Albert Ellis Institute

11/20/2025

Nobody Thinks About You That Much
In an individualistic culture, it seems to be widely assumed that everybody is intently watching us. That time you tripped on the sidewalk? God, everyone STILL talks about it. That time you snorted out a bit of coffee on a first date? It’s been the only thing on your date’s mind. Of course, in addition to that, the entire cafe replayed it in their minds in slow motion, and has since formed a support group to discuss the incident. Right?

Or maybe not.

Maybe someone noticed the snort. Maybe they even thought about it for a moment. Jeez, that’s a lot of coffee. Whatever was the case in that scenario, here is the broad (and possibly difficult) truth: nobody, and I mean nobody, is thinking about you all that much. Think about all of the thoughts you have in a day. Now, multiply that by the millions of people living in New York City. The majority of those thoughts are more than likely about each individual’s own stumbles, misfortunes, and interpersonal problems. While it may soothe the ego to think so, we are just not the main character in everyone else’s story, and we do not need their approval. REBT calls this out as an irrational belief:“Everyone must approve of me, and if they don’t, it’s catastrophic.” Catastrophic? Hardly. Embarrassing? Sure. But life-ruining? Only if you decide to make it so. The “musts” are what transform a spilled drink into a personal Greek tragedy.

With this notion comes an acceptance. It may be difficult to accept that we are less important to the general public than we’d like to be. However, I revel in the freedom that is found here. Go ahead and wear the ugly-cute thing you can’t find an occasion for. Dance on the subway platform to music only present in your headphones. Ask a server for “the usual” knowing damn well you’ve never been to that restaurant. As you do all of these and more, notice how the world keeps on turning, life feels more fun, and at the very worst, you’re someone’s funny story to bring home to their family.

11/08/2025

Our next Friday Night Live with Kristene A. Doyle, Ph.D. is right around the corner on November 14th 2025! Then we have our last Friday Night Live of the year on December 5th with Raymond DiGiuseppe, Ph.D. You may join us in-person at Albert Ellis Institute or remotely via Zoom. Don’t miss out on these live demonstrations of REBT with our experts!

11/08/2025

Join us for our upcoming professional workshop, “Transforming Mindsets: Helping Clients Build Healthy Habits with REBT”, presented by Michael Hickey, Ph.D. on December 5th and receive 3 continuing education contact hours! This event is hybrid so you may join us in-person at Albert Ellis Institue or remotely via Zoom.

Leader: Michael Hickey, Ph.D., Director of Psychological Evaluations & Core Faculty Trainer Cost: $135.00 Date: Friday, December 5th, 2025 | 9:30 am EST – 12:45 pm EST Location: HYBRID- 145 East 32nd…

10/01/2025

Join us for our first professional workshop of the season on October 10th! This workshop will be held in-person at Albert Ellis Institute or remotely via Zoom so you can join from anywhere in the world! Don’t moss out!

Leader: Raymond DiGiuseppe, Ph.D., Director of Professional Training & Core Faculty Trainer Cost: $135.00 Date: Friday, October 10th, 2025 | 1:30 pm EST – 4:45 pm EST Location: HYBRID- 145 East 32nd…

09/29/2025

Our latest blog: “The Weapon of Choice” by Christina Levi

Today’s world is full of a variety (or at least, the illusion) of endless choices. At our fingertips, we are given access to every kind of cuisine, every possible route to a destination, and even every possible single person in our area “looking for something casual.” One would think that these opportunities would lead to a greater sense of freedom and excitement. However, I have observed those around me becoming seemingly paralyzed by choice. The mountain of options in our lives has created a sort of debilitation, in which we seem to have less conviction in what we believe is a fine enough option.

I’m not talking about deciding whether to take out a mortgage. What I’m referring to is the torment of picking a bagel flavor, or whether to reply to that guy on Hinge who just isn’t that cute. Suddenly, these low stakes decisions are loaded with irrational weight. What if the bagel is awful? What if I’ve just wasted $10? What if I’ve wasted a whopping two hours of my life on this awkward date?

Irrational beliefs are more than likely at play here. We wouldn’t be so worried about these outcomes if there weren’t some awfulizing, demanding, or intolerable cognitions associated with them. For example, picking a gross bagel flavor might be annoying, and we might prefer not to swallow ten bucks, but it doesn’t have to ruin the rest of our day. We might be counting the minutes on a crappy date, but it doesn’t have to be the person we spend the rest of our lives with. If nothing else, we’ve learned a funny story and maybe got a free meal. As humans, we tend to flee from the worst case scenario. We may not want to entertain the thought of what would happen if a date goes sour. But by confronting that, we can learn how the worst case scenario might not be all that bad. It takes some stock out of otherwise heavy or intense decision making. Are we able to live with a fine enough choice? Maybe we’ll save some energy for life’s larger quandaries.

