Emily H. Sanders, LMFT

Emily H. Sanders, LMFT Psychotherapy for Individuals and Couples. Specialty areas include: Anxiety, Relationship Issues, Teen Therapy, and Leadership Health.

Fill out a contact form on my website to work with me. (CA residents only)
www.emilyhsanders.com Teen Therapy; Parent Coaching

The goal is NOT to “not want a relationship.” It’s to embrace where you’re at now, to be comfortable with solitude, and ...
01/13/2026

The goal is NOT to “not want a relationship.” It’s to embrace where you’re at now, to be comfortable with solitude, and to speak kindly and calmly to yourself while you wait.

•Your singleness is not something you need to be rescued from.

• Life doesn’t fall into place when you’re in a relationship.

• Your personal work may be to challenge your fantasies of what you think a relationship is going to do for you, so you can eventually enjoy what it *does* bring you.

Setting healthy expectations for a healthy relationship. Finding a partner who is a willing and active participant in th...
01/12/2026

Setting healthy expectations for a healthy relationship. Finding a partner who is a willing and active participant in the relationship is a must. And remember- what you are looking to receive you are also responsible to give!

What else can we add to this list?

Hearing “I love you” feels confusing when you aren’t being treated in a loving way. For those who have been in an abusiv...
01/11/2026

Hearing “I love you” feels confusing when you aren’t being treated in a loving way.

For those who have been in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, what did you learn “I love you” actually meant?

It takes intentionality to create fulfilling, loving relationships (and not just the romantic ones!) It will be impossib...
01/10/2026

It takes intentionality to create fulfilling, loving relationships (and not just the romantic ones!) It will be impossible to create these relationships if we abandon ourselves.

Clarity is so attractive. When things are unclear, we may tend to read too much into bread crumbs….especially if we have...
01/09/2026

Clarity is so attractive.

When things are unclear, we may tend to read too much into bread crumbs….especially if we have a hard time with confrontation and being assertive. It may feel safer for you to look for hints, rather than saying, “hey, I really like you. How are you feeling about us?” Or “I don’t want to see anyone else right now; I’m enjoying getting to know you. I wanted to check in to see what you’re feeling so far.”

Rather than collect little clues, look for words and actions to align.

Admittedly, taking things slow when dating someone new is challenging for many people…(Meanwhile, others struggle to mak...
01/08/2026

Admittedly, taking things slow when dating someone new is challenging for many people…(Meanwhile, others struggle to make any kind of relational commitment, but this isn’t a post for them!)

Getting attached too quickly can be very detrimental, as 1) there isn’t space to discern red flags and 2) there isn’t space to be mindful regarding to what extent the relationship is healthy, functional, and satisfying.

While slowing down can be tough, here are a few practical ways that you can stop your foot from being able to reach the gas pedal as easily.

What other things would you suggest to help take things slowly at the start?

We don’t want to put “love” and “games” in the same sentence- dating is already challenging enough when you’re taking it...
01/07/2026

We don’t want to put “love” and “games” in the same sentence- dating is already challenging enough when you’re taking it seriously. On top of that, trying to convince people to show up for you will make you doubt whether you have the right to have your basic needs met.

Focus on:
• Being consistent with your words and actions so you can find someone who does the same.
• Focus on your boundaries and values so you can recognize people who may be a good fit for you, and can clearly see those who aren’t a good fit.
• Stay open, curious, and kind.
• Be assertive with your communication and requests.
• Be mindful about being both vulnerable *and* protecting yourself emotionally.

What bad dating advice have you received that lead you to work to hard or make yourself small while dating?

It’s important to use discretion when dating- particularly when you are dating with the intention of finding a partner. ...
01/07/2026

It’s important to use discretion when dating- particularly when you are dating with the intention of finding a partner. Protecting your investment of time, money, energy, and emotions is crucial; aim to date with intention.

