03/08/2017
Women listening...and "crossing bridges and breaking down walls": India, America and elsewhere…
On this International Women’s Day, I am reflecting on last week’s training in conflict transformation with a group of women, when a participant from India, now living in the US, shared her perspective on arranged marriages vs. love marriages during a listening exercise with her American listening partner. They chose the topic to illustrate the importance and power of deep, reflective listening when we hold opposing views on a subject. Instead of strongly opposing what she had heard, the American woman found herself wanting to learn more, to understand better instead of resisting or judging. She explained later how liberating it was to experience an openness she did not expect to feel, how prepared she was to argue another view, but did not need to do that.
During the feedback session with the larger group, (with the input from another Indian woman friend) we saw layers of assumptions breaking down as the first Indian woman described how she herself came to embrace both practices, that, while she herself was in an arranged marriage, she would be open if her own daughter would desire to marry outside of her culture. The room became rather somber, as all these women began to reflect on the distances between and among us all; how assumptions and judgments prevent us from understanding one another, and how our preconceived notions about the other often lead to hurtful words and actions. The other, they came to realize, is never who they imagined them to be, because of limited knowledge and lack of mutual understanding.
These women demonstrated that by, already listening to one another, they can "break down walls and cross bridges". They will be in this eight-week leadership course together. I feel encouraged by that transformative moment, and hope they will build upon it.
To all women and men, may this International Women’s Day, as well as every other day be meaningful to us! Let us be courageous and walk towards one another. May we allow our differences in origin, race, culture and orientation to enrich us, not divide us!