09/27/2025

Happy Birthday to our founder and fearless leader, Dr. Albert Ellis. A renegade, pioneer, no-nonsense man whose life work was to promote emotional and behavioral health. We all thank you for your mentorship, guidance, encouragement, and dedication.

09/22/2025

Our latest blog, “I Am Bored, What To Do Now?”, by Ben Murat Hosgor:

Daily life is full of those little moments where boredom sneaks in. We scroll our phones,
check social media, grab a coffee, snack on something, go for a walk, chat with a friend, the list
goes on. There’s nothing wrong with any of that. In fact, doing these things mindfully and taking
intentional breaks from the grind can be restorative.

But sometimes we fall into a trap: trying to force ourselves to take full advantage of those
breaks. You might catch yourself pushing to enjoy every 15 minutes of downtime, or anxiously
distracting yourself during lunch just because you think you “should.”

Ever notice how boredom feels almost unbearable at times? You might hear yourself
saying: “I’m bored, I have to do something!” or “This is unusual, this is unbearable, I must
change my mood.” Modern life constantly entertains and distracts us—plans, events, deadlines,
goals, endless notifications. With all that stimulation, the simple state of “being bored” can feel
foreign, even threatening. No wonder we sometimes panic when it shows up.

REBT and Boredom: Two Angles

1. Demandingness
In REBT, demandingness is one of the core irrational beliefs. It shows up in rigid self-talk like:
“I must not be bored.”
“This must be fun.”
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

The more demands you pile on boredom, the heavier it feels. Instead of relaxing into a
break, you pressure yourself into “fixing” it. The shift here is subtle but powerful: turn those
rigid musts into flexible preferences.

Instead of “I must not be bored,” try: “I’d prefer not to feel bored right now, but it’s okay
if I do.”

Instead of “This has to be fun,” try: “I’d like this to be fun, but it doesn’t have to be.”
This small change softens the grip of boredom and opens space for acceptance.

2. Frustration Tolerance
Another REBT angle is frustration intolerance, the belief that discomfort is
“unbearable.” With boredom, it sounds like:
“I can’t stand this.”
“This is intolerable.”

But here’s the truth: you can stand it. You’ve stood it before, and you’ll stand it again.
Boredom is uncomfortable, yes; but not catastrophic. By reframing your self-talk from “I can’t
stand this” to “I don’t like this, but I can handle it,” you lower frustration, anxiety, and despair.
Taking a deep breath and staying with boredom, even for a few minutes, can actually
transform the experience. It becomes less about escaping and more about allowing. That shift
builds resilience. So who’s ready to be bored without distress?

09/10/2025

Today is World Su***de Prevention Day. Let us remember those we have lost and support anyone who is struggling. Nobody needs to feel alone.

09/10/2025

Our latest blog, “On Being A Fraudulent Artist,” by Christina Levi

Art has been at the core of my identity for as long as I can remember. The “A” at the end of my name was always allocated to “artistic” when making acrostic poems in elementary school. If I was feeling generous, I’d double down and make the “C” stand for “creative”. I took pride in my tiny clay pinch pots from art class and learned new instruments with remarkable ease. My fine art and music courses were the highlight of my day throughout middle and high school. In college, I minored in music and practiced my painting skills on my own time, as often as I could. However, after undergraduate school, I had no formal art education, and less motivation to practice my art independently. My days became filled with the study of psychology and the general circus act of attending graduate school. As we were asked to provide fun facts about ourselves in classes, I gravitated toward my usual answer: “I’m an artist! I love to make music, paint, and crochet.”

For the first time in my life, that fun fact rolled off my tongue with an unusual bitterness. Who was I to call myself an “artist”? I had never gone to art school. Most of my formal art education ended in my teens. Very few people had ever paid for my art, except for a couple at street fairs. I ruminated on the artist identity that I had woven into my personality for so long. Did I even deserve to have it anymore? I should’ve maintained my practice more diligently. I should’ve made more efforts to find mentors and save up for lessons. Any art that I made around that time felt rudimentary and unworthy of seeing the light of day. What is art, then, if it’s not even witnessed?

Let’s be specific for a moment. I’d like to propose a working definition of the word “artist”, plainly, as “a person who makes art”. I never claimed to be a professional artist. If it were true that the only real artists were those who made a living entirely on their art, then we’d have very few real artists in the world! A major tenet of REBT is acceptance (that is, self-acceptance, other-acceptance, and life-acceptance). In self-acceptance, we learn to identify ourselves as neither good nor bad people. We learn to state the facts of our existence without judgement. I’ll try it for you here. I can call myself an artist on the basis that I give rise to art. Yes, my proportions are definitely way off sometimes. No, I have no idea how to color match, but I’ll still try. I enjoy making art. That’s a fact! I enjoy watching my friends light up when I custom make them a project. That is a fact, too. My art is neither good nor bad. It just is.

