Healing and Peace

07/29/2025

Right now, I am so busy that it feels like I am swimming just below the surface of the water using a snorkel to breath. I am busy at my underwater task and don't have time to stick my head above water and write a thoughtful post on social media.

Once the task is done, then I can stick my head above water, breathe in the fresh air openly and readjust my focus to what exists above the water level, which is everything else in the world other than the task on which I am currently focused.

I thought that I would briefly come up for air to share this with you, kind of like sharing a neat clamshell that I found under the water before I re-submerge. Finding this "clamshell" had nothing to do with my task, but I thought it worth sharing and maybe worth reading.

Have you ever felt like this?

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For more like this, see my blog: https://healingandpeace.com/blog/

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07/21/2025

You are invited to a special Sensory-Friendly Mass at St. Mary Magdalene on Saturday, July 26, at 2:15 PM.
This Mass is designed to be a welcoming and comfortable experience for individuals and families with sensory sensitivities, including those with Autism, Down Syndrome, intellectual and developmental disabilities, and others who may benefit from a less stimulating environment.
During this Mass, you can expect:
• Softer music or spoken hymns.
• Dimmed lighting.
• No incense.
• A shorter, more literal homily.
• A calming/quiet area is available if needed.
• The freedom to move around or utilize sensory aids such as fidgets or noise-cancelling headphones.
Our goal is to create a stigma-free environment where all are welcome and can fully participate in the liturgy as they are.

We are excited to see you.

07/15/2025

I've been thinking about intelligence and wisdom lately. I like to be known as smart, as someone who people, including my wife, come to when they want to know things. The problem is that my wife is probably wiser and more intelligent than me.

The other problem is that I am not necessarily a font of wisdom, at least on many, many things. I make mistakes, forget things, get confused, and think I grasped something correctly when I did not. Combine this with my desire to have cause to be proud of my great wit, stir it, bake it, and I've got myself some humble pie.

What has struck me lately is that wisdom comes from God, so I am wrong to try to locate it in myself and to try to take credit for it. Psalm 99-101 tells us the way to grow in wisdom:
I have more understanding than all my teachers,
for thy testimonies are my meditation.
I understand more than the aged,
for I keep thy precepts.
I hold back my feet from every evil way,
in order to keep thy word.

It is through knowing God's Law and keeping it that one grows in wisdom. It is pridefully foolish for me, then, to think that I am wise, given that I don't stop often enough to listen to God's voice and I have such a hard time following His will even when I clearly know it. The Psalmist has accomplished the level of wisdom that he writes about, not me, definitely not me.

Regarding my foolish tendency to try to think of myself as a source of wisdom, St. Ambrose has a reorienting reminder for me, "Let us always speak of Him: if we speak of wisdom, He is wisdom" (Enrrationes in XII Psalmos, 36, 65). I am to speak of Him, not me. Therein lies my problem. I have an attribution error, one of assigning to myself an attribute that belongs to someone else, to "The" someone else.

Still, even with what the Psalmist and St. Ambrose wrote, I still have this tendency to consider myself a source of wisdom. Maybe, just maybe, I will listen to one of my favorite writers on faith and morals, Pope Benedict XVI.

One can think of wisdom as the rightly ordered use of truth. If I possess wisdom, then I must possess truth. However, in On the Way to Jesus Christ, Pope Benedict writes, "Naturally, truth cannot be a possession; my relationship to it must always be a humble acceptance, in the awareness that I myself can endanger it" (p. 69).

There we go with humility again. I can humbly accept the truth, but that doesn't mean that I possess it, for if I am given knowledge, Pope Benedict writes, "that is a responsibility that puts me in the service of others as well" (ibid). Even if I possess wisdom, it is to "slip through my hands", so to speak, as I humbly give it away to others.

Now, this is a different way of looking at myself and wisdom. Thank you to all of the learned sources of wisdom who have received wisdom, not claimed it as their own, and given it to us in their writings and in the great example of their walk in faith. I am indebted to you, and by proxy so is my wife, who must tolerate my pride if left unchecked.

See my blog at this link:

Ask the Catholic Therapist for advice on your biggest problems here. Thomas Schmierer, LMFT is a Catholic therapist with a graduate degree in moral theology and this is his blog where you can find answers to the questions that really matter.

07/09/2025

Have you ever hit your child out of anger? Or have you ever treated your spouse transactionally?

In a recent post I wrote about the importance of making constant acts of reverence for God. Since then, it has occurred to me that we often need to grow in awareness of one another as beings created in God's image and likeness (cf. Gen 1:27).

If we were to make constant acts of reverence for one another as well as for God, we might never hit our children out of anger or use another person in a transactional sort of way. We would make sincere gifts of self to one another as is written about in Pope St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body.

