4 Degrees

01/21/2019

01/07/2019

Changing lines 2 for 1 today!

01/02/2019

The Paradox of Attachment

Attachment is a psychological term that describes the intention of the mental health system. It speaks to assessing the nature of, and increasing the ability of parents and children to relate to one another, but that word is as misleading as it is over identified with. The development of a relationship is a choice that cannot be forced no matter how much one desires to fix something. The desire to fix, or be fixed, is a conundrum the helping community and those wanting help, employers and employees, the dating world, and those seeking to help themselves struggle with. It is a continuous cycle leading to burnout, or worse, where one reaches the proverbial rock and a hard place and eventually lets go, or detaches from. It is the lesson that spiritual teachers have been promoting since the beginning of time.

Call it semantics, but words and intentions matter. For example, the difference between inattention and indifference may well equate to the same frustration for teachers and parents, but observing the difference allows one to view it through the lens of anxiety vs autism spectrum or, better yet, instead of attaching to a diagnosis, observing that presence or more developmentally appropriate instruction may be in order instead of general conformity.

“What goes up, must come down”,“for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”, and “what you reap is what you sow” are different variations of Newton’s Laws of Motion. In behavioral terms for the individual and society, it is a warning to choose what you create in thought, spoken and written word, and action, for inheritance isn’t just the money and possessions loved ones leave behind when they pass. They are behavioral patterns found deep inside our DNA that play out subconsciously until one chooses to look in the mirror and across their past into their shadow.

All parents love their children and there are times when, in tiredness or over stimulation, imbalance arises. The child may tantrum by crying, not following directions, or some other non-conforming behavior, which can lead to feelings of irritability, judgment, and shame in the parent. This causes the adult to come out of balance, their own form of tantrum, where there is a risk of escalating across a continuum of yelling, screaming, hitting, or abusing. In any case it is withholding love and demonstrates the adults loss of control. This can be difficult to hear, but think about someone arguing over an object such as a toy or behavior in the store. If the stimulus (object out of balance) is removed from the situation, the toy from the argument or the tantrum from the store, one is able to detach from the conflict over time and move on. The adult may not finish their shopping trip every time, but the greater lesson is the difference between consequences and punishment. The consequence is losing the item or being removed from the situation, punishment satisfies the person’s desire for revenge, which brings us back to attachment.

As children and adults, we attach to the ideals presented to us. In families and society, our elders and institutions are held up as always deserving of respect, infallible. When something is done that goes against this core belief-see disrespect- it creates separation and the seeds of conflict, doubt, and distrust are born. This may seem insignificant until one understands the development process, which like Newton’s Laws of Motion, reveals that the attachment to our parents and our childhood-the old self, aka the ego- inevitably gives way to the true self assuming one does the work.

One way to minimize the trauma of this transformation, sometimes seen as “mid life crisis”, trauma, or spiritual awakening, is to minimize the damage caused by attachment, which requires communication. There is nothing more damaging than the lies we tell ourselves, or are told, and the only way to redemption is honesty, truth, and love. Interpersonally, this means stepping through assumptions to ask questions about friends and family to learn the bigger picture. It is the reason that diversity is so important, complex, but the truth is as simple as it is all inclusive.

In society, we see so much that has occurred in our name by our government and religious institutions that, despite proclaiming the sanctity of their doctrine’s, truth and accountability are skirted to their detriment. Like children who aren’t told about things adults may find difficult to share for various reasons, but can in developmentally appropriate terms, society knows better and it is reflected in the distrust and relational conflicts that stem from the attachment to the idea of purity and infallibility at all costs, in order to protect the guilty from experiencing shame. This is the reason su***de can be incomprehensible.

Numerous dogma across cultures speak of suffering due to attachment, evil tied to lies, and that through the darkness one is able to find the light. The paradox is that while attachments to people, places, and earthly things lead to suffering, adherence to higher principles will nourish the Soul. Only by questioning one’s own attachments and aligning with universal laws can automatic, default responses be brought forward into consciousness.

