Jose L Aleman, MFT

Jose L Aleman, MFT I provide empathic, effective and thought-provoking individual and couples therapy to adolescents and adults.

11/24/2025

It’s Thanksgiving week, and I want to name it in a way that feels true. I’m grateful for the Indigenous people of the Americas whose histories and resilience shape so many of us. The impact of colonization didn’t end centuries ago. It lives in our bodies, our families, and the ways we learned to survive.

I think about the adaptive skills that communities of color developed through generations of pressure. Hypervigilance, protectiveness, staying small to stay safe. These weren’t flaws. They were strategies that kept people alive.

So this week, I’m honoring the parts of me that were built from that history. Even the ones I used to resent. The anxious one, the guarded one, the quiet one. They weren’t mistakes. They were responses.

Gratitude, for me, starts with seeing those parts clearly and treating them with respect. I’ll be sharing more about that all week. Follow along ✨

11/22/2025

You have been holding a lot this week, both your own reactions and the space between your boundary and someone else’s feelings. That takes energy, especially for people who grew up watching the emotional weather around them.

Today is not about pulling away or proving anything. It is about letting your body settle so you can stay connected to yourself and the people you care about in a steadier way.

Rest can be a way of returning to yourself, not escaping others.
A quiet moment, a small pause, a slower pace.
Just enough for your system to reset after a week of practicing something new.

Take the time you need to come back into balance, so you can move through your relationships with more presence and less bracing.

11/21/2025

Before you head into the weekend, hold this.
You are responsible for how you show up, not for managing how someone feels about your boundary. People can respect what you choose, even if they are not thrilled about it. Their feeling is theirs. Your boundary is yours. Both can be true at the same time.

If you notice yourself wanting to fix their reaction, pause for a moment.
Let your body settle.
Let them have their feeling.
Let yourself keep the boundary.

This is enough for today.

11/20/2025

There are two difficult parts to setting a boundary.
The first is saying it out loud.
The second is tolerating the feeling that shows up when someone reacts to it.

If you grew up trying to keep the peace or reading every shift in the room, another person’s disappointment can feel like danger. Your body might tighten, you might want to soften your boundary, or you might start trying to soothe them without even thinking about it.

This reaction does not mean you did anything wrong.
It means your body learned to stay safe by paying close attention to other people’s emotions.

Here is the truth you get to hold now.
Their feeling is theirs.
Your boundary is yours.
Both can exist at the same time.

When you can tolerate that space between the two, you are moving out of performance and into real connection.

If this helped something click, stay with me for the next step tomorrow.

11/19/2025

There was a moment when I set a boundary with someone I care about, and they were a little disappointed. Nothing dramatic, just a small shift in their face. My whole body reacted like I had done something wrong. I felt myself wanting to fix it, take it back, or smooth it over before they even said anything.

They still respected the boundary.
The only one struggling was me.

I had to sit with the tension between their feeling and my choice, and it was just as hard as saying the boundary in the first place.

I am sharing this because a lot of us know this exact moment.
The wobble.
The urge to undo ourselves.
The fear of letting someone have their reaction.

Remember, their disappointment doesn’t mean you did something wrong.

If this is familiar to you, you are not alone.
We are going to stay with this theme a little longer this week. Stay tuned.

11/18/2025

Your body deserves a moment to settle.
When someone else has a feeling about your boundary, it is easy for your shoulders to climb up and your chest to tighten. That reaction makes sense, and you do not have to judge it.

Today is just about practicing one small shift.
Inhale, then let your shoulders fall a little.
See what it feels like to let your body have a bit more room, even if your mind is still unsure.

No pressure to get it right.
Just a small release.
A little more space.

11/17/2025

This week, we will look at what it means to tolerate other people’s emotions when you set a boundary. For many of us, our body stiffens the moment someone shows disappointment or upset. We learned to read other people’s emotions as something we had to fix or prevent, so even a small shift in their face can feel like danger.

Today is just about noticing that reaction, nothing more.
See if this resonates with you and how it shows up in your body.
Give yourself time to be aware of it without trying to change anything.

We will move slowly through this all week, one small step at a time.

11/14/2025

Change really is the only constant. Sometimes we resist it, but that doesn’t work. It just makes us feel exhausted. 😩

So, because change will happen no matter what, I really encourage you to face it head on. 👌🏾

I’m sure you’ve already faced all kinds of changes in your job: physical moves, changing jobs, relationships starting and ending. 💔

You’ve survived them all so far, so, keep going. You’ve got this! 💪🏾

11/13/2025

Days like this remind me that release doesn’t have to be dramatic. Sometimes the body just needs permission to stop gripping so tightly.
If the rain is clearing the air, you can clear a little space inside too—guilt, tension, self-blame… none of that needs to run your day.
A small reset counts. A softer moment counts.
Let yourself put some weight down today.

11/13/2025

We’re not shrinking anymore. We’re healing the parts that learned to stay quiet. We’re setting boundaries, finding alignment, and growing together. If that’s your journey too, welcome in! ✨

11/11/2025

I don’t know about you, but I was taught that being an understanding person means prioritizing the comfort of others while keeping my own feelings quiet. 🙊

The problem is that eventually, our own feelings can (and usually do) bubble to the surface, and then we blow up. 🌋

So really, bringing up your own feelings about a situation is more caring for you and the person you’re in relationship with. Bringing up your own feelings can strengthen your relationships. So why not try bringing up your own feelings this week! Tell people how you feel. You can do it! I believe in you! 🎉

11/09/2025

At my brother’s wedding, it was time for couples to slow dance. It was my first time dancing with my partner in front of my whole family—and I was so nervous. My body was tight, my heart was racing.
I did the thing I knew a confident, resourced version of me would want and that is go out there and dance like all other couples. So I closed my eyes and just… moved.

It wasn’t walking out there with a ton of confidence but it was me walking out there. It wasn’t perfect. But it was mine.

That moment reminded me: you don’t need to feel fully ready to take a step. You can still grow with discomfort present. You can still honor yourself for showing up—shaky, scared, and all.

Every small, imperfect step counts. That’s how confidence is built—one uncomfortable movement at a time.

✨ Be kind to what’s possible today. Move with what you’ve got. Eyes closed if you need to.

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