If you sometimes hit your child out of anger, try taking more moments to pause and truly see your child. Take time to intentionally forget about what you are trying to get your child to do when frustrated and give yourself the chance to awaken to your child's being, a being that is always worthy of awe and reverence.

The same goes for if you are overly focused on fairness with your spouse. Self-gift is a way out of our sometimes-petty concerns regarding the balance of the domestic workload, etc. But before simply giving, I recommend taking time to first contemplate the goodness and beauty of your spouse as a person created in the image of God. Doing so can give you a warm and loving disposition as opposed to one of cold "martyrdom".

Let us all make conscious efforts to get in touch with our reverence for God, but also for our children, spouses, and for all human persons. Can I get an "Amen"?

https://healingandpeace.com/

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07/01/2025

I can only think of two reasons to follow any rule: it is good for me, and it is good for others — yet many of us embrace rules that serve neither of these purposes. An example of a rule that serves no good purpose is, "I should never complain".

To complain is to make a grievance. To grieve is a necessary and healthy function and is best done with others. It is good for others when we grieve together because it is emotionally connecting and enriches our lives. It is good for the "complainer" because a burden shared is a burden halved.

To embrace the rule to never complain is to isolate oneself unnecessarily. It cuts you off from others and can make you appear unreachable emotionally. It can also elicit shame in those who are susceptible to it as they compare themselves to one guided by this rule who can often falsely appear self-sufficient and unbothered by anything temporal.

So, let's be human and connected by complaining to one another as we see fit to do so. If you like this post, please post a complaint about anything whatsoever in the comments. I want to hear it!

https://healingandpeace.com/

Catholic therapist Serving Oceanside, Camp Pendleton, Carlsbad, Encino, Vista, Fallbrook, Bonsall, Escondido, San Marcos, Poway, Rancho Santa Fe, Solana Beach, Del Mar, Rancho Bernardo, San Clemente, San Juan Capistrano, Capistrano Beach, Dana Point, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Hills, Rancho...

06/18/2025

Yesterday I learned that St. Theresa of Avila once received through meditation that fear of the Lord cannot be foregone even once someone leads an entirely holy life. I understood this to mean that reverence for the Lord is at the foundation of any properly ordered spiritual life.

I know that humility, simplicity and obedience are foundational, but right now I'm thinking that reverence for the Lord precedes them, or as some might say, "is cardinal".

It seems that reverence gives birth to humility. An example of humility in action is to acknowledge and praise the works of the Lord, but would we even think of doing these things if we did not first have reverence for the Lord? Likewise, it is hard to imagine attributing some good work of mine to myself instead of rightly attributing it to the Lord, if I first had reverence for the Lord.

I think that humility probably gives birth to simplicity, but as I have just proposed, humility likely comes from reverence for the Lord.

I think obedience comes directly out of reverence for the Lord. If I am in a reverent state of being. I cannot obey unless I first remember to ask God what His will is before every act that I consider. This might make one think that they need to work on remembering to ask God what His will is, and while they might be right, the first task seems to be to always or often remember to have reverence for the Lord.

It is from having constant reverence for the Lord, that we stand a chance of remembering to ask God what His will is. Once we receive God's answer, if we continue holding onto our reverence for Him, we are likely to actually obey His divine will, quickly, calmly, and maybe even easily.

Thank you, St. Theresa, for taking the time to contemplate on the Psalms and for passing on your wisdom to all future generations. This gift is precious to us, or at least to me.

St. Theresa of Avila, pray for us!

https://healingandpeace.com/

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06/17/2025

I usually don't think of Baptism as nuptial, but it makes sense.

06/10/2025

Why Truth Matters in Psychology: A Catholic Therapist’s View on Objective Reality and Healing

In 2006, when I entered my graduate program in marriage and family therapy (MFT), I was skeptical of secular psychology, and rightly so. How could I not be when it sometimes affirmed the “goodness” of grave evils?

I knew intuitively to mistrust it, but there was something more than intuition guiding me. This article outlines the principles guiding my work, not as abstract philosophical concepts, but as essential prerequisites for deep personal and relational healing.

To continue reading on my blog, click this link: https://healingandpeace.com/blog/therapists-desk/why-truth-matters-in-psychology-a-catholic-therapists-view-on-objective-reality-and-healing/

06/07/2025

Today, I came across and read someone's 15-year-old blog post on simplicity and found that the message is needed as much today as when it was written. Parents of kids who are addicted to their phones, this is a must read. Insightful!

https://lessismoresimplicity.blogspot.com/

06/04/2025

There's hope for despairing, lonely wives of irritable, selfish, & passive-aggressive husbands when your husband can sincerely say these words:
· I habitually narcissistically make it all about me when my wife requests something that I don’t want to do for or give to her.

· I speak from a pseudo-needy place with no empathy for her. I counter-complain or sideways “blame” her.

· The net result is that in this context her relationship with me is a subtraction more than an asset, a draw rather than a boost, often causing despair or resignation.

