Dr. Ben Culhane

03/22/2024

I hope this message finds you in good spirits. Recently, I stumbled upon a fascinating podcast that delves into one of the intricate dances of relationships, specifically focusing on the challenges couples often face in maintaining intimacy over time. I thought it would be wonderful to share some of the key insights from this conversation and offer my own perspective as a couple’s therapist. Feel free to read more about it here: https://drbenculhane.com/exploring-intimacy-a-therapists-perspective/

This project got me thinking about Intimacy in general and the different aspects of intimacy. So I decided to do a 5-piece exploration into the different types of intimacy that couples can strengthen. Stay tuned for this 5 part series!

12/15/2023

Dr. Ben Culhane Talks About Navigating Financial Issues In Your Relationship -

Helping others live the life they want and feel better is one of my passions. Guiding men and women on the path to becoming the person they have always hoped to be is why I am here.

10/05/2021

True intimacy in a relationship is, yes, about physical compatibility and attraction…but equally important is the necessary emotional connection to make it all work. When ANY level of intimacy is off track, it can make relationships very difficult to navigate and rock commitment to its core.

True intimacy in a relationship is about physical compatibility and attraction…but equally important is the necessary emotional connection to make it all work. Learn how to boost your relationship intimacy.

08/25/2021

Having difficult conversations takes courage and courage implies fear otherwise, we would call it something else. Instead of giving the silent treatment or complaining or yelling, get clear about what you want/need, then, when inviting or responding to the other person…be willing to ask for it!

No matter what personality characteristic you are dealing with and regardless of who it may be with, stay aware that your goal in having difficult conversations is to reduce conflict and get your constructive message across.

05/24/2021

We can often be misunderstood in relationship. We can feel like we are being put in the hot seat or our actions are being questioned.

If your intentions are pure and kindly, there is no need for explanation.

05/21/2021

You're relationship is not the jungle. it's not a place either of you have to prove yourselves to one another. it's not the place where you need to be right or the best or the strongest or the most perfect. It's not the place that you have to fight for being important to each other.
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You're relationship is the container within which you grow, nourish one another and become the human beings you were meant to be.
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Nurture one another!

05/19/2021

It can be so common for an argument to go awry. When we feel upset and angry and hurt and alone and disconnected, it can be overwhelming. We can search for anything to find an anchor in the storm--even if that is blaming or criticizing or calling or judging our lover for everything they have ever done that activates us in the moment. The flood of emotion and memories can put us into altered consciousness and doesn't truly and consciously say what we mean.

If this can happen to you or your partner, one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your relationship is to work on whatever origin those triggers come from.

If your lover criticizes you like your mother used you, If your partner doesn't understand you just like your father didn't, there is work for both of you--not just your partner learning to communicate better.

We all bring relational baggage from the past to our present relationships. If you or your partner, or both, need help with how your present moment can get derailed because the past shows in the moment, give me a call. 949.903.5753

05/17/2021

Create a deep and intimate connection with your vulnerability. For if you can't be honest within yourself about how you truly feel, you can't be honest with another.

05/14/2021

Have you found your purpose? How do you find meaning in your life in a way that sustains you day after day?

Your purpose in life is not what your friends or family have told you to do. It does not come from something outside of yourself. It is not chasing money to be successful, that is fear of failure. Nothing wrong with enjoying financial success, but it is not your purpose, rather potentially a means to your purpose.

Where what you see in the world breaks your heart, YOURS, that is your purpose. What will you do about it?

05/12/2021

If you want to be in integrity, it requires radical honesty with yourself.

If you say "yes" and want to say "no," you are out of integrity with yourself. If you find yourself at a party or place or engaging people you don't care for, you are out of integrity with yourself.

When you start living authentically and being true to yourself, your life will change. Others may fade from your life. Others may appear. What is true, though, is that things will change.

Embrace yourself and embrace the change.

05/10/2021

What are you afraid of losing?

Your freedom? Your independence? Your sense that you're "right." Your image and how another perceives you?

When we get into an argument with our partner and become defensive. First, notice that you have become activated, find that energy in your body (even if it's in your head). Then slow down and listen to it. What is it afraid will happen if you don't verbally defend yourself. Once you get clear on that, practice letting go of the fear. It's all in your mind anyway.

There is an art to being misunderstood, to allowing others their own perception of you even if you see yourself differently.

05/03/2021

Do you respond or react?
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We all, myself included, have knee-jerk reactions to things that our partner says. We may interpret it as a criticism of us or that we are being blamed for something. We might make some meaning from what is being said that is not how our partner has intended it.
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Learn to hold your reaction. Pause for a few beats and think about how you would like to respond instead. Maybe you want clarity and need to ask a question. Maybe you need to take a personal time out and ask for it because you don't want to say something that you wouldn't normally say if you weren't activated. Maybe you know how you would react and take enough space to share the response that furthers the conversation in a direction toward mutual understanding and repair. Your response makes a big difference in the SPACE between you and whether your partner will share his or her vulnerable and authentic truth with you or hide a part of him or herself because it isn't safe to be seen.