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📕 reccs:
• “Dating without Fear” by Thomas Smithyman (for those with social anxiety)
• “Wired for Dating” by Stan Tatkin (attachment styles)
• “Open Deeply” by Kate Loree (non-monogamous dating)
• “101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged” by Jeffery Chapman

Our relationships deeply impact our lives, and are one of THE biggest factors in our overall wellbeing; choosing a partn...
01/06/2026

Our relationships deeply impact our lives, and are one of THE biggest factors in our overall wellbeing; choosing a partner is a major decision, and it’s important to choose intentionally.

It’s easy to flippantly say, “no one is perfect.” This is true, but often we don’t think about the weight of what that means- and often say it to dismiss unhealthy behavior.

Everyone has experiences, strengths, needs, and insecurities that shapes who they are. When we love someone, we say yes to all these parts of that individual.

Be a student of how the person: handles conflict, shows that they’re aware of how their past currently impacts them, what they put care and attention to, and how they handle stress.

Knowing you *also* have areas to grow and heal, do you see yourself having the space to grow and heal in the relationship?

——

The beginning of a relationship is fun and exciting- everyone is motivated to connect and put their best foot forward. Y...
01/05/2026

The beginning of a relationship is fun and exciting- everyone is motivated to connect and put their best foot forward. You can ask important questions and share relationship ideals, and you make the best dating decisions with the information you have.

As time goes on, and the vulnerability of relationship increases, more reality unfolds and you’re able to gather more information about the person.

It’s important to add the new information you’re getting about the person so you can have a more balanced perspective when choosing your partner.

For example- someone may say how important communication is to them, yet when they are upset they avoid talking about what is upsetting them. Does this make them a bad person? No, of course not. BUT it is important to factor that data into how you view and experience the relationship. Is this something you can tolerate? Does this trigger unhealthy coping skills for you?

Enjoy the beginning of your new relationship, but continue to be a student of your relationship as it progresses.

In the beginning days of the relationship, the infatuation with your partner is at an all-time high; the love-bubble is ...
01/04/2026

In the beginning days of the relationship, the infatuation with your partner is at an all-time high; the love-bubble is sweet and they’re always on your mind! You might even want to shout it from the rooftops that you’re in love with the most amazing human ever!

As time goes on, you may still appreciate your partner and are happy they’re yours, but the joy of having chosen each other starts to wane. You may even start to take your partner for granted. No shame, it happens easily even in healthy relationships- hence the reason we have to stay an active participant in tending to our love.

Here is your gentle nudge to show your partner that you are choosing them, that they matter to you. A little effort goes a long way. Take some time to reflect on what you admire about your partner, what you’re thankful for, and how they add to your life.

What makes YOU feel chosen?

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Emotional safety is ESSENTIAL for a thriving relationship. Building emotional safety is something that takes time and ex...
01/03/2026

Emotional safety is ESSENTIAL for a thriving relationship.

Building emotional safety is something that takes time and experiences with the person. At the beginning of the relationship our tolerance is high, and the love bubble motivates us to show up easily. As time goes on and infatuation dips, we get more opportunity to show and practice loving as we face tension points and conflict.

When we don’t feel emotionally safe, it’s hard for our best selves to show up. We may feel more inclined to attack, shut down, or cling as our nervous system revs up. Unfortunately, these behaviors that are unconsciously meant to help us feel *safer* often end up putting heavy strain on the relationship.

Our romantic relationships are very vulnerable, and it’s not uncommon to bump up against pieces of ourselves that still need to be healed. Our partners often hit nerves and wounds that our families have contributed to.
If you find that it’s hard for you to feel emotionally safe despite having a consistent and supportive partner, that is something to let yourself feel curious about. If your partner is provoking heavy feelings that are familiar to you, that is also something to be curious about.

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Newport Beach, CA
92660

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Wednesday 2pm - 8pm
Thursday 10am - 2pm
Friday 9am - 7pm

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