Between Heartbeats LLC

06/04/2025

🚨 Hot take: Therapy might be keeping you stuck.
Yes, even the “good” kind.

Before you panic — I love therapy. I’m a therapist. I’ve devoted my life to this work. But over the years, I’ve seen the subtle ways therapy can become a comfort zone… instead of a launch pad.

👉 If you’re feeling like you’re not really moving forward...
👉 If you keep showing up, but things aren't shifting...
👉 If it’s starting to feel more like emotional venting than deep healing...

It might be time to look at what your therapy is missing.

I just wrote a blog on 5 ways therapy might be keeping you stuck — and what to do about it. It’s not a takedown. It’s a wake-up call. One that might just give you the push you’ve been needing.

✨ You deserve healing that actually moves you forward.

📖 Read the full post here → www.betweenheartbeats.net/blog/5-ways-therapy-might-be-keeping-you-stuck-yes-even-the-good-kind

🔁 Save + share if you know someone who needs this.

If I had a dime for every time someone said, “Oh, you're a psychotherapist? So you just talk to people all day. I can do that!” …well, let’s just say I’d be writing this from a villa in Tuscany. But in all seriousness, therapy is not just “talk.” And if your sessions have started to fe...

03/11/2025

🌿 “Maybe I was never meant to fit in.”

If you’ve ever felt like the outcast—the one who’s always a step behind, always on the outside looking in—you know how isolating it can be. Like no one fights for you. Like you could disappear and no one would even notice.

But what if the reason you don’t fit into the mold… is because you were never meant to?

What if your struggle to belong isn’t proof that you’re broken—but proof that you were meant for something bigger?

You are not a mistake. You are not lost. You are not alone.

Read more:

www.betweenheartbeats.net/blog/ldnzpridp9em83widuddarxvuyhyuo

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03/11/2025

💭 “Why does everything feel like a struggle? Why do I always feel like I’m pushing a boulder uphill while everyone else seems to move effortlessly through life?”

If you’ve ever felt like you’re barely scraping by—like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough—you are not alone. The exhaustion, the overwhelm, the quiet ache of wondering if you even matter… it’s real. And it’s heavy.

But here’s the truth: You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not a mistake.

You don’t have to fight to be worthy. You already are.

If you need this reminder today, read the full blog post here: www.betweenheartbeats.net/blog/the-weight-of-existenceand-the-strength-to-keep-going

When Life Feels Like an Uphill Battle Some days, it feels like life is too much. Like you’re always fighting an uphill battle, struggling just to keep pace while the world moves on without you. No matter how much you accomplish, it feels like you're just scraping by—never truly arriving, never t...

12/17/2024

Discipline is powerful, but it’s not the whole story. Pushing through without addressing resistance leads to burnout. Discipline keeps you moving, but understanding your roadblocks keeps you thriving.

Link to new blog post expanding on this concept in comments.

06/21/2023

08/26/2022

Is crying a sign of feeling safe?

I know many of you have experienced this phenomenon of trying to hold back tears, or other expression of emotion, and someone comes up to you to show you concern, compassion, care, or kindness and the dam just breaks inside you and the emotions just flow right out?

I have definitely had this happen many times over my lifetime. I have even began to dread it and this became the reason I worked even harder at not crying in front of others because I know as soon as someone shows me kindness the crying dam will break and there will be no controlling it.

And today I realized that is totally NORMAL!!

Today some puzzle piece fell into place, as I was comforting my 4yo son who hurt himself, and I realized that the reason for this is that crying is a natural way for some body systems to release tension, fear, anger, etc. As much as society tries to convince us that crying is weakness it is simply a nervous system's way to regulate itself for some people.

And, for the nervous system to be able to regulate itself and release that flight or fight response, it needs to feel safe first.

What is the most obvious sign that you are safe? When someone comes up to you and offers you comfort or kindness or compassion! That becomes a cue to your nervous system that it can let go and do what it needs to get back to baseline!

So when kids cry and then cry harder because we are comforting them this is the reason why! This is why our emotional responses get harder to keep down when we are being comforted by others.

And the biggest takeaway is that this is why we should not try to control or repress these emotional "outbursts" (as long as they don't harm us or others like someone in a rage might be tempted to do) but to simply steer them to productive releases.

