09/14/2025
Relationships are hard. Finding a partner can be hard. Moving through life together once you find said partner can be hard. I don’t believe that the “right person” should mean that the relationship is easy. That narrative has caused us more problems than it has helped us. Instead, I’d say that relationships should be safe. Of course, ease and joy and pleasure and fun ought to be a big part of the mix, but it’s just not what relationships are all of the time.
Last week I wrote about the rise of AI relationships in my newsletter. Falling in love with AI, partnering with AI, finding your life companion in AI…it really makes me scared for us. It’s a reality that has already begun, and will continue. Artificial Intimacy, initially coined by Sherry Turkle, is…well…easy. Turn to AI for validation, affirmation, agreeableness, and so forth, and no wonder “intimacy” is happening more and more between human and large language models. It’s much easier than a partner who has their own stuff getting in the way of repair. It’s much easier than having to have a hard conversation where you’re unsure of how it will go. It’s much easier than sharing a vulnerability you question will be received well. And honestly, a par of me gets it. When you’ve been disappointed, shut out, rejected, or misattuned to for years, no wonder it’s enticing. But can true intimacy happen with something that doesn’t have a heart, a nervous system, or a history with its own pain and wounding that needs relationships to support in healing it?
All of this to say, I’m in this with you. To continue teaching what goes into healthy intimate partnership. To have safety in the inevitable hard moments, instead of simply replacing it with ease.