Once more and more are able to truly look at themselves, and be mindful of what they are adding or withholding, exponential healing begins across individuals, families, and society. It will occur in the present, followed by understanding and forgiveness that flows back across lineages, and to both those who may have wronged or may have been wronged by us. Like the the ego, it will not go quietly from the security of how things have always been; however, with compassion, trust, and understanding support from loved ones, going forward, tolerance and peaceful relationships can prevail.

*Those looking for deeper awareness and bringing their unconscious behavioral patterns into consciousness are welcome to inquire at bradleyaayers@gmail.com

12/28/2018

“Tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you are”.

Childhood wounds are not required to be caused by abuse or neglect to be traumatic. Psychological trauma include the seeds of expectation that sow fear and doubt in one’s being. It stems from the earliest difficulty, or developmental insult, and comes subconsciously passed from to generation across families and through institutions. Focusing on what you don’t want someone to do or rigidly expecting someone to be a certain way are examples of what we all place on one another.

For example, two children were in the ICU where there mother was receiving blood transfusions. The family assumed that they were fearful their mother may die, yet it wasn’t until someone inquired that they found out the children were afraid their mother would become a zombie. In other words, the openness to ask turned the conversation from assumption to acknowledgment, clearing the uncertainty.

The Eastern view of Will conceptualizes it in relation to Yin and Yang. Yang is superficial, characterized by force, while the underlying Yin directs to purpose and destiny. Imbalance oscillates between being paralyzed by passivity, or lack of assertiveness on one hand, to agitation and restlessness on the other.

Using Attachment Theory, Western Psychology states that children attach to caregivers in order to develop security. Attachment styles can range from secure to disordered, which are classified as avoidant, anxious, to disorganized. Both sides agree that resolution of these relationships occurs when one is able to look back in self-reflection. Thus, in order to live in the present, one must separate from identification with the past.

Will brings us true Wisdom, that which is, and comes by loosening the grasp of what is known, otherwise known as attachment, in order to detach, and foster a relationship with the unknown. In Psychological terms, individuation and differentiation describe the process of separating from parents and the old self. This occurs in the first few months of life and in adulthood when one grows into their own being and separates from the old self.

Separation from what is known, and embracing the unknown, can be a harsh, yet rewarding journey. This is indicative of the Chinese proverb “Tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you are”. It is this relationship with the self, out of honesty, trust, and love that allows one access to the deeper truth of the Soul, where one recognizes they manifest their own destiny through their core beliefs. Once acknowledged, forgiveness and healing of the self and others begins and the structures of distrust, deceit, and oppression wither.

If you are interested in learning more about yourself or how to manifest your own true destiny, feel free to follow this page or inquire at bradleyaayers@gmail.com

12/18/2018

The truth is not hidden,
It is honest.
Expose the heart to receive that which is.

12/05/2018

“Freedom is always worth fighting for, and Liberty ultimately belongs to those willing to suffer for it” Gerald Ford

It never ceases to amaze me what speaks to us. Whether dreams, songs, movies, nature, behavior, religion, spirituality, numerology, exoteric, esoteric, whatever it is, symbols, themes, and patterns abound. Over the past few months, I have been cleaning, tidying, and cleaning more. My apartment is nearly empty from the things I have either tossed or donated to goodwill.

Over the past few days, the principle of detachment has been on my mind, letting go. I spoke with my brother last night about how easy it is for others to see what we need to fix in our lives and the difficulty in seeing own blind spots or shadow. It reminded me of Alan Watts’ saying that trying to love yourself is difficult because you can’t kiss your own lips. I asked him about my blind spots and it matched what I have been working on this year so intensely and subconsciously most of my life.

