So many people deal with this on a daily basis. And they do so in silence.
I have struggled so much for over 33 years that when I finally found relief and solutions I knew I had to break the silence and bring it out in the open. I am talking about depression and more recently, anxiety. (Yes I actually said the “D” word out loud!)
I am a wife, mother and a grandmother. I have a very loving family. Life is good! But depression is a reality in my life. At times it is absolutely debilitating! For decades it was never talked about in my home. It was hidden.
Society wouldn’t even acknowledge depression. It carries a stigma.
Such hurtful words. Smiling is usually a facade. I could be so happy on the outside and crying on the inside. It has only been the last few years that my husband has understood and truly sympathized when I am hit with it. But he wasn’t always that way.
I understand when people don’t want to deal with you, and even completely BACK AWAY from you.
When I was going through an extremely difficult time, a “good friend” completely backed off from me. She didn’t call to see if I was ok or anything. Finally I confronted her and she said, “You’re vibration is so low that I can’t be around you.” Ouch.
Anti depressants can be such a burden! I would be on one, and after a while, my body wouldn’t respond to it anymore.
Then I would be put on another one. It would stop working. Then another and another. One even made me suicidal! (Fortunately I never contemplate su***de.) The medicine cycle. Fortunately I found ways that worked so much better!
I have had my share of trials and challenges.
Financial ruin in 2008-2009… We lost our home, cars, 5th wheel trailer and big toys. We lost all of our savings and retirement. We lost our dignity. My husband and I almost walked away from each other. Thank goodness we didn’t! I went from working for fun to working 50+ hours a week to put food on the table. Suddenly I didn’t feel safe at all. I didn’t feel secure.
Trauma. I have had such deep trauma that it put my body into adrenal fatigue. I couldn’t hardly function. Getting out of bed was so exhausting!
Mentally and physically I couldn’t do anything.
For three years my body was in trauma. First it was one of my children and their choices and anger that put me into adrenal fatigue. Then the sudden death of my dear mother 10 months ago drove me down even deeper. Add depression and grief on top of Adrenal fatigue. It is a horrible situation for your body, mind and heart.
Some of my extended family became hostile and put me in such fear of them after my mom’s passing that I almost had to get a lawyer and a restraining order.
Anxiety was thrust on me from this situation.
I was afraid to leave my home.
I lived in fear for 9 months. I had panic attacks. I had never experienced these before! Oh how sad it makes me for those of you who deal with these!
When depression shows it’s ugly face, my comfort is to eat. Sweets. Not salads. Good food isn’t a comfort to me. Go figure! So on top of depression, financial ruin, adrenal fatigue, death of my mother, trauma, I am overweight. Yes I stood in that line in heaven saying -
“I will take on all of these trials PLUS be overweight!” What was I thinking?
I know how hard it is to NOT WANT TO exercise and eat right!
My purpose in sharing my story is to give hope. To help others not only find the light at the end of the tunnel, but to FIND the tunnel! Because I’m still on a journey of loving myself more, dealing with depression and anxiety, I have learned so many things and found so many wonderful tools that lift me out of the deep dark hole.
After long fought battles with myself, I have come to believe and know that I have to be proactive in my own self care. No one can do it for me. I have learned to take the first step. And the second and the 100th. It is ongoing. It doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen!!
Sometimes I fall back but I have learned how to go forward again and even gain momentum!!
My desire is to give women who have experienced any of these things the amazing tools to battle and beat every challenge and trial that comes in Your path !!!
