Akilah Vazquez, M.A., Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

09/30/2025

There’s a big difference between parenting and trying to control.
When you’re the non-custodial parent — seeing your child only 10–15% of the month — it is not fair to try to dictate or criticize how the custodial parent spends their time with the child the other 85–90%. The custodial parent holds the daily responsibility: school runs, meals, bedtime routines, homework, doctor’s appointments, emotional check-ins, and everything else.
Making assumptions about what happens in the other household or questioning every detail puts unnecessary stress on the child. It teaches them that love is conditional, that they’re being watched, or that they must “prove” they’re cared for. That is not parenting — that is control.
Healthy co-parenting means focusing on your time, presence, and consistency with the child. The best gift you can give your child is showing up fully when you do have them, instead of trying to micromanage what happens when you don’t.
Children deserve peace, not parental tug-of-war. 💜

09/25/2025

🌟 Why Reading With Children After Age Five Still Matters 🌟
When kids start school, handing them a book and letting them read independently can be tempting. But continuing to read with our children beyond age five is powerful.
✔️ It strengthens bonds through shared moments.
✔️ It grows vocabulary and comprehension beyond classroom lessons.
✔️ It builds confidence and fluency in reading.
✔️ It nurtures imagination and critical thinking.
✔️ It models lifelong learning.
Even 15 minutes a day—whether a bedtime story, a funny comic, or a favorite chapter book—can leave a lasting imprint on your child’s growth and your relationship. 💕
📖 What’s one of your favorite books to read with your child?

09/25/2025

I saw this post “I’m NOT the “baby mama.”
I’m the CUSTODIAL parent.
I am the PRIMARY parent.
I’m the MOTHERRRRR!…”

As a mother, I know the weight we carry every single day—the sleepless nights, the tears we hide, the resilience we muster—not because we want credit but because our children depend on us.

As a therapist, I see the impact this absence leaves behind. Children grow up with wounds from watching their mother do it all alone. They feel the weight of abandonment, internalize the imbalance, and learn what absence feels like before knowing what love should feel like.
And yet… society loves to criticize Black women for leaving toxic, unhappy, or traumatic relationships. They drag Ciara, Cardi B, and countless others for choosing peace. Meanwhile, absentee fathers—some spending less than 15% of the month with their kids—are celebrated as “Dad of the Year.”
Nick Cannon is a running joke in the community, but still gets less judgment for one failed marriage, 12 kids, and six different mothers than Black women get for simply moving on.
The double standards are loud. But BIG MOMMAS? We keep showing up, no matter what.
🌹 To every mother holding it down: I see you. I am you. WE are BIG MOMMA.

09/16/2025

This is a heartbreaking loss for this young man’s family and community. The incident has been reported as a su***de — and because we are in Su***de Prevention Month, it’s important to acknowledge that su***de among African American men has been increasing.
I lost my childhood best friend in a death that was called su***de; it was devastating and difficult to believe. Like many families in these situations, I have questions and doubts, and I know others do too. Whether this was self-inflicted or the result of harm by another, the grief and the need for answers remain.
In this month of awareness, let’s hold space for families, stop stigmatizing mental health, and push for better supports and investigations when questions remain. If you are struggling or concerned about someone, please reach out for help — 988 in the U.S., or your local crisis resources. You are not alone.

09/10/2025

Today is National Su***de Prevention Day
In recent weeks, I’ve had deeply personal conversations with clients—some mourning the devastating loss of a loved one to su***de, others bravely sharing their own struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. These moments have reminded me how heavy this pain can be, and how often it is carried in silence.

As a therapist, and as a fellow human being, I see the ripple effects su***de leaves behind. Families trying to make sense of the unthinkable. Parents and siblings carrying guilt or unanswered questions. Friends replaying conversations wishing they could have said or done more. And I see the courage it takes for those still here to name their pain out loud, to let someone else hold space for them in their darkest hours.

