09/23/2025
Check out my husband's well-worn tool pouch. In early recovery, he discovered that to stay abstinent, you must do this...
A young man walked down the street, his eyes cast down, staring at the cement sidewalk in front of him. His mind raced furiously, running through various scenarios. In his distraction, he didn’t notice the colorful buildings he passed or the beautiful fluffy clouds above him. He missed the bright red and yellow tulips blooming in the flower boxes. He never noticed the old woman who smiled at him or the toddler up ahead, taking her first steps. Head low, he muttered obscenities under his breath, placing one foot in front of the other. His mind was consumed by frustration and anger fueled by his family's refusal to enable his destructive habits. The young man was used to getting what he wanted when he wanted. As he fumbled the phone from his front pocket and squinted down at the screen, he decided to try again. Jabbing a button, he held the phone to his ear. One long, jean-clad leg bounced up and down as he thrust the phone back into his pocket. Making a mental note to call yet again, he decided to up the ante. No wasn’t a word he understood. No, simply meant, he’d try harder.
Passersby noticed the distracted, angry young man and avoided him. The young man didn’t care. He was on a mission – a mission to find his next fix.
Imagine this young man wearing an invisible tool belt. Although he couldn’t see it, he feels its presence daily, and it weighs heavily on him. In his tool belt were all his dishonest thoughts, his self-centered wants/needs, and his past actions. The tool belt hung low on his hips. It was bursting at the seams, overflowing with misery. It carried self-pity, remorse, blame, justifications, minimizing, rationalizing, denial, grandiosity, entitlement, resentments, anxiety, and shame. With each new thought and action, the young man added more weight to his overflowing belt.
Because the young man can’t see this tool belt, it doesn’t occur to him to take it off. But even if he could see it, the tool belt has become a part of him. It dictates his thoughts, feelings, and actions. His emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual body has been hijacked by this invisible, but deadly, apparatus.
You might think this young man is doomed. And you’d be right, to a certain extent. Without help, this young man is most certainly doomed. He cannot get better on his own. For the most part, he doesn’t even know he’s sick.
His invisible tool belt has hijacked his ability to reason, his sense of logic, and even his sense of self-preservation. It is greater than his need for food or procreation. It is greater than love, or even that of life itself.
This tool belt is his addiction. It cannot be taken off, at least, not without something else to put in its place.
For this young man to recover, his go-to tools must be changed. It’s a little like helping a blind man, see. Restoring vision doesn’t happen all at once, but rather, little by slow.
First, this young man needs to be in a safe place. Somewhere where he’s not able to impulsively pick up a phone or get drugs, or manipulate other people into getting them for him.
He will need detox and should be medically supervised throughout. This will be the quickest part of the process. The next challenge will be repairing his cognitive and emotional body. He’ll need to learn to identify dishonest thoughts and replace them with honest ones. As his mind clears and the impact of his behaviour is felt, he will need emotional support. Grief is healthy. Self-pity is not.
Each tool he carries within his tool belt will need to be taken out and carefully examined. The hammer of inappropriate anger will be replaced with a level of healthy fear. The dull saw of hopelessness and despair will be minimized by a measure of hope and excitement.
Although his tool belt will still be invisible, he will know it’s there. When it begins to get heavy again, he’s equipped to empty it. By sharing his thoughts, feelings, and actions with other recovering addicts and by making commitments to change the things he can, his tool belt and the new tools in it will become his biggest assets.
His repurposed toolbelt will carry hope, faith, love, patience, gratitude, honesty, respect, integrity, morals, and values. The tool belt is balanced. It is with him at all times. Without these hard-earned recovery tools, he can easily slip back into his old ways.
There is something incredibly magical about these new tools of his, too. The more he uses them, the happier and healthier he becomes. These tools continue to bring blessings such as joy, peace, contentment, and healthy relationships.
But it doesn’t stop there. The new tools cultivate a shift in his consciousness and a profound appreciation for that which he has previously unrealised.
For all those who use these tools, a personal transformation and a profound shift in consciousness—a spiritual awakening—will be experienced.
Lorelie Rozzano
www.jaggedlittleedges.com
