Speech Bubbles

07/03/2025

Play is often seen as a cornerstone of childhood but what happens when your autistic child doesn’t want to play with you, with others, or with toys? It can leave parents and professionals feeling confused but the truth is: there’s always a reason, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

Let’s break down why this might be happening and what we can do to support more meaningful, affirming interactions.

Reasons Your Child Might Not Be Interested in Playing with you (or others):
Monotropism (we’ll explain more below!)

Not developmentally ready (this has nothing to do with chronological age)

Not interested in the type of play you or others are offering

Prefers parallel play over interactive play

Enjoys solo play... and that’s okay!

Prefers sensory or object play instead of toys

Engaging with others is stressful (sensory overload, dysregulation, social fatigue)

What Is Monotropism?
Monotropism is a theory of autism developed by autistic people, Dr. Dinah Murray, Dr. Wenn Lawson and Mike Lesser in 2005. Murray & Lawson theorize that monotropic minds tend strngly towards a smaller number of interests at any given time, leaving fewer resources for other processes. Therefore, if a child is highly engaged in their specific interest, it can take a lot of energy to switch channels of attention to different tasks/activities.

So if a child seems “stuck” on one activity and isn’t joining in your play ideas, they’re likely not being rigid or difficult they’re simply protecting their focus and nervous system.

Rethinking Our Goals Around Play
You've probably heard the phrase, “All play is okay." We say it often here at Meaningful Speech. That’s because for too long, we’ve tried to "fix" autistic play to make it look more neurotypical. This often stems from a medical model of disability, which can lead to stress, dysregulation, and even trauma for autistic individuals.

The truth? Play doesn’t have to look a certain way. Your child doesn’t need to engage in pretend play, group games, or toy sets to be learning, growing, and connecting. Our job is not to direct or correct but to support whatever play style feels safe and joyful to them.

What You Can Do Instead
Meet them where they’re at. Let go of expectations about “how” they should play.

Avoid forcing or prompting play. Play should be joyful and self-directed.

Offer new items as suggestions, not requirements. Try bringing 2–3 familiar items and 1–2 new ones connected to their interests. Let the child take the lead.

Minimize clutter. Too many toys or materials can cause visual and sensory overwhelm.

Respect their readiness. Some kids aren’t ready for traditional “toy play.” Sensory-motor play, people play, or parallel play may be more appropriate starting points.

Be thoughtful about playgroups. Many social skills groups push neurotypical interaction styles that can be stressful for autistic kids. Instead, look for affirming environments with shared interests and safe, predictable routines.

07/03/2025

Here is a wonderful post about play from Meaningfulspeech.com:

Play is often seen as a cornerstone of childhood but what happens when your autistic child doesn’t want to play with you, with others, or with toys? It can leave parents and professionals feeling confused but the truth is: there’s always a reason, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

Let’s break down why this might be happening and what we can do to support more meaningful, affirming interactions.

Reasons Your Child Might Not Be Interested in Playing with you (or others):
Monotropism (we’ll explain more below!)

Not developmentally ready (this has nothing to do with chronological age)

Not interested in the type of play you or others are offering

Prefers parallel play over interactive play

Enjoys solo play... and that’s okay!

Prefers sensory or object play instead of toys

Engaging with others is stressful (sensory overload, dysregulation, social fatigue)

What Is Monotropism?
Monotropism is a theory of autism developed by autistic people, Dr. Dinah Murray, Dr. Wenn Lawson and Mike Lesser in 2005. Murray & Lawson theorize that monotropic minds tend strngly towards a smaller number of interests at any given time, leaving fewer resources for other processes. Therefore, if a child is highly engaged in their specific interest, it can take a lot of energy to switch channels of attention to different tasks/activities.

So if a child seems “stuck” on one activity and isn’t joining in your play ideas, they’re likely not being rigid or difficult they’re simply protecting their focus and nervous system.

