12/03/2025
How to Set Boundaries at Holiday Gatherings (LGBTQ+ Edition)
For LGBTQ+ folks — and for families with LGBTQ+ kids
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Holiday gatherings can be joyful — and also complicated.
If someone crosses a line with you or your LGBTQ+ child, you’re allowed to set a boundary.
You don’t have to tolerate harmful comments.
You don’t have to shrink yourself (or your child) to make others comfortable.
Here are a few phrases to help you protect your peace, honor your identity, and support your kid — without getting pulled into debates, disrespect, or discomfort.
🔴If someone says something about your child’s identity:
“That comment doesn’t respect who my child is. Please don’t say that again.”
“We don’t question our child’s identity in this family.”
“I’m not willing to debate my child’s humanity.”
“I’m going to stop you right there — this isn’t supportive or kind.”
“We’re choosing love and affirmation in our home. I need you to do the same or change the subject.”
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🔴If someone makes a ‘joke’ about pronouns or gender:
“We don’t joke about people’s identities.”
“That was disrespectful. Please don’t say things like that around me or my family.”
“I’m not laughing — can you explain why that was supposed to be funny?”
“Using the right pronouns is about respect. Let’s move on.”
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🔴If someone misgenders your child (or you) repeatedly:
“Let’s try that again with the correct pronouns.”
“I know you may be learning, but I need you to put in the effort.”
“Please use the name and pronouns my child shared with you. It matters.”
“If you can’t respect their pronouns, this conversation is over.”
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🔴If someone brings up religion to justify harm:
“My faith leads me to love, not exclusion.”
“We can talk about beliefs, but not if they undermine my child’s worth.”
“You’re entitled to your interpretation, but it doesn’t give you permission to harm my family.”
“We’re not discussing theology today. Let’s enjoy the meal.”
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🔴If they insist ‘it’s just a phase’:
“This isn’t a phase — it’s who they are.”
“We trust our child. We hope you’ll do the same.”
“Comments like that aren’t helpful or respectful.”
“We won’t minimize their identity.”
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🔴If you’re pressured to hide parts of yourself:
“I’m not going to make myself smaller to make anyone comfortable.”
“I’m not hiding my partner/identity to keep the peace.”
“If I can’t show up as myself, I’ll step away from this conversation.”
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🔴If the conversation turns political and targeted:
“My identity isn’t a political issue.”
“This isn’t a debate I’m willing to have.”
“We can change the subject, or I can take a break.”
“I’m not discussing policies that harm LGBTQ+ people.”
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🔴If someone asks invasive questions about transition, surgery, or your child’s body:
“That’s private.”
“You’re asking something inappropriate — please stop.”
“Their body is not up for discussion.”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
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🔴If someone critiques your parenting for affirming your LGBTQ+ child:
“Affirming my child saved their life. This isn’t up for debate.”
“We follow every major medical organization. We’re confident in our choices.”
“Supportive parenting isn’t optional — it’s lifesaving.”
“You don’t have to understand everything, but you do need to be respectful.”
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🔴If you need a graceful exit:
“I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
“I’m changing the subject — what have you been watching lately?”
“I’m not continuing this conversation. Let’s shift gears.”
“I came here to enjoy the holiday, not to be challenged about my family.”
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