt fathered. Who still ache for the love they never received. Who carry those wounds quietly, and often alone...
 Please learn to love yourself in the ways you never received from him.

Because we don’t just inherit our father’s DNA—we inherit their incompleteness. 
Their fears.
Their absences.
Their unlived lives. 
And unless we bring that inheritance into consciousness, we end up living it out. 
We either rebel in self-destructive ways, or we become them and unconsciously recreate their wounds.

Facing that reality is how we stop being defined by it.

You can name the loss without letting it dictate your worth.

You can grieve the absence without living in pursuit of its repair.

And most of all, you can stop trying to earn the love of someone who never had the capacity to give it.

You deserve more. You deserve to want more from your life and from yourself— 
Not in ways your father failed to offer, but in ways you can now choose to give yourself.

01/29/2025

If you want a safe connection you have to be open. Vulnerable. Inviting. Warm. Loving.
And not just once in a while. This has to be ongoing, consistent and reliable.

And if you struggle doing these things, you have to do the work to understand where and when you learned to hide.

Because blame, deflection, defensiveness is truly a boring outdated defense mechanism that doesn’t work in the adult world.

You have to take responsibility for this style of being.

And not just for your partner or your relationship.
But for yourself.

So you can grow past childhood.
So you can actually learn how to feel love.

Because walls, withdrawal, invulnerability, minimizing, invalidating or dismissing are all things that keep you distant from truly experiencing the gifts relationships offer.

01/28/2025

A total turn off. Stop chasing. Lose interest. Disengage. We all deserve much more.

01/26/2025

We are all out here doing too much, trying to cope with anxiety.

Feeling wayyy too guilty.

Always trying to be the bigger person.

Avoiding out of fear.

Spiraling over something in the present that’s really about the past.

Not confronting enough.

Confronting when we should be disengaging.

It's a lot.🥵

01/25/2025

Hope you have a nice and calm weekend🤪

01/24/2025

So many people default to believing that their needs are 'too much.' This belief doesn’t come out of nowhere—it's often a response to being in a relationship with a partner who is unable or unwilling to meet those needs. And instead of taking accountability for their limitations, that partner might dismiss you as 'needy,' leaving you to question the validity of your desires.

But here’s the truth: whether a need feels like 'too much,' 'reasonable,' or 'enough' has nothing to do with the need itself. It’s all about the context of the relationship. In a partnership where your needs can be fulfilled, they wouldn’t even register as an issue. But in a relationship where your partner cannot or will not meet those needs, they can become the defining tension point. Suddenly, what you need is seen as a flaw or a problem—something you’re blamed for having in the first place.

This dynamic can be incredibly damaging because it makes you question your own worth and the legitimacy of your needs. But remember, the issue isn’t that you have needs—it’s that your partner may not be equipped to meet them. Needs are not inherently 'too much' or 'unreasonable'; they only feel that way in relationships where they aren’t valued or supported.

A quote from my book, How to Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind. Go get your copy! Link in bio.

01/24/2025

Are you building something real, or just coasting?

If you or your partner can’t envision a long-term future together, it’s time to ask the hard questions: What are we doing? Why are we here? Relationships thrive on clarity, commitment, and shared vision. Without it… what’s the point?

And if you don’t know how to integrate the future into discussions here are some examples.

Plan trips together
- Where do you dream of traveling?
Talk about life goals
- Where do you see yourselves living?
- What are your career or financial goals?
Dream about a family
- Do you wants kids? pets? A farm?
Envision what relationship growth could look like
- what do you want the relationship to look like in 1, 5, or 10 years
- how do you want to grow as a couple?
Personal growth
- talk about how you can support each other’s personal development.
Plan Fun Milestones
- Celebrate your relationship by planning anniversaries, parties, or gifts
Talk about shared hobbies or projects
- What activities do you want to try together? Cooking classes? DIY home projects?

01/23/2025

Being a good partner isn’t rocket science—it’s really not that complicated. Love your person the way they need to be loved. Take the time to understand what makes them feel seen, valued, and safe, and meet them there. 100% perfection? Unrealistic. But you should be able to show up at least 70% of the time. That’s a C-. If you can’t hit a C-, that’s a problem.

Not something to beat yourself up over, but definitely something to pay attention to immediately. Otherwise, you’re not being honest with yourself—you’re just replaying unresolved wounds from childhood and letting your trauma run the show. It’s not fair to your partner, and it’s not fair to you. So figure your s**t out. Learn how to be a good partner.

01/22/2025

Hurt doesn’t give you a free pass to hurt others.

Accountability matters—if we don’t take responsibility for our actions, how can we expect others to do the same?

Your feelings deserve space, but growth happens when you learn to express them without causing harm.

01/21/2025

Too much focus on analyzing other people. Judging them. Blaming them. It’s just not helpful. We have to focus on ourselves. Stay in our own lane and mind our business. We impact our relationships by changing ourselves—not blaming our partners or labeling others.

Be the person you so desperately seek. If you’re spending more time focusing on other people’s narratives, explaining or trying to analyze their behavior, you’re the problem.

Real maturity comes from being brave enough to focus on our ourselves and the role we play in our relationships. To figure out what gets in the way of us showing up vulnerable, empathetic, real, collaborative, and more. This is how we create satisfying relationships—not by demanding our partners change.

And if you’re not in a relationship, this is the perfect time to understand who you are so you can show up fully in your future relationship (because you will find one).

01/20/2025

If your partner is upset, it’s not your job to judge the validity of their feelings—it’s your job to listen and understand.

Calling them dramatic, saying they’re overreacting, or dismissing their emotions as irrational only deepens the disconnection.

Instead, focus on being present and curious about what they’re experiencing. Even if you don’t fully understand or agree their reaction. Validating their feelings shows respect, care, and a willingness to work through challenges together as a team not adversaries.

This is what makes a safe relationship.

01/19/2025

There’s no such thing as a “normal” childhood—it’s inherently challenging, even if you had “perfect” parents (which, spoiler: don’t exist).

All parents are human beings with their own issues, traumas, and imperfections. We all need help and support. We all need to figure out who we are.

And yes, finding a therapist is hard. Paying for therapy is hard. But at some point, investing in yourself becomes non-negotiable. Therapy isn’t just for healing; it’s for understanding yourself, growing, and living the life you deserve.
 I have a group practice in NYC, but we see clients virtually all over the world. We offer a sliding scale to make therapy more accessible. Check out or reach out to info@toddsbaratz.com. You can also click the link in my bio to get in touch.

Take the first step.

Todd Baratz

06/15/2025

01/29/2025

01/28/2025

01/26/2025

01/25/2025

01/24/2025

01/24/2025

01/23/2025

01/22/2025

01/21/2025

01/20/2025

01/19/2025

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