05/13/2026
A common theme keeps popping up in friendship advice: Don’t vent so much. But, Julie Beck wrote in January, “if people avoid sharing problems with one another, their relationships risk becoming less rich—and less rewarding.” https://theatln.tc/heh5B7xv
“Although people have surely been complaining since the dawn of language, and getting annoyed at one another about it for nearly as long, venting about how much other people are venting has lately gotten very loud,” Beck continues. It has weaved its way into books, advice columns, and TikToks—and is sometimes framed as “toxic” or “trauma dumping.”
Research has shown that venting doesn’t reduce anger but can actually fuel it—“which may be why some people go so far as to say that you should never vent at all, to anyone,” Beck writes. However, she continues: “Venting can make people feel better, even if it doesn’t make them less enraged, because it has a social purpose.”
“We vent to connect, feel validated, etc and maybe even more energized to deal with the conflict,” Jennifer Parlamis, a social psychologist at the University of San Francisco, told Beck in an email. “You feel better because you received social support but you are not less angry.”
Despite the social benefits of venting, people can easily overdo it. Some anti-venting partisans believe that people should replace venting to their friends with other practices such as journaling and therapy. And if you have to vent to a friend, they recommend asking permission or scheduling a time. But all of this formality, Beck writes, could come at a real cost to relationships. The friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson tells Beck that not venting could mean lost opportunities to signal trust, get advice from someone who loves you, and build intimacy.
“Taking it totally off the table,” Bayard tells Beck, “just feels kind of antithetical to friendship itself.”
🎨: Harald Giersing / Heritage Images / Getty
A theme keeps popping up in relationship advice: Don’t vent so much.
