11/18/2025
We Continue To Climb
The aspect of grief I find the most frustrating is the spiral staircase feeling of emotions. One moment at the top feeling calm, and others at the bottom feeling profound pain.
I never know exactly when these emotions will strike.
One day I feel as if I'm climbing up and healing, and the next, I'm right back to the bottom. It's exhausting. But, as the years go on, I've noticed that the calm days are more frequent than the turbulent days.
I still remember the day my loved one died, but I don’t experience the intense feeling of pain I once did. I no longer step down as far into my grief as time goes on.
As we grieve the person we love and lost, we may feel some of the most powerful feelings we've ever experienced in our life. At other times, the feelings subside and don’t feel as strong. We sometimes feel like we can stop and catch our breath. But then, suddenly, those intense feelings of loss become extreme again, and we feel like we're right back at the bottom step of the spiral staircase where we started.
The grief will never end, but as we move back to the feelings we had in the very beginning, we feel as if we're spiraling down once again. Just when we think we've climbed a long way up that staircase, we find ourselves heading back down.
When we feel these intense feelings, that doesn't mean we've walked all the way down to the bottom of the staircase. We've gone down, but we never really go all the way to the very bottom, that dark place we were the day our loved one died. We've climbed up out of our grief and have grown through our pain.
We've changed and grown through our grief experience.
Here's the thing...we continue to climb.
Being aware there will be times we step down that spiral staircase can help us accept when it happens and take solace in the fact that we'll never go down as far as before.
There's no need to be discouraged when we do walk down.
Those days will always come...but we'll continue to climb higher towards healing each day.
And...find hope in reaching the top.
Gary Sturgis - Surviving Grief