09/03/2025

Our latest blog, “A Hot Take on the Morning Commute,” by Katarina Vattes, M.S.:

As my second month of commuting to the big New York City apple begins, I feel as though I am embodying the movie character Elle Woods — Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde. Instead, use your imagination and make me her twin sister – a doctoral student – now one of the many Long Island commuters who follows along the train for a day in the big city.

I recall spending my first trip quite simply riding the train. I mean literally – looking around and absorbing the monotony of the daily morning commute. One of the hundreds of other Long Island bugs that migrate nearly 30 miles every day to go to work.

Daily train ride etiquette includes keeping to yourself and not causing an above average amount of noise earlier than 8:30. Older folks dressed in suits and ties, blue collar workers with their daily tools, and youngsters who have recently joined the work force. Most choose to keep to themselves – closing their eyes and hoping to catch a couple minutes more of sleep before a full workday in NYC.

You will notice the crescendo-ing chatter as the clock creeps closer to a non-peak train hour. As 9:30 creeps along, you will begin to hear people chatting on the phone or whispering with one another in their seats. As the day awakens, so do perspectives and willingness to engage in the world and be present in the moment.

I unsurprisingly found myself talking about my struggle commuting to a friend of mine. I described the loss of time and precious hours of each day spent on the train. An older gentleman overheard my chatter and chimed in his thoughts about my experience.

He pointed out the paradox of my thinking and worrying about which train to take each evening. Suggesting the loss of time and energy spent focusing on the inevitable fact that I will be returning home to Long Island each evening. “Instead, you can find something to do on the train. Close your eyes in the morning - try to catch a couple minutes of sleep. In the afternoon, try to do something you like or enjoy that can make your time better spent.”

It almost feels criminal to say that the arrival to my final stop is usually around 10 or maybe 11 o’clock on an “early morning.” Imagine if I repeated that to the everyday hard-working American who awakens hours before me each day to work hard to provide for their families. Who am I to complain about commuting from my nice house in my nice clothes to my nice train station to work in a nice air-conditioned office building? I am lucky to be providing a service to people seeking guidance and collecting such valuable experiences.

This simple reminder from this gentleman helped me to reframe my perspective of the everyday commute. Instead, each day is an opportunity to spend an hour alone before facing the day. An hour to sit with my coffee, breakfast biscuit, or my book. Instead of a daily hassle, the daily commute can be an opportunity for growth. Two hours each day is enough time to do and learn so much. If I choose to take this hour and waste it, of course I’m going to waste it. But instead, if I choose to change my attitude and make the most of this time, I choose to open my mind and create a new possibility.

So next time, hopefully, instead of waiting for an older gentleman to suggest how I can make my life more tolerable, I will choose to look at my life with the flexibility and openness with which it genuinely is. Each day is a new beginning for me to be able to literally do or learn whatever I want. All of us have a morning commute each day, so why not choose to make it a good one?

09/02/2025

Albert Ellis Institute is pleased to announce this upcoming training…

08/26/2025

Our latest blog, “When Rage Meets Reality: Learning to Accept My Friend’s Flaws,” by Ben Murat Hosgor, M.A. :

The concert I had been looking forward to for months was almost here. We were getting ready to head out, but a few hours before the show, my friend realized he had actually bought tickets for a different date—in a different state. My body shook with a wave of rage, and I felt extremely angry at him. My mind raced with thoughts like: How could he not double-check? Is he that careless? We wasted so much money! We missed our chance to see our favorite band!

I have this amazing, almost perfect friend whom I truly enjoy spending time with—he’s funny, caring, and supportive. But sometimes, he gets on my nerves. He’s a terrible planner. Whenever he organizes something, there’s usually some mistake—missing details, outdated information, or scheduling conflicts. Just the other day, he put together a weekend itinerary that included overlapping events, activities no longer available, and even some sold-out shows.

At first, I was furious that he hadn’t thought things through. But then I realized: he really isn’t a great planner. This is simply one of his traits—it doesn’t define his entire worth as a person. I had been overgeneralizing and placing rigid demands on him: He should have planned better. He must check all the details. He must confirm everything with me. By holding onto these “musts” and “shoulds,” I was fueling my own anger.

REBT reminds me to separate a person’s behaviors from their entire being. His planning mistakes are what he does, but they are not him. The principle of unconditional other acceptance (UOA) means recognizing that people are fallible human beings with strengths and weaknesses, just like me. When we overgeneralize someone’s flaws to their whole character or impose rigid demands on them, we set ourselves up for unhealthy negative emotions, like rage, rather than healthy ones, like annoyance or disappointment.

The truth is, human beings are imperfect, and expecting perfection will only bring more emotional disturbance. By accepting my friend unconditionally, I can acknowledge his poor planning skills without condemning him as a whole person. I can still value our friendship, even when his mistakes inconvenience me.