04/15/2026
Shame. Anger. Guilt. Sadness. Tim threw these out for suggestions for feelings we might want to let go of, and let burn up in the fire ceremony that started men’s night. I couldn’t pick just one.
The first rule of men’s night, you don’t talk about men’s night. I will not share anyone’s personal story, or mention any names, but I will share my own story.
I don’t remember the last time I sat in silence. Probably the last funeral I attended, and even then there were likely dogs barking or babies crying. But true silence? And with another person? Oh it’s been a minute.
Last night we hosted our first men’s night. The crackle of the fire in the stove was the only sound for what felt like an eternity. There was a weird awkward feeling at first, lasted probably a minute, maybe two. Unease. I tried to sit with it, and felt resistance. By the end of the silence it felt, intimate. Connected.
When asked, I have said that I feel passionate about a men’s night because I think men are struggling right now. I cite statistics about the alarming male su***de rate and loneliness epidemic. These are true, but are a distraction from the reality. The truth is, I need men’s night, I want it to exist for me.
One of the best traits you can have as an ER Nurse is emotional detachment. We learn how to separate ourselves from the situation, the sadness and grief when someone is dying. I cannot count the number of people who have died while I was caring for them. But I do remember one. The one who got to me, the one who I got emotional over, and that threw me off my game. It didn’t happen again.
It has been almost two years since I wore my nurses badge, and yet my mind still operates in that way. Detached, cold, ambiguous at times.
Last night felt like a first step towards rehumanizing myself. I felt heard, supported, I felt camaraderie with strangers.
There were men throughout the age spectrum and from different walks of life. One thing was evident to me: we are all going through something, and we think we are alone in it. Yet, given the chance to share, we find others have gone through something similar. It gave me comfort just knowing that.
May 12th is the next one, I’ll be there