09/29/2022
As a life coach, I get to talk about goals… a lot; all kinds of goals. I stress with my clients how important goals are to their success. I mean what their real goals are; their laying in the dark, in the middle of the night, wide awake, heart racing, really truly, absolutely honest, “what I really want to experience is…” goals. Without a clear goal how can one know when one has succeeded? We talk about what those goals actually are, visualize how being successful with that goal would actually play out, what would happen, what would that look like, how would it feel.
And then we talk about what the perceived obstacles are, what the failures and set backs look like. From there, we build.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my own goals lately. Fascinating, and to be expected, how much they change.
At the moment I have several goals, but two in particular stand out: to engage in relationship from a place of genuine kindness and curiosity.
What does that actually mean or look like you, or me, might ask? It means that when I speak it is from a place of love, kindness, gratitude for your existence, it is the well of my own humanity recognizing, reaching for, and engaging with the fellow humanity in you. It means when I see, hear, or feel you doing a thing that does not perfectly match how I think I would see, hear, or feel given the same set of circumstances I pause, I intentionally suspend judgment or comment and I ask. I ask from a place of genuine curiosity, I ask to understand, to better see and know you, your lens, your motivation, your view, thought, word, deed.
I understand that every action; every thought, word, or act, all behavior is driven by the individual’s perceived needs or wants. I understand that every human, given the right set of circumstances, is capable of every human thought, word, or action. So how, why, this now? What need is being met? What goal? However self defeating it may seem from the outside looking in, I want to learn what got you here, now, where are you trying to go, what’s stopping you, what do you need to do (learn, shift, practice, let go of, grab hold of, implement, or extinguish) to get there? I seek to better understand which I believe is only truly possible through kind and curious inquiry. And so my goal, for myself, is greater depth and easier pathways within myself to kinder and more curious relationship exchanges, no matter the behavior I am facing . I want to embody kindness and speak from genuine curiosity, to see and hear and better understand the individual I am engaging with. I strive towards this goal in all of my interactions. I believe that my and others’ experience of life will be more rewarding, our human need for connection more fully met, and the chances of myself and those I love so very much in this world living a more peaceful life increased through this way of being; kind and curious.
You might note I shared what I am seeking ‘to do’, ‘to accomplish’. I also understand that I will fail. Those failures will give me experience to contemplate, learn from, and try again from. Those failures will give me a more complete picture of what I am trying to accomplish, ways my own thoughts, words, and behaviors get in the way of my own goals, and challenges to meet and “level up”, in short every failure is a gift of learning opportunity and possible greater understanding. Frequently throughout any given day I am asking “what is the goal”?
What are some of your goals? How do you want to be in the world, in relationship, in your personal life? Are you living to your utmost potential, achieving success (whatever that means to you personally)? If not, why? If so, are you sure that’s all you really want for yourself? I challenge you to be thankful for what is, but to also strive for more, whatever your next level dreams, goals, and aspirations are, you are worthy and can get there too.
If you need or want help clarifying, action planning, and working towards your goals, I’m happy to help you, just ask.
With much joy, love, gratitude, kindness, and curiosity,
-Heather