The cause for hope here resides in that the husband's ability to say these words shows an ability to self-reflect and overcome denial.

When a husband pridefully denies his flaws and acts impulsively with no insight, hopelessness and loneliness is elicited in his wife. However, when a husband and can humbly discuss his limitations with his wife, then the couple can jointly grieve the consequences of his flaws.

Such mutual grieving reunites the couple to an extent, reduces some of the wife's loneliness, and inspires at least a little hope where previously there was none. In addition, the husband's humble acknowledgment of his flaws to his wife serves as a springboard for him to correct his maltreatment of his wife.

Wives of irritable, selfish, & passive-aggressive husbands, show your husbands this post so that they can be pointed in the right direction. They often try to fix things by trying to "fix" your emotions. They need to know that humbly admitting guilt is the best way to accomplish that!

Catholic therapist Serving Oceanside, Camp Pendleton, Carlsbad, Encino, Vista, Fallbrook, Bonsall, Escondido, San Marcos, Poway, Rancho Santa Fe, Solana Beach, Del Mar, Rancho Bernardo, San Clemente, San Juan Capistrano, Capistrano Beach, Dana Point, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Hills, Rancho...

05/30/2025

I love and agree with the message in this article, especially this powerful statement, "If we persist in turning a blind eye to the suffering of the world’s poorest and giving in to individualism and greed, we are turning away from God and from the good."

The article was written by a professor at Loyola Marymount University and was published in our diocesan newspaper. I am heartened to know that a professor who can see the Lord's will so clearly is teaching our young adults.

https://www.thesoutherncross.org/news/perspective-a-christian-response-to-a-nation-in-peril/

By Cecilia Gonzalez-Andrieu, Ph.D. These days, we hear about a constitutional crisis as the U.S. system of government unravels. Crumbling is the desire to do the work needed to nurture a sense of “we” in “the people.” Collapsing is the hope of e pluribus unum (out of many, one). And erased i...

05/21/2025

Su***de and so-called “gender-affirming” surgeries have much more in common than the politically correct would have us believe. It is fraud when a politically correct therapist leads those who are confused about their sexuality into a choice that harms their entire being. For love’s sake, therapists must embrace reality, not politically correct fantasies.

Therapists must see what is truly there instead of promoting dangerous lies. They must maintain objectivity when confronted with the transgender client’s confused and pain-ridden subjectivity.

Su***de for severely depressed clients seems to them a reasonable solution given their deep despair about their life’s situation. Severely depressed clients experience much emotional pain and tend towards hopelessness, so when a potential solution comes to mind that they can see themselves completing, they can sometimes generate some hope about that solution. Paradoxically, ending one’s own life is one of these potential, hope-inducing “solutions”.

Clearly, a therapist should not affirm any client’s serious suicidal intentions. Therapists and medical professionals should never help them to accomplish the act of su***de. Once the client is gone, they are gone forever. Death is permanent, while subjective experience is transitory, always fleeting or moving onto the next or the ever new now.

Likewise, seeking “gender-affirming” surgery seems a reasonable solution to those who deeply despair about their life’s situation. The emotional pain that the transgender client has experienced due to the existential reality of their given sexuality has included trauma, i.e., shame, abandonment, and attachment loss. They see no way out of the trap of their painful life as a man or woman and despair of continuing until natural death with their given sexuality.

The potential solution of “gender-affirming” surgery is something that these clients see themselves as having the ability to accomplish, and this idea carries with it the hope of escaping the pain of chronically experienced shame, abandonment, and attachment loss. Paradoxically, ending one’s own life with their given sexuality and instead living life with a sexually mutilated body is a hope-inducing “solution” for transgender clients.

Therapists with common sense know that they should never affirm any client’s serious sexuality-mutilating intentions. Therapists and medical professionals should never help them to accomplish the farcical “death” of the “former” sexuality. A medical professional should never do a surgical procedure with someone who has intact and healthy sexual organs and hormones just so that the patient can more easily believe in a fantasy. Such procedures are not acts of compassion. They are mutilating acts of deception.

We cannot always save a severely depressed client from the pain of living in their life’s situation. Likewise, we cannot always save a transgender client from the pain of living in a body with their given sexuality. However, we can always try to help both types of clients move away from shame and despair towards humility, courage, and hope. We can accompany them by providing them with human-to-human connection, that is, love.

Through such a loving relationship, suicidal clients can develop tolerance for their painful life situations. Transgender clients can develop tolerance for theirs as well, regardless of the body they have been given. It is through our love that the emotional pain of both types of clients can be reduced when they see from us that they are lovable just as they are. We mimic God and His unconditional love for us when we do this and bring both types of clients closer to the truth about themselves and what is possible in others. When we love them, they are no longer alone. They are loved.

https://healingandpeace.com/

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