02/26/2025
Today I gave a class on the topic of unwinding shame from a Polyvagal perspective…here is one of the many rich elements of the discussion:
“Sometimes you might notice a tendency to minimize your experience. You might call yourself too sensitive which dismisses your pain. When we look at developmental trauma from a polyvagal perspective, we must keep in mind that our mind might have one story about our experience, but our nervous system and our embodiment might have a very different experience.
Within polyvagal theory, our nervous system is constantly assessing our environment for cues that let us know if we are safe, mildly threatened, or in danger. This all happens without our conscious awareness. If you think about a child who is growing up without consistent sources of secure attachment, it doesn't take all that much for the nervous system to register a threat. A critical look on the face, a scrutinizing glance, a turning away in the body language can each feel like a subtle rejection and the accumulation of these experiences can lead to shame.
However, because these events are subtle and easy to miss, it is easy to dismiss them. We might say, “what's the big deal?” Or, “I should have been able to handle it.” We begin to be flooeded by self-critical narratives.
However, when we attune to the somatic experience and the nervous system, each of those subtle rejections is registered as a threat in the body. It's like these darts get tossed out and the darts are all hitting targets in the body within the heart, belly, or, the throat. As we heal, we must get away from the mental narrative and pay attention to body and nervous system. Then the real story starts to unfold.”
