03/20/2026
Defensiveness is a common reaction when we feel criticized or blamed. Instead of addressing the concern, we often try to protect ourselves by shifting the focus, bringing up past mistakes, or counter-arguing.
The problem is that once defensiveness takes over, the original issue often gets lost and neither partner feels heard.
One way to break this pattern is by taking responsibility for your part, even if it’s small. Acknowledging tone, timing, or reaction can reduce tension and create space for a more productive conversation.
This post is based on insights from G3 therapist Jared Bonnici, drawing from his training in the Gottman Method, a research-based approach to strengthening relationships.