It’s interesting how we can let go and get through the toughest part of our lives and fondly look back on them, only to have the next thing up be as tough or tougher. Part of it may be romanticizing the past, victimization, there is no wrong answer, but I think it’s simple: it wasn’t that big to begin with, it was all in our head. It is also self inflicted.

Today, I was washing floors and my bathroom. Something told me to clean the vanity, so I pulled everything out and began wiping it down. As I looked at the items residing in there, I thought, “why am I holding onto these?” I closed the mirror, looked at my hair and thought, “Why haven’t I ever shaved my head?”

A few weeks ago, I attended a concert and spoke to another brother about that very topic. I admire my brother for many things, one of which is his style. I told him as much and mentioned that I had never shaved my head, believing I had one chance to do that when I was hospitalized previously but, unfortunately, was not in condition to speak or think to ask for it. As I stood in front of that mirror, I realized I never did because I was self conscious. I wanted it done in the hospital because relatively few people would see. I was scared of what was underneath, whether indentations, ingrown hairs/pimples, and I also remembered a friend’s father saying that my head looked like it went through a meat grinder!

I thought of other situations I had come through, pondered their purpose in my life, and what I needed to let go of so I could get off the tough road and on the high one. Consequently, I did just turn in my mountain bike for a road bike, how’s that for symmetry? I digress ;) For the record: letting go is not forgetting about what happened, it’s acknowledging your suffering and choosing to do the work needed to heal. As Rumi said, “It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.”

I have done and am doing the work. There is so much to be done, but it will get better. What follows are the ashes of the past and the emergence of my highest expression at this moment:

I am an ENFP personality, Cancer Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising. In other words, I am a nurturer, emotionally intuitive and seek adventure and meaning. I feel deeply and, like the Crab, hid emotions from others and myself for protection. I suffered because I attached to an idea, materials, doctrines that I allowed to be imposed on me. This includes attaching to the stigma of mental illness, where feeling crazy, broken, pathetic, and otherwise less than are pervasive. I was physically intimidated, called derogatory names and ignored as I endured crippling physical disability with GBS. Finally, due to my caring and emotional nature, my sexuality has been judged and ridiculed by peers and superiors.

For years I have carried an identity of the victim and put a brave, happy face over it in order to cope. I am done being passive, scared, asking for permission, running from, or playing along with perpetuating the old, crumbling paradigm of duality. Judgments such as these are fear based attempting to provide the illusion of control. All or nothing, good vs evil, Rep vs Dem, male vs female, “if not now, when?” are all examples.

This dies today.

I know that the I, Soul, or the Higher Self, is eternal, the only permanent in an impermanent world. Life, including everyone and everything, is the expression of the universe, Creator, God, Allah, Buddha, et al in physical form. Judgment, yours and those of others toward you (outside of abuse and neglect, there is a difference between fear and danger) are artificial constructions, All that life entails is the opportunity to notice through our feelings, unify our hearts and minds in support of one another so we can grow personally AND all find peace ...and let what doesn’t serve us go.

For those that find themselves in judgment, you are free to leave this post and my circle. Those who resonate with this message, know that with all that I am, I intend to lead humanity through fear and unite hearts and souls together in love, peace, and harmony. I will do this by demonstrating higher principles and my own unconditional love so that those I touch can move forward as they are meant to.

There is so much to be done indeed.

Today, I shaved my head.

12/02/2018

You ARE the grass

I moved to Colorado in 2013 because I felt I no longer fit in Michigan. I had visited before and admired the ease and openness, more sun, tattoos, nature, mountains, and I wanted a fresh start. I lived in various cities along Colorado’s Front Range, along the mountains, before finally getting a job in my field, in Northeastern Colorado.

When you think of Colorado, one thinks mountains, white water rafting, Red Rocks Amphitheatre among other things. Northeastern Colorado is the Plains. It introduced me to tumbleweed, oil and gas exploration, and more expansive fields and farms than I had ever seen.

