04/12/2021
What it Means To Love A Girl Who Has Lived Through Trauma
A girl who has lived through trauma has lived through a situation where her body, her mind, her self was not her own.
Where she felt disjointed, ripped from her self, safety, and sanity. It was a moment, an experience, a something where her trust was smashed, her worth was gone and all there was pain.
A girl who has lived through trauma is the girl who was pushed into the deep end of the pool when she didnât know how to swim, but somehow found her way to the ledge anyway. She walked through a forest fire and didnât succumb to the smoke, but dealt with the burns and made it out in spite of the flames. She found herself in free fall but refused to break upon impact.
She survived. She did.
But the thing about trauma, is that even when it is over it never really goes away.
And sometimes trauma is loud. Sometimes itâs the monster banging at the windows and screaming gutturally and demonically inside of nightmares. Itâs nails on a chalkboard and an earthquake that rattles everyoneâs floors. It smashes everything in its wake and forces, no, demands that everyone acknowledge its terrible, terrible presence. She wonât have any choice but to sit with hands clapped over her ears making sounds that are barely human because she just wants everything to stop and it wonât.
But other times, trauma is quiet. Itâs sneaky.
Itâs the feeling that she is being watched or that she is walking down the street with the word âvictimâ painted on her forehead in red and everyone is privy to her secrets. Itâs the nagging fear that if she goes to sleep her dreams will be anything but restful. Itâs the little whisper saying, âYou will never be whole again,â that itches its way into the back of her mind and repeats over, and over, and over. And you wonât even see it because she convinces herself that she is the only one who knows that it is there.
Itâs the feeling that she is a 100,000-piece puzzle of black and grey and everyone staring at the mess realizes that putting her back together is simply not worth the effort.
So, when you love a girl whoâs gone through trauma, youâre saying that you see the worth in helping her bandage the wounds. Youâre saying that you see the worth someone else tried to bury. Youâre saying you are not afraid of the bad days and you see the beauty in the good days. Youâre saying that a lot of things may scare you, but trauma isnât one of them.
When you love a girl whoâs battled trauma, youâre really saying,
âLove, let me help you heal because I believe you can.â
Loving girl who has managed to make it to the other side of a traumatic experience is like deciding to restore an abandoned house. She has the framework and the good bones, but you may need to spackle holes someone else left behind on the walls. She has the makings for beautiful, light-filled windows, but youâll need to replace a few of the cracked panes with new glass. She has the door frame; she just needs a door.
Sheâll make a lovely home one day, but there needs some care in order to make a space where both of you can fit.
See, loving a girl with trauma in her history is not some choose your own adventure or some level in a game you need to beat. It takes time, it takes patience. Itâs not something you âwin atâ itâs something you deal with day by day. It takes a level of commitment because reality is, loving her is not simple.
She is inherently complicated. She is stained with memories she wishes she did not have but that she will never be rid of. She is pieced together and the stitching may be tighter in some spots than others so you have to be careful to not unravel her with one careless tug.
But she is brave. And she is strong.
Author unknown
