06/20/2024
GREETINGS FROM MY NEIGHBOR STUART
The guilt of joy.
By: Stuart Knight (Founder and CEO) | June 19, 2024
Not just once, and definitely not just twice, but often I find myself feeling happy, while simultaneously feeling guilty about it at the same time. I could be enjoying a coffee at an outdoor cafe on a Monday morning, taking a stroll through NYC in the afternoon or having lunch with a friend, all the while an inner voice is yelling, “Shouldn’t you be at work?”
Of course, there are other places I “should” be too, including the kitchen loading the dishwasher, on the phone re-negotiating my mortgage or outside organizing another soccer game for my kids. However, being at my job is usually the main thought crossing my mind when I’m doing anything that makes me feel content.
Regardless of what is killing my moment of joy, it always seems to have something to do with me not accomplishing something else. Even as I write these words, that little SOB is whispering, “You do realize that you have videos that need to be edited right?” Why does this happen? Where does it begin? It certainly didn’t begin at the beginning of our lives. All I have to do is observe my young children to know they see their happiness being interrupted by homework, piano practice and chores as being equivalent to death by a thousand lego pieces.
That means somewhere between childhood and adulthood we began thinking that something “important” was being sacrificed during times of joy. In fact, this thing must be so important that happiness is a hindrance to it. Wow, just writing those words makes me want to laugh out loud, commonly known as LOL to many of you. Surely, we can admit that somewhere along the way, we have chosen a path that is not leading us toward the life we’re meant to live?
Yes, accomplishing tasks, doing errands, cleaning the house and having a job are all part of life, and I don’t want to think what my bathroom would look like if it wasn’t hosed down every couple of weeks! And sure, I realize that thinking I’m somehow going to skirt a system that pays us for our labour, so that we can then pay for the things we think we want and need is delusional. But within this world we have created, and now deem to be best for us, more and more people seem to be asking whether there might be a better way. Anyone who follows my work, or knows me personally, is aware that this is a question I’ve been asking for decades.
Yet, even though I’ve been questioning an existence so many people believe will never change, I too still get sucked into having thoughts that defy all that feels natural to me. I used to believe that I would eventually be able to beat it, and maybe someday I will, but until then I see it as something I need to consciously contend with every day. Thankfully, the more I enter that war, the easier it is to win the battle. Hence, the fact that I allow myself to enjoy a coffee at 11am at an outdoor cafe on a Monday morning, where once I wouldn’t have afforded myself that luxury.
I think we’ve come to a point in history where more of us, if not all of us, need to wage this battle more often. We need to accept that almost everything human beings once thought was normal, was later reinvented or seen through a new set of eyes. Need I remind you that people once thought earthquakes happened because they thought their particular god was a bit vexed by some rule being broken?
I think it’s time to question things more than ever before. Do we need to work as much as we do? Is having that many pairs of shoes something people should try to attain? Is following the life of someone solely based on their level of attractiveness a good idea? Have we not come to a point in history where it’s time to start pushing back again? Actually, scrap that last question, because it seems to be happening, and I have to say that it’s quite exciting to watch and be a part of. Just this week, the Surgeon General of the United States said that he wants to encourage congress to pass a law that puts the same warning labels on social media as we today see on packs of ci******es. This is just one example of how people are beginning to wake up and say, “Hey, surely we can do better.”
Another example of this happening in real time can be seen by how the workforce has changed since the pandemic, with people either not going back to the office, or at the very least working part time from home. Personally, as someone who preaches the importance of human connection, this change has caused me serious concern, while at the same time conceding the benefits that come with it. What really saddens me is knowing that before the pandemic, organizations did such a poor job creating a culture of belonging and promoting meaningful connection, that people simply weren’t enticed to return to a place they didn’t miss.
However, it was the pandemic that also helped people see the power of our human connections, and the role they played in our wellbeing, which is why more leaders are taking action to make it a priority. In fact, that’s what it’s all about. Your happiness needs to be a priority. And yes, organizing your kids soccer game, making time for a friend or having a clean house can bring you happiness. I'm not saying that it has to be all about you. Rather, it has to be about you consciously knowing yourself, and what brings you happiness directly or indirectly. If something doesn’t bring you happiness, you need to fight like hell to eliminate it, or at the very least, make it less of a priority in your life.
Years ago, I taught a course called The Evolution Group. During one of the seminars I asked the group to list out all of the things they really want in life that require money. I asked them to get clear on things such as the number of times they wanted to eat in restaurants, take trips, buy nice clothes, and so on. From there, I asked them to add up how much it cost to do those things, and then translate it into a monthly amount of money they would need in order to make that a reality.
And finally, they calculated the amount of money they would need to make per year to continue living this lifestyle. By the end of the exercise, almost everyone in the class realized that they were making much more money than what was required to pay for the things they had identified as bringing them joy. Ultimately, this left them with the realization that they had been working harder than what was necessary to get what they wanted.
So, what do you really want, and are you doing what it takes to get it? Only you know the answer to that question. All I can say is that if you find yourself feeling happy, go with it.
You’re probably not wrong.
Much love,
Stuart
