Aspire Counseling and Wellness

02/01/2024

Really good information! 💜💜

Sarah R. Moore, Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting 💕

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12/14/2023

10/04/2023

Only after so many experiences of coregulation can we begin to self-regulate. Thank you, SPT and Dr. Erickson! 💜

02/25/2023

This. 💜👏🏼

Robyn Gobbel - Trauma, Toxic Stress, & Baffling Behaviors 💕
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It's perfectly human to want someone else's distressing behavior to stop because it makes us uncomfortable (and sometimes it's dangerous).
Believe me, I feel deeply the pull to manipulate someone else's nervous system so I'll feel more comfortable.

I do it more than I'd like to admit publicly here on social media 😜 You can ask my husband.
But that's not real co-regulation.

Co-regulation has no agenda besides "I'm here with you. I can hold this distress as long as it needed."

I'm definitely not throwing shade (um, my BFF's young daughter recently introduced me to this lingo. Is it hip?? I'm old and never leave the house so I'm outta touch with the lingo...)

Anyway I'm definitely not throwing shade at all the times we are offering co-regulation as an attempt to change someone else.

Like I said. I get it. I do it, too.

We can allow our humanity to be completely wonderfully true AND see if we can increase our noticing and our awareness of when we being present versus when we are trying to get someone else to change.

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02/23/2023

Love this! 💚 Thank you Trending Paths!

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=724595625794920&id=100047334684890&sfnsn=mo&mibextid=RUbZ1f

02/13/2023

Thank you for creating and sharing.

This is great information. A great reminder from The OT Tool Box is to remember as individuals, this won't apply to 100% of everyone.

02/13/2023

Just a few ideas.

Remember, something that works for us in one moment may not be what we need in a different moment. This can change even within the same day.

Keep experimenting and trying things out!

The OT Toolbox 💞

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02/13/2023

💜

"In a moment when you're deeply connected to yourself, you're actually bigger than the experience you're having." 💕 - Lisa Dion

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02/13/2023

💜💜💜🥰

The Contented Child, Child Wellbeing Consultancy 💕 and Dr. Laura Markham 💕

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02/05/2023

🥰

02/05/2023

Thank you for this post share, Synergetic Play Therapy Institute and .

Good info!

When you see an infant struggling to roll over, voicing their displeasure with the way they've gotten themselves stuck on their back, it's easy to want to pick them up to comfort them, or roll them the rest of the way.

When you see a toddler struggling to snap two blocks together, yelling in annoyance that it just won't work, it's easy to want to swoop in to take it, fix it, and hand it back.

When you see a child struggling...a pr***en struggling...a teen struggling...

When you see anyone struggle it's easy to want to step in and do it for them. And I'm not saying to leave your child so mired in frustration that they escalate to the point of rage or throwing the object or getting absolutely lost in their frustration.
I'm just suggesting you slow down first.

Sit down beside them. Observe how they're working. Empathize with how tricky it is. Ask if they want help. Give a verbal prompt. Guide them without doing it for them. Offer to put it away until later.

Any or all of these might be appropriate, at different times. This isn't a one-size-fits-all "trick". There aren't many of those in parenting or, indeed, in relationships at all.

But children don't learn to manage frustration if they never experience it. If they're gravitating towards a tough and tricky thing, let them try. Let them fail. Let them try again. It's okay.

[Image description: A picture of a focused child stacking multicolored blocks, next to text reading: "If your child is choosing to return, over and over again, to something they can't do yet: They are choosing the struggle. They are choosing to learn. They are choosing to grow. Don't rob them of that."]

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02/05/2023

💜

Karen Young - Hey Sigmund 💕
•
There is a beautiful ‘everythingness’ in all of us. The key to living well is being able to live flexibly and more deliberately between our edges.
So often though, the ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ we inhale in childhood and as we grow, lead us to abandon some of those precious, needed parts of us. ‘Don’t be angry/ selfish/ shy/ rude. She’s not a maths person.’ ‘Don’t argue.’ Ugh.

Let’s make sure our children don’t cancel parts of themselves. They are everything, but not always all at once. They can be anxious and brave. Strong and soft. Angry and calm. Big and small. Generous and self-ish. Some things they will find hard, and they can do hard things. None of these are wrong ways to be. What trips us up is rigidity, and only ever responding from one side of who we can be.
We all have extremes or parts we favour. This is what makes up the beautiful, complex, individuality of us. We don’t need to change this, but the more we can open our children to the possibility in them, the more options they will have in responding to challenges, the everyday, people, and the world.

We can do this by validating their ‘is’ without needing them to be different for a while in the moment, and also speaking to the other parts of them when we can.

‘Yes maths is hard, and I know you can do hard things. How can I help?’

‘I can see how anxious you feel. That’s so okay. I also know you have brave in you.’

‘I love your ‘big’ and the way you make us laugh. You light up the room.’ And then at other times: ‘It can be hard being in a room with new people can’t it. It’s okay to be quiet. I could see you taking it all in.’

‘It’s okay to want space from people. Sometimes you just want your things and yourself for yourself, hey. I feel like that sometimes too. I love the way you know when you need this.’ And then at other times, ‘You looked like you loved being with your friends today. I loved watching you share.’
The are everything, but not all at once. Our job is to help them live flexibly and more deliberately between the full range of who they are and who they can be: anxious/brave; kind/self-ish; focussed inward/outward; angry/calm. This will take time, and there is no hurry. ❤

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