Rethinking Our Goals Around Play
You've probably heard the phrase, “All play is okay." We say it often here at Meaningful Speech. That’s because for too long, we’ve tried to "fix" autistic play to make it look more neurotypical. This often stems from a medical model of disability, which can lead to stress, dysregulation, and even trauma for autistic individuals.

The truth? Play doesn’t have to look a certain way. Your child doesn’t need to engage in pretend play, group games, or toy sets to be learning, growing, and connecting. Our job is not to direct or correct but to support whatever play style feels safe and joyful to them.

What You Can Do Instead
Meet them where they’re at. Let go of expectations about “how” they should play.

Avoid forcing or prompting play. Play should be joyful and self-directed.

Offer new items as suggestions, not requirements. Try bringing 2–3 familiar items and 1–2 new ones connected to their interests. Let the child take the lead.

Minimize clutter. Too many toys or materials can cause visual and sensory overwhelm.

Respect their readiness. Some kids aren’t ready for traditional “toy play.” Sensory-motor play, people play, or parallel play may be more appropriate starting points.

Be thoughtful about playgroups. Many social skills groups push neurotypical interaction styles that can be stressful for autistic kids. Instead, look for affirming environments with shared interests and safe, predictable routines.

05/28/2025

Looking for something to do?

05/12/2025

03/04/2025

Again, my favorite, Laura Mize has created a great resource for learning to follow directions and attach meaning to words.

02/25/2025

https://youtu.be/O3obMfpcU80?si=-LQfk2fmILiql62-
Let's give our kids a chance to learn to self-regulate before they "blow." This is darling and maybe helpful for some.

'Calm Body Calm Mind' Lyrics: Verse 1I got a lot of feelings but I don’t know what to sayI’m jumping up and down yeah all I wanna do is playFlying through th...

01/26/2025

Love this ❤️

Credit: We Are Teachers

12/10/2024

There's a lot you can learn about a child when you're watching him play with a wind up toy.

Besides the sheer "fun" factor, actually there are at least 5 very important skills you can observe when presenting a wind up toy to a toddler. I always include a wind up toy (or 7!) during assessments because it's a great warm up activity -- for the both of you!

Here's what I look for....

1. Joint Attention
Joint attention means how a child shares the play experience with you. Does he look back and forth between you and the toy? Does he watch for your reaction? Toddlers who don't know how to shift their attention between objects and people often aren't socially engaged enough to learn language. They don't "get" that they should include others in their own play and experience. These kids may be described as "doing his own thing" or "super focused" because they have a hard time connecting with others, particularly when their attention is glued elsewhere.

2. Cognitive Skills

Cognition refers to how a child thinks and learns. We can observe several important early cognitive milestones with a wind up toy, and the ones I look for first are cause & effect and simple problem solving. When children are typically developing, both of these skills are emerging around the age of 12 months.

Cause & effect means that the child understands that one action leads to an outcome. With the wind up toy, I'm looking for how quickly a toddler understands that the toy must be wound up before it moves. Even if a toddler can't wind the toy himself (and most of them can't, which is completely normal!), he should somehow demonstrate to you that he "gets" the cause - that someone must wind up the toy first before it works.

Simple problem solving refers to how a child uses first one option and then another to accomplish his objective. In this example with a wind up toy, a toddler might try a few different actions in order to figure out if he can activate the toy. When a child ignores toys or doesn't try new ways to operate the toy, we can begin to think about how his cognitive skills are developing. Many times parents assume that a child who doesn't play with toys doesn't like toys, when the real issue is that there are cognitive delays or differences and the toys and play aren't meaningful for a child yet.

3. Receptive Language
Receptive language means how a child understands the words he hears. With a wind up toy, you can see how a child responds to a very familiar command such as, "Give it me." If he doesn't give you the toy as you requested, add a gesture by offering your open hand to see if he will place the toy in your hand.

