Healing and Peace

03/20/2026

“Nothing is so powerful as gentleness” (St. John Chrysostom).

Escalation of marital conflict begins with harshness, continues to defensiveness, then to stonewalling, and sometimes leads to contempt. We know this from the research done by Dr. John Gottman.

Instead of using a harsh startup, Dr. Gottman recommends a gentle one. Gentleness is disarming and invites openness and collaboration.

Using a harsh startup is a poor strategy for getting what one wants, whether that be justice, understanding, or an acknowledgement of guilt by one’s spouse, whereas gentleness is more likely than harshness to get you all these things.

Nothing is so powerful as gentleness in maintaining openness and a mutually collaborative spirit between couples.

03/19/2026

“The home is a little Church” (St. John Chrysostom).

I feel moved by this quote. The images or scenes that it evokes seem lovely to me: an abode of peace, a family spending time together in their living room quietly attending to their own interests, a father leading a mealtime prayer, and each family member happily doing their chores out of a sense of love and responsibility.

My client families often come to me for family therapy because their “little Church” is much more chaotic and filled with strife and pain than the families in these scenes. They often present to me wanting less bickering and more harmony.

Over the years, I have come to see increasingly clearly that much of what I am to do with my families in therapy is to help them to consider one another. For family members to learn to be more considerate in their acts towards one another, they often need my help considering the motivations of themselves and others and how what they do and fail to do in the home impacts the rest of the family.

For me to be able to help family members consider the internal processes of one another, I, myself, must be an expert at considering myself and others. This requires of me habitual openness, curiosity and flexibility. I cannot and must not have a stance of being a know-it-all, because know-it-alls don’t learn much about others, about what makes them tick, about how to best love this person in a way that is meaningful to them.

When a family first comes to Catholic therapy, their home does not always look like the little Church that every family is called to be, but in time with the right therapeutic assistance their homes can be abodes of peace, filled with love and mutual responsibility, that is, filled with the things that call to one’s mind the words “The home is a little Church.”

03/18/2026

“Hope has two beautiful daughters: anger and courage” (St. Augustine).

A case could be made that what St. Augustine says here is only correct depending on the object of one’s anger.

Anger directed at the self while making excuses for a perpetrator can lead to shame and hopelessness, whereas anger directed at a perpetrator indicates a recognition of one’s own dignity and supports hope.

Shame and misdirected self-anger are not only enemies of hope, but also of good therapy. It is always a priority to successfully relieve toxic shame in good therapy. Often, this can mean figuring out at whom, really, one is angry, for when anger has found its proper object, hope has two beautiful daughters: anger and courage.

May all despairing clients seeking help through Catholic therapy reduce their shame and hopelessness while increasing their hope via directing their anger towards its proper object.

03/16/2026

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https://www.drfuhrman.com/health-concerns/23/depression

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03/13/2026

Beautiful story! Who knew that sometimes all we need to do to help someone to convert to Catholicism is ask them if they would like to do so?

03/12/2026

“Whoever thinks he understands the Scriptures but does not build up love does not yet understand them” (St. Augustine).

From what I know about St. Augustine, when he talks about building up love, he has the Holy Spirit and Church in mind. The Holy Spirit as God is Love. The Holy Spirit as holy is divine, not of this world. The Holy Spirit as distinct from the Father and the Son is Gift, that is, He is given by the Father. The Holy Spirit dwells within us, which means that He lives or stays within us. Staying or enduring is one of the hallmarks of love.

To have the Holy Spirit in us means that we have received a divine Gift and are called to unity with the Father, thus, to partake in the divine nature of God. It means that we are Christ’s body or Church, which is a weighty calling.

The call to be Church is a dual calling to be in obedient communion with all the teachings of the Church and also to have patient forbearance for those in the Church who might test our patience. While we may notice our differences, we must take care to refrain from divisiveness. Through peaceful forbearance, we abide with one another, not just in this life, but for eternity because love endures forever.

The Scriptures tell us all these things. They teach us about Love, about the Gift of the Holy Spirit, and about the building activity of the Spirit, the Spirit who stays. To not build up love, is to not understand the Scriptures. To create divisions instead of Church unity is to not understand the Scriptures.

Likewise, a person can have a doctorate in clinical psychology, have vast “book knowledge” of human relationships, and still not yet really understand how to improve or heal relationships. In fact, without understanding the Scriptures, one will not fully grasp what it takes for human relationships to flourish.