With the splendor scale came the inherent sparsity. Small, limited population spread across a vast territory meant that access to grocery stores or emergency services could take up to or over an hour. Cell phone service wasn’t guaranteed, nor was snow removal on many roads during certain periods or conditions.

I didn’t come from a big city, so I thought it wouldn’t be difficult to acclimate. Not knowing anyone, I concentrated on my work. I enjoyed a great connection with my supervisor but, after a year, she left. I had experienced people leaving before but this stung more than usual. Months later, a close friend and colleague did the same. It appeared as if people arrived and left in waves, the result of dancing with isolation.

I wasn’t fully aware of my sensitivity in the situation until my closest friend left, then a surgery took me away from work. As time went on, I became more interested in substance use than interaction outside of my four walls. I never felt so lonely or isolated in.my.life. Having previously emerged from the heartbreak of divorce, mental paralysis of depressive and obsessive compulsive disorder, and the physical paralysis of Guillain-Barre Syndrome, I thought I had endured the worst life had to offer. With a Master’s of Social Work, I thought I learned that which I hadn’t experienced; however, modesty and humility are eternal values.

After about a year, I had enough. I returned to Michigan. As I settled into my own place, I had a familiar visitor. In Colorado, I missed my Michigan friends and family. In Michigan, I missed my Colorado friends and family. I was alone. The constant in MY problem was ME.

The time I have spent on deeper reflection has been the most challenging, yet satisfying of my life. It led me to see “Home is where the heart is” and “The grass is always greener” as the proverbs they are instead of cliches I took for granted. Before, I always thought they were about a place. Now I see it is within.

I hold up this experience to show that no matter how much experience or awareness we think we have, there is more we don’t and can never know. When we stop looking elsewhere and look into ourselves, we find the greenest grass there is.

11/29/2018

Love connects, fear judges and blames. Both are tools to self correct. Our job is to notice and love accordingly to heal.

Energy Forecast: Lee Harris (December 1, 2018) 2018 has been a big year and as we move into this final month there is a strong energy of levelling up, partic...

11/27/2018

“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.” Juliette Lewis

*This was written in October and I wasn't sure if this was going to be shared due for many reasons. I have chosen to share for those who have lost and continue to suffer. It is my intention to share so others know that:
You are never alone, you are always loved!

This has been a difficult year in general, but it seems October and November have been especially so for many of us. During this time, I wondered why I didn’t feel like doing things that I usually did (parties, watching football, or concerts) and in a way, I felt like I was avoiding my friends. I knew something was changing or coming, maybe it was already changed and I was getting used to being in the new space. Then it began to feel like my high school days. I had been emotional for a few weeks already but, for the past few days, I was so hesitant, fearful, paralyzed with thoughts and dense feelings that I paced around my apartment, dropped to my knees in tears, or laid in bed as I noticed them work through me. This time, it brought things to my attention that I needed to confront and release in order to grow.

The difference between now and in high school is that, in high school, I buried the thoughts and feelings I couldn’t face and tried to use logic (my ego) to reason my way out of what my heart was showing me I needed to move forward with to heal and become who I am. Back then, I didn’t know which part of me to listen to for the truth. My heart was telling me that I was unique and to be me while my mind told me that if I was unique, no one would understand the tortured thoughts and ideas that were running through my head. It caused me to withdraw from things I loved and goals I had dreamed of since childhood, JUST as they were about to come true!

I had always preferred to be away from home, whether it was at friends’ houses or school, that was freedom to me as I could revel in socialization and fitting in. If I didn’t care for an activity, or desired to be in the company of another, I could move elsewhere. At home, I was stuck. You know the old saying, everyone else’s lunch is better than yours? My Junior year was different, no matter how much I tried through external means I could not escape myself. Things I previously enjoyed such as lifting weights, listening to headphones, watching TV, going to school, friends’ houses, even concerts didn’t bring relief as I continued trying in vain to distract myself from my tormentor.