Understanding simple requests such as "Give it me" or "Come here" or "Sit down" begin to emerge around a child's first birthday. If an 18 month old (or a 2 or 3 year old!) can't follow these kinds of directions, we know there are delays with receptive language, or how a child understands language.

4. Communicative Intent
Here we're looking for how a child asks for help. Most of the time, a toddler won't be able to wind up the toy so he needs adult assistance. When we use a toy that a child can't operate by himself, like a wind up toy, we're naturally creating an opportunity to measure how a child communicates.

We're not necessarily looking for words yet either. Does a child look at you as if he's asking you for help?

Does he give you the toy before you can offer to wind it up again? Does he indicate in some way to you that he needs you? Even whining is communicating, particularly when he's directing that "fussiness" toward you by looking at you or moving closer to you.

Does he take your hand and place it on the toy? Many times autistic toddlers will use an adult in this way. Although this is not typical, it does show that a toddler understands at the most basic level that he does need another person and it's the beginning of teaching him to truly communicate.

5. Expressive Language
Obviously as SLPs and other pediatric therapists, we're listening for any kind of vocalization a child may use during your interaction. Are his verbal attempts words? If not, is he squealing and laughing? Does he use any exclamatory words such as "Uh oh" or "Wow"? Is he imitating any words you use during your play together?

If a child is nonspeaking, we can still assess his very early expressive skills. Can he imitate any actions, such as clapping when you clap, and eagerly say, "Yay!" as you watch the toy move? Does he use any gestures, such as pointing at the toy?

Does he follow your point when you point at the toy? Although this is joint attention skill, it's very important diagnostic information for analyzing expressive language. Many times autistic children don't understand or use nonverbal communication, including gestures like pointing or waving.

Of course, this list is not exhaustive. There are other things we can begin to evaluate using a wind up toy, or any other toy for that matter! (Which is why I will always, always, always be a play-based SLP!)

We can note a young child's fine motor skills or how he uses his hands with a wind up toy. However, most toddlers (even those whose fine motor skills are fine!) will not be able to wind up the toy on his or her own!

We can look at a child's ability to attend and participate in a play activity together.

We can assess a child's ability to transition to a new activity.
And on and on and on...

"Where can I buy that?" My favorite places to purchase wind up toys are the same places I buy other toys - Target, Toys R Us, Walmart, and drug stores like Walgreens, especially during the holidays since wind up toys are popular seasonal promotional items.

Thank you Laura Mize for this wonderful information!

08/14/2024

We're continuing our look at vocabulary expansion ideas for toddlers who are already talking.

Let's take a look at the next language category...

Understands early pronouns

At 2½ toddlers should understand and use the following pronouns:
me, my, mine, I, you, your, it

Misunderstanding pronouns is a HUGE marker for language disorders in children and for those who will struggle with language processing including autistic children.

It’s very important that we address pronouns from a comprehension perspective to hopefully head off some of these difficulties before we spend lots of time and energy addressing (aka...correcting) a child’s expressive mistakes.

Target comprehension for “mine” by teasingly taking a child’s toy during play, but some two-year-olds become unpleasantly fixated on this task, so parents may not fully appreciate you overemphasizing this word! However, learning to defend your own possessions is an age-appropriate milestone listed on several assessment tools, and it’s critical for survival in daycare or preschool or even at home with older siblings.

Gestures are very helpful in teaching these early pronouns. Point to yourself when saying, “I, me, my, or mine,” and point to the child when saying, “You or your.” Teach “you” by pointing to the child and saying in a bossy, but silly way, “YOU do it!” when you’re both actively playing and having a good time. Include this direction in any play routine when you’re teasingly telling a child to take the next turn. Pretend that a piece is stuck in Mr. Potato Head and tell your little friend, “I can’t get it. It’s stuck. YOU! You get it!” My favorite time to use this is in games when there’s an anticipated surprise such as Poppin’ Pirates or Crocodile Dentist. Feign anxiety mixed with excitement and say, “I’m not going to do it. YOU do it!” Young children love the back-and-back-and-forth teasing while pointing to each other and saying, “No! YOU!”

