http://www.insightpeersupport.wordpress.com/

Insight, 105 E 6th Street, Newton, KS (2025)

12/28/2024

MY NEEDS MATTER
Growing up, I was conditioned via criticism, shaming, and punishment to believe it was selfish to have wants, preferences, and even needs. I learned to put others first, ignore my own well-being, and feel guilty for even having unmet needs. I also naturally became quite resentful of those who happily availed themselves of my selfless services while evidently having no such sense of the need to serve and please.

It has taken a long damn time to figure out why this is the recipe for a giant batch of simmering resentment, one of the most corrosive substances I know, eating away at me from the inside, souring pleasure, poisoning relationships.

For many years of adulthood, I assumed the antidote was for other people to take more responsibility. That turned out to be a false assumption. To shift the dynamic, I had to break my inner rules for survival and work on being less of a people-pleaser.

My one small thing is really pretty darn big today. As my own boss, I gave myself two full weeks off at the end of the year. Today I head out to the little farmhouse in the country for a 9-day year-end/birthday retreat to review, reflect, renew, and reset myself for the year ahead. For the first five days I will have absolutely no one else to consider but myself, a precious opportunity to honor my own preferences and rhythms.

See you when I get back!

12/27/2024

CELEBRATING MILESTONES
My one small thing is to follow through on a commitment to myself to get my 2024 Insight accounting done before the end of the year!

Tomorrow I begin a solitary year-end retreat-reboot-rejuvenation time, and I wanted to step out of the world with a light heart and easy mind, having cared for the details and closed the door between the calendar years.

In the midst of the small thing, I realized a big thing. Although my official launch date anniversary is not until March, my financial analysis captures 10 years worth of very heartwarming data.

Wow! When I started my pay-what-you-make peer support practice on a wing and a prayer—foolhardily flying by the seat of my pants—I could not have imagined myself this far into the future, averaging 700 hours of compassionate listening per year for a decade.

I am very pleased and proud of myself!

Image by Jillian Amatt

12/26/2024

WELCOMING A LITTLE VISITOR
I woke up sad on Christmas morning for no discernible reason and was rather blue and out of sorts all day.

It was uncomfortable. I wanted to hurry up and fix it…repair myself…snap out of it, but I knew better.

My one small thing was to see this heart-heaviness as an opportunity instead of a burden.

As I endeavored to hold space for my feelings, I had to admit they were very familiar. Yes, it seems I’m in charge of a disconsolate inner toddler again this year.

I realize she has likely been present for every Christmas since 1962, but I pushed her away.

Now that I am committed to caring for her more consciously, I can see exactly why I have avoided her.

It is so important I welcome her without hesitation, attune to her, and help her regulate and soothe her Big Feelings.

12/25/2024

FOR MY OWN AMAZEMENT
My well-being tracking device suggested my good sleep and excellent recovery had primed me for some exertion. It suggested a 10-minute run.

Now, friends, I have to tell you, running is not in my repertoire or my comfort zone. I have never been a runner. I do, however, love a good challenge and am willing to try.

My one small thing—at least from a timewise perspective—was simply to say “yes” to seizing a moment, while Christmas beets were roasting in the oven, to attempt a trail run in the nearby woods in my new purple barefoot shoes.

I was very pleased to be able to stay in motion for the full 10 minutes, during half of which my heart rate was over 161 bpm, the anaerobic training zone, which is key to boosting performance and health, and is far above my usual activity level.

I do this for my own amazement. I choose not to compare myself with people my age who run regularly or who perhaps even run marathons. What stands out is the way the leafy ground felt under my feet, how the sunlight and shadows flashed and danced as my body moved through the woods, and the pleasure I felt at extending my reach and surprising myself with joy.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE!

12/24/2024

ONE STEP AT A TIME
In 2018 I had a wake-up call about how sedentary I’d become after transitioning in my early 50s from an active life with lots of time outdoors in a spacious rural landscape to an indoor desk job and a tiny apartment in town, surrounded by asphalt and concrete.

The shift took a toll on both body and soul, and I began to feel ever more heavy, slow, listless and lackluster, spending hours a day sitting.

Since then, I have gradually and intentionally shifted my patterns, one little step at a time, and as I did, my body noticeably responded with its own form of appreciation—a growing sense of well-being.

My one small thing is a walk of less than two miles, not an especially long amble by my newer standards, but significant by comparison with not so long ago, when a walk around the block was a big accomplishment.

On a hunch, I happened to check my cumulative stats when I got home. I have walked 1,515 miles so far this year—one step at a time.

12/23/2024

TAKING TIME
I am grateful to understand more deeply as an adult that my default instinct to reply quickly, respond reassuringly, and repair as soon as possible during conflict or misunderstanding is a product of my childhood survival response.

