co-facilitator... Laura Silver, BSN, RN, CDP....
Laura grew up in a toxic household with many of her family members having narcissistic qualities. She suffered depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts for many years. Years of therapy and support groups left her little hope that her life could be any better. Laura began searching the internet and discovered that hidden in the toxicity of her fa
mily was the stress and trauma of domestic violence. This resulted in what is now known as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Laura went to work with the Elizabeth Freeman Center and in two years with her therapist there, Laura made great strides. She realizes there is still much to learn and many people who need help. She now is “turning around” to offer a “hand up” for others who struggle with recovering from and thriving despite their history of toxic abuse. Laura has partnered with her friend of twenty years, Bonnie, to bring Bonnie’s dream of the Healing from Toxic Parenting Support Group to life. Laura graduated from the University of Southern Maine with a BS in nursing and has specialized in mental health nursing in various settings since 1980. She has seen first hand what people are capable of doing to each other and how "modern medicine" and traditional therapies are unable to adequately help. Combining recent trauma treatment principles with traditional Native American old ways, Laura offers a unique perspective of compassion and nurturing to promote deep and lasting change in all who work with her. About co-facilitator, Bonnie...
As a person who has survived the trauma of being raised in a home where multiple forms of abuse was simply a part of my life I began my journey to healing in my early 30's. At that time I had spent years struggling with depression and suicidal thinking and I had a husband and 2 young children at home who I wanted to protect from passing on the pain I was enduring to them. I found help through Northern Berkshire Mental Health (now the Brien Center) and through the Rape Crisis Center in Pittsfield. Both therapists helped me join groups they were facilitating as well as individual therapy with each. I also began to search out self-help groups such as ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) as well as other, similar groups. I went nearly nightly for over 12 years, but I found that although they helped with some of my issues I was not addressing much of what I was struggling with such as the verbal abuse by the non-alcoholic parent, the physical and emotional abuse, and the horrible feelings of betrayal I had toward that parent who had been struggling with their own mental health issues, passing those behaviors down to me... behaviors I knew I didn't want to enact with my own children. I KNEW I wanted to create a place where I and others like me, or who maybe didn't have the alcoholism component to their growing up, could find help. I did some preliminary work on creating a group, based on the 12 step programs I had worked with but with a slightly different focus. But the more I worked on it, the more I realized that with 2 young children and a husband and home to manage I simply didn't have the time to devote to such a big and challenging project so I eventually put it to the back of my mind hoping one day I could make it happen. In those early times I had come up with the name... HE (Healing) from TO (toxic) PA (parenting). I dreamed of a group of peers who could talk about the stuff that is taboo in most of our culture in a safe place where others who had also been through it could offer support, acceptance, and suggestions for things they had found to be helpful... a place to heal without being judged for speaking out against their parents. I also recognized that some people are raised by people who are not their parents but take those roles. It's not about hating them, because they are often victims of the same behaviors themselves. And we also need to recognize that people are a mix of good and not so good. I just wanted to break the cycle. And yes, we will speak of what they have done to us, but that doesn't mean you can't still recognize the good things they have done and that we can still perhaps want a healthy relationship with them even as adults. Several years later, I met Laura... We have known each other for 20 years and I had shared my dream with her. A while ago she asked if I was still hoping to make this happen. My answer was YES! And now that my children are grown and I am retired it seems possible now, especially with Laura's education and expertise added to the resources we can all be guided by! I have certainly been blessed by my access to her support and expertise over the years! It is my hope to help as many of us (and sadly there are so many) who are struggling to survive, heal, raise children (and many of us are raising grandchildren now) and thrive as adults in this world. I hope if you are struggling you will find peace and happiness in the days ahead and perhaps share your well earned success with others along the way, perhaps by joining us as we begin this journey...
