09/12/2025
When we have an anxious attachment style, what we’re actually seeking is for our partner to regulate our nervous system.
We struggle with feelings of vulnerability and fear of abandonment. So relationships become more like a puzzle— something we have to constantly focus on and analyze. We become meaning making machines, always looking for clues for how the other person truly feels.
Unlike avoidants, who cope with their anxiety by isolating— people with anxious attachment cope by being chronically needy or emotionally overbearing. This can look like monitoring behavior and taking it personally. Giving emotional space or letting someone be in a “mood” feels unsafe.
Healing for someone with anxious attachment means finding a patient partner who can both reassure and show empathy. It also means learning how to directly communicate and how to self soothe. In moments when we feel unsure or insecure movement or journaling can be medicine. The more space we give, the more we teach our body that not all distant means abandonment. And not all moods are about us.
Do you struggle with anxious attachment? How do you deal with it?