And when we let those emotions flow out they dissipate a lot faster than if we were to try to push them down and keep on keeping on in spite of this. Furthermore, it helps us to teach our nervous system that we are safe even while feeling heavy/unpleasant emotions ad that we will be ok.

We need the space and time to discharge that emotional charge when it comes up or we risk creating mental health issues.

So let's be gentle and respectful with our emotions. They do serve an important purpose.

08/01/2022

Are you watching yourself boil?

We've all heard the addage that a "watched pot never boils."

This also reminds me of an episode in Star Trek Next Generation in which Data (a sentient android fascinated with the human experience) is testing this very adage by watching a pot of water boil. And he, being an android with a chronometer programmed into his neural network, can't understand the relativity of time that is expressed in this phrase because in his experience his pot of water boils in exactly the same amount of time every single time he does his experiment.

But we as human being understand that this phrase is not meant literally. We know that it simply shows the human experience of time as relative to what it is we are doing with it. If we are doing something we are deeply involved in time flies, but when we are undergoing something uncomfortable time can feel like it is moving at a snails pace.

And there is another way to look at this experience. And that is when we are trying to reach a goal and we are focused on where we want to be and how much you still have left to accomplish towards this goal.

Think back to the last time you were working towards a goal. For me it was very simple when i was working on a crochet project for a stuffed teddy bear for my kids. I realized that I was essentially trying to watch the pot boil constantly evaluating my progress and calculating how much is left to do. And I realized that doing this made me dread and feel frustrated and overwhelmed with what I was doing and how slowly it seemed to go.

And so I shifted my focus to simply being present with every stitch I made and remembering that I enjoy crocheting not for the outcome but even in the process and the movement of creating each and every stitch.

When I did this, guess what happened? I started enjoying my work and built a nice rhythm. And before I knew it, I had made a lot of progress without feeling like it took any time or effort at all.

And I realized that I have the same choice in working towards all of my goals, whether it is personal healing, accomplishing projects or creating things. All those things are simplly built up of a bunch of "present moments" in which we choose to do something that moves us forward. And when we focus on those moments instead of the outcome, we can speed up time and before we know it we will have reached our outcome in a more effortless way and with less overwhelm.

Another example is fitness. If you want to be able to deadlift 200 pounds and every time you lift weights all you focus on is that you are not yet at 200 pounds and calculate how long it will be before you reach that goal you will be more likely to feel like you will never get there and it will be harder to keep yourself motivated. But if instead you enjoy adn celebrate every moment of effort you make and every little progress before you know it you will be where you want to be.

One more example is recovering from a trauma. We know we would like to just be "over it" and be "back to normal" or "enjoy life again." And comparing where you are to where you want to be all the time is discouraging. But when you mindfully choose to be present and accept where you are and take responsibility for choosing the things that will move you forward and celebrate the progress and the increasing moments of joy, and connection, and peace, and safety, etc before we know it what used to be the height of our experience is now the valley of our experience because our new height has adjusted up.

So don't just watch yourself boil. Don't focus on not being at the outcome yet. Enjoy every part of the process and focus on wha tis happening in the moment. even though the water seems still, on an atomic level the heat is doing things that are not always visible right away, but that does not mean nothing is happening. Set the goal, but then focus on the moments that make up your progress and enjoy the journey.

06/21/2022

We always think of self-sabotage as actions and things we do or create to undermine our efforts. We struggle to willpower through these, set routines, strive to change habits, etc.

But how many times do we stop to look at what beliefs and emotional patterns are underneath and continue to fuel these sabotaging behaviors?

Quick steps to dealing with self-sabotage:
1. Identify the pattern of self-sabotage - Do you start projects and never finish? Do you always start fights and then blame the other person? Do you procrastinate until the last possible minute?

2. Look deeper at the emotions that come up for you around the following: a. the process you are trying to engage in (I.E. what are your feelings about the project or relationship you are starting?) b. the components involved (is it the whole project that causes you resistance or a certain part of it; is there a person that is involved that your gut is warning you against) c. the outcome and implications of what you are undertaking (how do you feel about being in a committed relationship; how do you feel about the project being a success; how do you feel about the project being a failure)

3. Allow the emotions to lead you to beliefs that have formed about these areas.

4. Try to identify whether these beliefs are yours or did you "inherit" them from your society, culture, family, etc.

5. Do the inner work to change your beliefs and build new emotional patterns along with them.

This will go a long way in helping you create permanent change in your self-sabotage habits.