When a human’s fight-flight or freeze responses get activated, but they can’t fight or flee, and they can get into even more trouble for being unresponsive or inactive, they tend to fawn. I was a natural at this because it utilized my innate tendencies toward empathy, pleasantness and maintaining connectivity. Whenever there was a rupture, I hurried to effect repairs, even though I had a caregiver I can never remember making an effort to reconnect with me or apologize after a blowup. Perhaps this intensified my tendencies, because I felt such a responsibility and necessity to fix the breach.

This response is deeply conditioned into me, and I am still slow to be aware of how unconsciously and quickly I abandon myself and my own feelings when I perceive a relational rupture. Without even realizing it, I scurry to make the other person feel better before I’ve even registered and attended to my own feelings.

My one small thing is to practice slowing this whole process down, offering myself the gift of more time to feel and process my response to difficult interactions and situations, allowing myself space and grace for self-compassion before I attempt to offer compassion to others.

__________
I found this image by searching for “self-compassion art,” but could not find the artist’s name.

12/22/2024

STAYING PUT
This weekend I slightly shifted my usual rhythms and routines and elected to stay put in solitude for a bit instead of quickly heading toward the comforts of companionship.

This choice evoked surprising discomfort in moments, coinciding with some sadness and confusion that made me wonder at my wisdom in choosing to be alone at this particular point in the holiday season. I noticed once again what a creature of habit I can tend to be, and ultimately, how shaking up my routines a little is excellent for raising self-awareness.

My one small thing was to sit self-compassionately with my own discomfort, to welcome the feelings arising to be noticed and embraced, and to trust my own capacity to companion myself with sensitivity and grace.

12/21/2024

WALKING DOWN THE DAY
At the end of my last work week of 2024, my heart felt tender and a little on the heavy side. Sometimes sitting in my small apartment can make burdens feel big.

My one small thing was to invite myself to bundle up cozily and take a sunset stroll, walking down the day. Something about getting out into the chilly air, with the scent of wood smoke and dry leaves, the colors of Christmas lights, the peacefulness of the ducks and geese on the creek, helped give me perspective and ease my heart.

12/20/2024

PAUSE TO CELEBRATE
I realized when I finished my weightlifting workout at the Fitness Center, it was probably my last visit there for 2024, due to my holiday plans.

My one small thing was to deliberately pause to celebrate my commitment and accomplishments, stopping for a photo to take advantage of the “NEW” in Newton, and making time when I got home to look at my cumulative gym visits, a total of 68, which included 43 hours of weightlifting.

While that may not be quite as much as my original aspiration of twice-weekly gym visits, it was a thousand percent more than before I joined the Fitness Center on my 65th birthday in January! I also celebrate and delight in the variety this has brought to the ways in which I’ve found to move and strengthen my body!

12/19/2024

BOTH SIDES NOW
For a number of years, I have been doing Insight video visits from my very small apartment, allocating part of my living room for a chair and music stand which serve the dual function of music practice area and video chat space. Since I live and work in the same building, I see no sense in paying for Internet in both spaces, so this is an economy.

I do a lot of little things like that to make it possible to live frugally while engaged in soulful work that enriches me immensely, and I sometimes notice places where I could make my life a little easier and more pleasurable without undue expense. Such was the case this week when I realized I could improve the aesthetic appeal of the view at which I am looking while my peers look at me and my bookshelf.

This is my one small thing, the pleasure I took in decorating my music stand with a gorgeous new tie-dyed bandanna and meaningful objects that help me hold sacred space, and the joy I will continue to derive from caring about my side of the experience.

12/18/2024

THE GIFT OF VULNERABILITY
A month or so ago, I had a less than optimal interaction with a young neighbor who was doing some work on the vacant apartment across the hall from me. It had been on my mind and heart to follow up with him a bit later to talk about what had unfolded and to make some constructive clarifications about my hopes for our future interactions, but our paths didn’t cross. I suspect he may have been avoiding me.

My one small thing for today is the vulnerability I allowed to show when we finally did talk. He led with an apology and I told him I’d been wanting to talk to him, to make sure we had a neighborly understanding.

“I have a trauma history,” I found myself sharing, “and I wouldn’t be surprised if you did too. I understand we humans who’ve been harmed can sometimes be sensitive and reactive.” By then I had tears in my eyes and I don’t even know exactly what I said next, but I do know it was from my heart.

“Yes,” he agreed. And then his next words—also from his heart—surprised me. “Much love to you.”

And I instinctively folded my hands in front of my heart and offered him a little bow before going on my way.

Insight

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