The frequency and duration of suffering continued for nearly a year as my all my attempts at coping and reason began to fail. I grasped anything my mind suggested that brought relief including washing my hands, counting, avoiding certain colors, walking on certain paths, which, looking back, felt like perverse intuition, or that person trying to give you anything to justify doing what they want. It was as if my mind attempted to hijack my heart’s intuition to show me “I got this”, like a battle for my soul. I can say that with confidence because, after I had exhausted seemingly all possibilities, one more showed up that provided immediate relief: su***de. This came in the form of a suggestion that said, “Don’t worry! You know it’s not true and, on the off chance it is, just kill yourself.”

Su***de is a complex concept to comprehend from the outside and it is a topic deserving of its own space, perhaps another time. For the purpose of this space, I simply want to convey how I got there, what I felt, and share the lessons I learned in order to provide guidance to others who may find themselves, or those they love, on a similar path. Words that have always resonated with this experience include Nietzsche’s warning “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” The other, by the poet A. Alvarez, describes it as “a closed world with its own irresistible logic”.

After many months of struggling through numerous coping methods, I was down to two: It goes away somehow or I kill myself. The same scenario as before excruciatingly played throughout my body where I began to feel like I wasn’t grounded, just going through the motions. The thought of su***de was not what I wanted to do, but gave me peace when the torturous feelings arrived so I began entertaining simple and painless ways to go through with it just in case. During that time, I began drawing subtle images of methods on my folders in science class and was noticeably losing weight.

Having been in weight training and prepping for the football season, my internal trajectory was being revealed externally. The previous summer, I withdrew from my routine of 3 years where I had put everything in to weight training and football, to dropping the class and playing another sport instead. That Fall, I can recall leaning on the desk of a teacher who noticed and inquired if I was ok or if I was trying to lose weight. My parents would also inquire if I was alright and I assured everyone that it was. People could see the tip, just not the rest of the iceberg.

I was absolutely terrified but who would believe the things going on inside my head? My hope was that if I held out long enough, and through enough patience or struggle, God, High Power, the benevolent forces of the universe, SOMEONE or SOMETHING bigger than I would recognize my suffering and I would awaken from this nightmare. After all, I was not a sinner and had not done anything to deserve this, right? Or did I? I came from a great family, treated people well, had not been abused or traumatized, there was no foundation for these feelings. If I could just hold out long enough, it would either pass or I would metaphorically be sent a life preserver.

Help didn’t come from a knight in shining armor, the Coast Guard with a life raft, or a restaurant manager offering to compensate my meal for any undue inconvenience. As it turns out, I was to rescue myself and my choice was the raft. My energy and patience were being exhausted by the day and I knew time was running out. This was not like when my mom would set the oven timer to force my hand to do my homework or eat something I didn’t care for or go to bed, it was much more consequential.

One evening as I sat down to dinner, I took at look at my mom and exploded into tears. I was exhausted, broken, and accepted that it was bigger than I.. This wasn’t nearly the end of the this story; however, it is enough to make a few points. First, no matter how bad things get, we have choices. Second, it reveals the depths of the human mind, including the lengths we can go to hide from our darkest beliefs and fears. With this in mind, I hope to spread compassion and awareness for the struggle of those who make choices that are difficult for their loved ones to understand. Finally, it demonstrates the love and support that was always there waiting to help. We just have to ask.

Rumi said, “It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.” No one can completely take your pain, but being open to love and support can alleviate undue suffering.

11/18/2018

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

In the clinical world, the ability to serve is based on the combination of number of symptoms, their frequency, and duration. For you to be treated, and the cost covered by insurance, what you are experiencing must fit a diagnostic category. Treatment will then proceed using evidence based treatments which are based on scientific research and statistical methods that determine their ability to produce desired effects.

Being a licensed professional means you are allowed to diagnose and treat according to the law. It requires the Licensed Master Social Workers to take 45 hours continuing education credits that can only be satisfied with approved trainings. These can be include diagnostics around disorders, child, family and societal issues and the effects on the body, including development, or based on evidence based methods of treatment.

