11/16/2025
After 18 years in this field, I’ve found that common tools like feeling charts with emoji faces, though well-meaning, don’t provide children with the depth they need to understand and manage their emotions. The "use your words" approach? Doesn't work if they don't have the words.The "calm down and then we'll talk"? Just teaches them to stuff it down.
Here's what actually works:
You name what you see happening in their body. For instance, after a long school day, your child might slump onto the couch with a sigh and droopy shoulders. You could say, "I see you're lying on the couch and your shoulders look relaxed. You might be feeling tired after such a busy day." This helps them connect their physical state with emotional vocabulary. Not what you think they're feeling. Not what you would be feeling. What you're literally observing in their body right now."I notice your fists are clenched. I'm wondering if you're feeling frustrated."Your voice is getting louder. Sounds like you might be feeling overwhelmed."You pulled away when I tried to hug you. Makes me think something's bothering you."You're connecting their physical experience to the emotional world. That's how kids actually learn this stuff—through their bodies first, vocabulary second. A nd here's why this works when everything else fails: You're not putting them on the spot. You're not demanding they figure it out themselves. You're giving them the bridge between what their body is doing and what that feeling is called.
This week, try narrating your child's physical feelings and offer a specific emotion word to describe them. Pick one moment when your kid is clearly feeling something but can't or won't say what. Narrate what you see in their body, then offer one specific emotion word. Don't ask them to confirm it. Don't wait for them to respond. Just name it and move on. For childcare providers, this practice can help create a supportive group environment where children learn from each other as well. It's important to remember that it's normal for kids not to respond or even to push back. Consistency matters, so keep applying this method even if you don't see immediate results. You're planting seeds. That's the work.
Meanwhile, remember that silence doesn't mean lack of progress. It's okay if your child or the children in your care don't open up immediately; it's a gradual process. Consider keeping a journal to track subtle changes over time, whether at home or in a classroom.
Reassure yourself that patience and consistency are key, and you are already making a positive impact, whether you’re a parent or a childcare provider.
P.S. If you’re a childcare professional working with kids who have challenges expressing their emotions, we’re experts in helping you feel more confident and less stressed. Reach out to our mental health consultant, Kimberly Boulden, LCSW, at
Kimberly@thecenterforchilddevelopment.com for personalized support and strategies.
www.ccddelaware.com