Su***de is not a personal failure. Depression is not weakness. Both are reminders of our shared humanity and the need for compassion over judgment. My hope today is that we can talk more openly, extend grace more freely, and remind each other that healing is possible.

If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out. You are not alone. Call or text 988 to connect with the Su***de & Crisis Lifeline.

💜 For the ones we’ve lost. For the families left behind. For those still holding on. You matter.

***deAwareness

09/10/2025

Since 2020, remote work has reshaped my professional and personal life in meaningful ways. Over the last two and a half years, I’ve seen firsthand how flexibility impacts not only productivity, but also family life.
As a parent, I’ve had the opportunity to be more available—whether that meant showing up for a school event, responding to an urgent call, or simply being present during the school day.
This balance has deepened my appreciation for workplaces that value flexibility. It’s not about working less—it’s about working smarter, showing up fully for both career and family, and creating a healthier, more sustainable way forward.

09/07/2025

✨ September is Su***de Awareness Month ✨
Too often, the strongest among us suffer in silence. Su***de does not always look like sadness—it can look like the person who is always smiling, always helping, always holding everyone else up.
This month, I honor those we have lost, those who are still fighting, and those who are walking alongside a loved one in pain. 💛
💡 Remember:
Asking “Are you okay?” can make a difference.
Listening without judgment can be life-saving.
Seeking help is not weakness—it’s courage.
If you are struggling, please know you are not alone. Your story matters. Your life matters. And healing is possible. 💜
📞 If you or someone you know is in crisis, dial 988 (Su***de & Crisis Lifeline). Someone is available to talk 24/7.
***deAwarenessMonth #988

09/07/2025

✨ “Names carry history, but love builds legacy.” ✨
💛 Blended Families: Love, Legacy & Lessons 💛
The recent debate about Ciara and Russell Wilson’s son having his last name hyphenated hit home for me. Last names carry history, legacy, and identity. For some, changing or adding a name feels like erasure. For others, it represents belonging, love, and a new foundation. Both truths can be real.
Growing up, I had step-cousins who I loved like blood. In my heart, there was no difference—we laughed, played, and showed up for each other as family. But even with that love, I once said I never wanted my own children to experience a blended family.
When my marriage to my son’s father ended, I began dating again with the purpose of finding a partner for marriage. In that season, my son experienced two very different realities. One partner truly loved him—picking him up from school, taking him out to eat, and building his own bond. I embraced his children too, making pancakes on weekends and sharing the joy of family. But another partner saw my son as competition, and that lack of love and investment left a lasting impact.
Those experiences taught me something I carry with me today: blended families can work—but only under the right conditions. They thrive when there is mutual respect, shared values, and a genuine love for the children involved. Still, if I had known then the long-term impact on my child, I would have chosen differently for us.
So when I see conversations about names, legacy, and family, I know it’s bigger than celebrity gossip. It’s about us, our children, and the choices we make. Because while last names matter, the true legacy is built through love, consistency, and the way adults show up for children every single day.
✨ Affirmation: My child’s legacy is not just in a name—it is in the love, values, and protection I surround them with every day.

07/22/2025

07/21/2025

Sometimes the hardest life lessons are realizing that people don’t value you the way that you value them, realizing that they aren’t choosing you, and that people do what they want to do for the people that they want to do it for. You don’t have to beg from those who see your value for what you need.

Occasionally, being around certain people stirs up a wound that’s so deep that you don’t know where it comes from or where it started, but you know that you feel the hurt. It might be a wound that makes you wonder why I was never chosen. Why am I not deserving of being loved? The reality is that you have many examples around you where you have been selected. Don’t allow these insignificant moments to break or disrupt your spirit.

06/15/2025

Grief is more than a process; it is a feeling of heartbreak from the loss of someone whom you can only love spiritually. As we enter year three without my father, I wonder if I will ever regain my smile. I smile, but it feels broken. I thought I was okay, but after leaving the cemetery, I felt sad. As a grown woman, I need my dad. I miss my dad.

05/30/2025

Hello, I hope all is well. Preventing burnout by doing more of what brings me peace.