As an agency worker, my agency paid for trainings that allowed me to maintain licensure. The difficulty for me was finding a trainer or topic that I hadn’t already taken before. When I moved to private practice, the gap between my interest in acceptable courses and the cost to maintain my license led me to question recertification. At hundreds of dollars per credit hour, I questioned whether it was worth it to learn the same information I went to grad school, and am still paying, for and reviewed in the continuous education circuit. Another would reduce it to paying $300-400 to retake the exam.

We need systems in place to ensure the delivery of ideas and tangible goods, but to what extent? Signing up for Medicaid requires documentation, and it should, but it shouldn’t require a legal expert to decipher the instructions or be so difficult to have questions answered in a relatively prompt and clear manner. This isn’t just government, it’s large corporations too. Have you clicked a button on social media or various prompts on a phone menu and been lost in virtual purgatory? Many companies have help communities, FAQ pages, that offer assistance but your query must match what is cataloged.

The recent election process showed that for all the homage paid to our right to vote, including those who died for it, what we really respect. The immediate showed long, frustrating lines, voting machines that don’t work, and even questioning votes over technicalities, such as a signature or whether a box was filled in “correctly”.

Suppression in any form is not hard to see, but it can be hard to admit. What is evident in our institutions and systems, is also true for the individual. What we create with the best intentions, we naturally outgrow. Adding onto things meant to be let go, amounts to creating Frankenstein. Think about your jobs or relationships. Is it close to the original intent or have you created a monster?

Being true to your values may not be easy but it will free you from what confines you.

For me, this has meant letting go of many things lately, namely my professional identity. Many of you keep asking if I take insurance, where my office is and have offered to help me build my clientele. Even more have asked what 4 Degrees meant. I am grateful for your consideration, support, and patience but this blog has helped me to find the words I was looking for.

When I left agency work to create my own practice, inspiration came in many forms. The song 4 Degrees by Tool was prominent around that time. The lyrics “Free yourself from yourself” and “let me show you another way” aligned my desire to do what I knew was right for me and helping clients give voice to their struggle. Carl Jung’s 4 major archetypes of the Self reminded me of the breadth of possibilities that we each face and directed me to an image of a guide with a map/compass providing direction throughout the mind. The possibilities of topics were all encompassing, being open to everything and nothing at all, based on wherever one is in their present moment. The 4 in numerology speaks to stability, which I intended for my clients and hoped for my career. Finally, I came across a series of articles called Path of the Spiritual Warrior, 4 Dignities: Tiger, Snow Lion, Garuda, and the Dragon. These resonated for aligning with previous insights and matching the basic values that I hold dear through lessons from my own path.

I realize that my recent struggles were different parts of myself integrating into a new whole. I’m outgrowing what I found comfort in for so long and it is plain to see what needs to be let go. In order to do the work I need to do, and in the way I need to do it, I can no longer provide clinically licensed care, which simply means diagnosing and treating disorders within evidence based guidelines. I appreciate the work, and those who perform it, I feel that our focus on notes, legal procedures, and certification is more about legitimizing the profession instead of its true purpose: those in need.

My gifts lie in intuitive emotional intelligence and my love and appreciation for the development process, our unique journey. I can interpret behavior and communicate meaningful connections across expressions of energy from thoughts, feelings, and dreams to relationships and play. What is meaningful to me is relating with people on a deep level, hearing them and assuring them of their value. I do this in the spirit of “Tell me I forget, show me I remember, and involve me I understand”. I can post about what I see, show you how it looks related to myself, or help you acquire deeper understanding with respect to your own situation should you ask for more involvement.

I don’t pretend to know all the answers, but that is what I know to be accurate, according my truth in this moment. Parts of this, or none of it, may resonate and that is fine too. In the meantime, for those that it does, I will continue to keep you updated.