06/02/2025
Eating Disorders and the Illusion of Control
If you've ever struggled with an eating disorder, you know how tightly it can grip every part of your life. It’s not just about food or weight. It's about managing emotions, trying to make the world feel predictable, and gripping onto any sense of control (especially when everything else feels overwhelming or out of reach).
Control becomes a coping strategy. A way to feel safe. But over time, that strategy becomes impossible. You might look in control on the outside, but inside, you're disconnected from your body, from your needs, and from your capacity for pleasure and play.
That’s exactly where I was when I started working with clay. And ironically, what I found in pottery was the exact opposite of control.
Clay Doesn’t Lie
Clay is honest. You can’t fake your way through sculpting or a wheel-throwing session. You can’t convince a ball of earth to comply with your perfectionism. Try to force it? It collapses, cracks or crumbles. Center it while your mind is elsewhere? It wobbles and spirals out. At first, I found this frustrating (it took me TWO years to get on the wheel after I didn't "master" it on the first intro class). I wanted results. I wanted mastery. I wanted to make “good” pots. But clay had other plans.
Over time, I began to notice something: The more I tried to dominate the clay, the less satisfying it felt. But the more I tuned into my breath, softened my grip, and let myself respond to the clay in real time, the more everything clicked. It wasn’t about controlling the outcome. It was about being in relationship with the material, with my body, and with the present moment.
I still remember the day I was making my nephew a panther for his birthday. I sat in the studio and just couldn’t get it to do what I "wanted." A wise pottery friend told me to stop working on it and go home. She said to come back when I was less frustrated. I did, and it ended up being one of the coolest sculptures I’ve made. But more than that, it was a lesson in listening to myself, listening to my body, taking a break, and coming back more regulated.
Sound familiar? That’s healing work in a nutshell.
From Perfectionism to Presence
What makes pottery so deeply therapeutic (especially for those healing from disordered eating or body shame) is that it invites imperfection. You don’t have to be “good” to belong in a studio. You just have to show up, get your hands dirty, and stay curious.
As I moved through my own journey, I realized how powerful it was to be in a space where my imperfections weren’t being judged or fixed. I started to show up not just for the pottery, but for my community of potters. I was allowed to show up and simply be creative, skillful, joyful. I not only learned from my teacher but my community. That shift helped me rediscover something I’d lost: the ability to experience my body as a source of connection, not conflict.
And even more surprisingly, pottery awakened a sense of play I didn’t realize I had buried under all that seriousness. I wasn’t just healing. I was having fun.
Letting a Hobby Be Just Yours
We live in a culture that constantly pushes us to turn everything into a hustle. If you’re good at something, you should monetize it. Share it. Sell it. Turn it into content.
But my relationship with pottery has been fiercely personal. It’s mine. It doesn’t have to perform for anyone. It’s one of the few spaces in my life where I don’t feel the need to produce or be perfect. I just get to be. And that, in itself, is radical.
If you’re in recovery or doing any kind of body image work, you know how hard it can be to find joy that doesn’t come with strings attached. Pottery gave me that. And it gave me the idea for something I’d been dreaming about for a long time.
I’ve had this conversation with my clients so many times when I ask them: Who are you? What brings you joy? What do you do for fun? As you know, eating disorders and body shame take all of that away. As my clients experiment with these questions, it got me thinking. How can I support a community that’s also learning what brings them joy?
Introducing: Body of Clay – A Class for Body Image and Healing Through Pottery
www.beyondnewtown.com/bodyofclay