06/10/2022

POV:

Self-care is not just meeting your basic needs like eating. Sleeping, and maintaining good hygiene. Yes, those are good for you but ultimately will not be the things that prevent burnout and stress. They are yhe most basic of needs. If you are only meeting these you are only surviving not living.

Self-care is the things you make time for that:
1. soothe your nervous system and help you to swotch from flight or fight to calm and relaxed. It is only when you are calm and relaxed does your digestion, body's innate healing capacity, sexual function, social engagement, and rational thinking amd creativoty kick in.

2. Recharge your energy reserves mentally, emotiobally, physically, and spiritually. We are beigns with different layers to our existance and each layer has to be nourished in its own way.

3. Make your proverbial cup overflow. You can't give from an empty cup but it is when your cup is overflowing where you can do your best work in service of others without getting burned out.

06/07/2022

Today I was asked a very good question.

"What do you do when all you can think of is that some time down the road you will have a setback and it will throw you off and you will just completely revert back to the way things were before?"

Believe it or not this is a very common worry. You are doing all this work on self-growth and gaining the skills for self-management of your mind, your emotions, your nervous system, stress levels, health, etc. But what happens if one day you wake up and you just don't feel like doing all that anymore, or something happens and you just revert back to your old, unhealthy ways.

Here is what I say to this.

1. You need to understand that growth is not linear. It doesn't just continue forward in a straight line. It involves the ups and downs, the bumps and turns, the U-turns, and the underground tunnels. This is NORMAL, and expected. You wouldn't expect to continue building strength and endurance always running down the same flat road. You need those hills and bumps and uneven terrain to continue to build your skills, endurance, strength, agility, etc. Why would it be any different for your personal and inner journey?

2. You realize that a set-back or a regression is NOT a failure on your part. It does not mean that all the work you put in, all that you have learned, all that you gained thus far is lost, irrecoverable, or wasted. Nor does it mean that it was pointless or useless. Get curious about what happened to lead up to this situation. Were you overwhelmed, stressed out, at the end of your energy stores and coping mechanisms and a straw broke your back? Did something unexpected happen that you were unprepared for? Did too much happen at once and you did not have time to fully take it all in and use your skills? Is the path you were on actually no longer working for you and you need to evaluate your route to your destination? If you were hiking and found that a tree had been knocked over and is now making your path impassable would you give up on everything and just sit there crying? Maybe for a few minutes, but then you'd get up, dust yourself off, backtrack and find another path forward.

3. Be gentle with yourself around any emotional upheaval. It is all a part of life and our human experience. Judging yourself, beating yourself up, going down negative thinking patterns will only make things worse and close you off to seeing the possibilities and even gifts that this situation is offering you. The choice is yours whether you will grow or give up through this. A set-back does not have to become the end of your journey. Just a detour.

There is a symbol that I love that shows just this twisty-turny and backwardsyness of our journey. It is called a UNALOME and it reminds us that it is normal and expected to have starts, stops, turns, roundabouts, all kinds of weird detours on this journey we call life. And in everything we have a choice of how we will face it and what we do with it. See image below

In the words of Dr. WHO “We are all stories in the end, just make it a good one eh?”

06/02/2022

"For example, if you worry a lot, then
worrying can become so familiar to your body that when
you’re not worrying or anxious you feel uncomfortable. Once
worry or anxiety becomes the familiar reference pattern, the
brain keeps defaulting to anxious feelings and thoughts as
the path of least resis tance. This is how habits are formed.
The brain considers the familiar to be more com fortable, no
matter how irrational it may be. The brain automatically
strives to maintain a match with mental, emotional, and
physical anxiety responses and habits, despite their detrimental impact on health, well-being, or behavior. Without effective inter vention, anxiety can become self-perpetuating and
self-reinforcing" - Doc Childre and Deborah Rozman, Ph.D.; HeartMath Institut