04/28/2018
I have shared about my journey with infertility and pregnancy loss before. It's not something I enjoy talking about, it's definitely not EASY to talk about it, but talking about it has brought a lot of emotional healing so it's not something I refuse to talk about... not any more. I have my rainbow baby now, but I am still 1 in 8. I always will be. The grief and pain will never be forgotten. The eight and a half years we struggled shaped us. I am an infertility warrior and survivor.
This week is National Infertility Week and I’m painfully aware that not everyone gets their rainbow. This is what I wish everyone knew and understood about infertility and pregnancy loss....
From the inside looking out, you can never explain it.
From the outside looking in, you can never understand it.
But we can all try.
❤
>> 1 in 8 couples experience infertility or pregnancy loss. 1 in 8. 7.3 million people in the world. That means that someone - several people - YOU know personally have suffered and may be suffering now.
>> Most of us suffer alone, in silence because... this is NOT a subject that is easy to talk about ESPECIALLY when the subject is YOU. It's emotional. It's messy. It's uncomfy for everyone.
>> There are certain emotional triggers that come OFTEN with this journey that people just don't understand unless they've experienced infertility themselves. And the more educated people are, the better equipped we can be to avoid unknowingly setting these triggers off in our friends and loved ones.
Please don't misunderstand me... I don't believe in walking on potato chips around people all the time trying not to offend them. Those of us dealing with infertility know just how easy it is to have these triggers happen... hearing a pregnancy announcement, just seeing a newborn baby, hearing a child laugh, seeing someone mistreating a child... all of these things are around us daily, they always will be, and each one comes with its own set of emotions that the couple struggling with infertility has to learn to deal with. But there are a few things that I feel are easily avoided if there is awareness, and that's what I wanted to talk about. ❤
1: PLEASE don't ask people if and when they're going to have a baby. EVEN IF they already have a child. Secondary infertility is real, too. I know this question is asked by well-meaning and well-wishing friends and loved ones who just want the best, but it's really none of our business when or if someone starts a family. The only people talking about YOUR baby plans are you and your partner and anyone else YOU invite to the conversation. When that question is asked of someone dealing with infertility, it dredges up HUGE emotions in a person who is already on emotional overload, just trying their best to hold it together and really wanting to just forget about it for a while. It's hard enough to deal without people asking super personal questions.
2: PLEASE don't post fake pregnancy announcements. They're not funny. Like ever. Bringing life into the world is precious and shouldn't be the subject of jokes anyway. 1 in 8 people YOU know would give ANYTHING to be able to legit announce they're pregnant. Every announcement we see, real or not, dredges up tons of serious emotions - grief, loss, anger, jealousy, guilt and shame that we even feel jealous - that are no fun to deal with.
3: If you know someone is struggling with infertility, don't give advice. Just don't. ❤ I know it's out of love and a desire to help. Know that the infertile couple's best friend and worst enemy is Dr. Google followed by WebMD and a myriad of other books, journals and websites... We've heard it all. Seen it all. Tried it all. Had numerous doctors poking around it all. 😛 We've tried all the things you're telling us as well as ones that you've never heard of. Trust me. 😉 Don't tell us to just "relax and it'll happen," because that makes us crazy. Don't say "That happened to my uncle's brother's cousin and she ended up with triplets" because we hear that all the time, too. And for every one of those stories, there's 10 where it didn't turn out that way. Not everyone gets their rainbow.
❤ ❤ ❤ So what can you do? If you know someone is suffering with infertility or pregnancy loss, just be a real friend. Listen. Pray for them. Show compassion and support. Say "I'm so sorry you're going through this and I really wish it were different, but I'm here for you and I love you." If they're angry, be angry with them. If they're sad, be sad with them. Let them and their emotions be SAFE with you. Be a true friend. That right there is the BEST way to help someone. ❤
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Yes.... there's a National Week for just about everything nowadays. 😉 I hope that this touches someone's heart. If you or someone you know are struggling with infertility, know this girl is right there beside you. Together we can bring awareness, pull this out from under the rug of taboo subjects and help each other in the process.