If you feel like that's too negative, the sweeter, gentler way to target "you" is by exaggerating, "I love YOU!" or "I'll miss YOU!" using your same over-the-top pointing to the child. My little friends (and especially my grandbabies!) love this game.

Contrast “my” vs. “your” with body parts and clothes during games. Say, “Show me your hair. Where’s my hair?” and “That’s your shirt. Find my shirt.”

Teaching “my turn” is another developmentally-appropriate way to target understanding pronouns. Use gestures when saying “my turn” to help a child understand. Point to yourself when you're saying "my turn" and point the child when saying "your turn."

For toddlers with receptive language delays, it’s usually more helpful to model “my turn” for a while before introducing “your turn.”

One of the most common examples of difficulty with the reversal is when a toddler says 'Hold you," when he really means "Hold me." Of course what a child is doing is imitating you when you've asked, "Do you want me to hold you?" Just so you know, many toddlers with typically developing language may hang on to "Hold you" for a long while when they spontaneously ask their parents to pick them up. (I happen to know two 2.5 year-olds who are both talking well who say this...)

Children with receptive language disorders have a very difficult time learning my vs. your since it requires a reversal of the pronoun. For children like this, modeling the pronoun as the child would say it is a much better way of improving comprehension and production in this developmental phase. For autistic children who are highly imitative scripters and gestalt language learners, I usually save directly contrasting my vs. your for the next developmental phase.
(Laura Mize, Teach me to Talk)

08/13/2024

This is a touching and realistic story from actor Colin Farrell about his son with Angelman Syndrome. It is worth a watch.

Colin Farrell opens up for the first time about life with his 20-year-old son, James, who has a rare debilitating disorder called Angelman syndrome and why h...

08/13/2024

Need some ideas for vocabulary expansion? Try prepositions!

If you're wondering "What's a preposition?" let me give you a refresher!

Prepositions are location words.

Between 12 and 24 months a child with typically developing language learns to understand some early prepositions or location words including in, out, on, off, up, down, here, and there. Toddlers start to use those prepositions mostly as single words between 18 and 24 months. By 27 to 30 months, toddlers use prepositions in phrases. By 3, children understand and use more advanced prepositions such as under, out of, and away from.

Remember -- you must make sure a child understands the word before we can expect him to say (and use!) the word!

Here are my best tips...

1. Think about word placement. Many toddlers, and especially late talkers, learn new words best when you use them as single words and at the ends of your phrases.

2. Repeat the new word often as you talk - not just once or twice. Research tells us that we should plan to model a new word 12 to 18 times before we expect a child to try to repeat it. If you've seen The Late Talker Workbook, you'll know that best practice for teaching new target words is to model a target word OFTEN as in 9 times per minute!

3. Toddlers learn best by doing. Teach these words during context while playing using objects to demonstrate the concept. For example, if a child is playing with a garage, say things like, "Look! In! Your car goes in! In! In the garage! In!" Then when he's taking the car out, emphasize that word with "Out! Here comes your car! Out! The car's out!"

Include these words in your everyday routines too. For example, when he's taking his shoes off, be sure you're saying something like, "Off! Take your shoes off!" Or if you're walking downstairs, say something like, "Down, down, down! Let's walk down these steps! Down!"

One fun way to target prepositions is to use the child himself to model each concept. Place him “in” a laundry basket and then take him “out.” Lift a child, “Up, up, up,” into the air, and then back “Down!” on your lap. Climb “on” the couch, and then jump “off” to the floor. A toddler’s favorite way to learn “on” and “off” may be flipping the light switch or pushing buttons on the remote control!

While you might label and point out examples of prepositions/location words while reading books with a child or playing an app, please don’t rely on these as your primary method of teaching this important word category.
(Laura Mize)