We need the Holy Spirit, the Spirit that abides, that never leaves, to dwell within us, if we are to stand a chance of having healthy, holy relationships, relationships that build up, not tear down. For whoever builds up love understands the Scriptures… and could probably write a good book or two on how to improve or heal human relationships.

A therapist who thinks he understands the Scriptures but does not build up love, does not yet understand them. Please pray for all Catholic therapists, that they may truly understand the Scriptures and build up love professionally and personally.

https://healingandpeace.com/

Catholic therapist Serving Oceanside, Camp Pendleton, Carlsbad, Encino, Vista, Fallbrook, Bonsall, Escondido, San Marcos, Poway, Rancho Santa Fe, Solana Beach, Del Mar, Rancho Bernardo, San Clemente, San Juan Capistrano, Capistrano Beach, Dana Point, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Hills, Rancho...

03/11/2026

I like the idea of fasting from single-use plastics for Lent that is suggested in this article.

Taking action in response to the cry of the earth might just be the Lenten intention you are seeking. Here are some ideas!

03/10/2026

“Late have I loved you, Beauty ever ancient, ever new” (St. Augustine ).

As most people know, St. Augustine had a strong religious conversion after years of going in a severely wrong direction. When he arrived at a proper love of God after his conversion, he could see, like all of us can, that the treasures of the deposit of the faith are always new even though they are ancient.

Likewise, God as an eternal being, is, was, and always will be, making Him always ancient, always relevant to the current moment, and always a source of hope for the future. The same could be said of the Gospel, for it, too, is ancient, will always apply to the current moment or be “new”, and is a constant source of hope for us.

The personal transformation that occurs through good Catholic psychotherapy bears some similarities to a religious conversion. For example, after going in a self-sabotaging direction for years, through good therapy one can experience a healing of the heart that makes it easier to make healthy choices out of a proper love of self and others.

The healing process of good Catholic therapy will nearly always involve a discovery or rediscovery of truths about oneself, others, God and humanity. These truths have always been there and in that way can have an ancient feel to them, even if they are newly discovered. These newly discovered or freshly revisited truths are also often a source of hope for the future.

I suspect that the reason that good Catholic therapy has so much in common with what we know to be true about God and the faith is that the ultimate source of its healing is not the therapist or the client, but God — He who is Beauty ever ancient, ever new.

03/09/2026

Can you think of anything that you eat that is living right up to the moment that you eat it? I ask, because I would think that if healthy food supports our healing on the natural level, that a living food would be among the healthiest of foods as long as that living food is healthy in the first place.

While I think that my principle is correct here on the natural level, I am certain that it is correct on the supernatural. The Eucharist is the LIVING bread. It is, of course, the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior.

By taking in this living bread with the right disposition, we can see tremendous spiritual fruits.

Likewise, I think it follows that consuming a healthy natural food that is living might bear tremendous health results. This brings me to sprouting.

By sprouting various types of sprouts right in your own home, you can eat something that is living and growing right up to the moment you eat it. Also, there is a growing body of evidence of the health benefits of eating certain sprouts.

I encourage you to do two things, if you are able:
(1) Receive the Eucharist at least every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation
(2) Give sprouting a try and see if it is something that you can maintain

I have found that the sprouting system sold by The Sprouting Company is very simple and the company supports you along the way after your purchase by sending you links to short, relevant videos at key moments during your first attempt to grow sprouts.

If you are interested in sprouting, here is a bundle from them that will get you started: https://www.thesproutingcompany.com/products/starter-kit-salad-mix-8oz. I don't know that I have a green thumb and I had success in my first attempt and the sprouts were tasty!

If you already frequently receive the Living Bread of the Eucharist and are experiencing supernatural benefits from that, now you can grow your own sprouts, eat live and growing sprouts, and receive the natural benefits of eating them!

https://www.thesproutingcompany.com/products/starter-kit-salad-mix-8oz

Why Sprout Salad Mix? Harvest a four-season salad mix with serious eye appeal and off-the-charts fiber from your very own kitchen garden. Or add a cup or two to up the flavor, protein, phytonutrient, and antioxidant content of any dish. Contains: alfalfa, broccoli, radish, mung beans, and green lent...

03/06/2026

“God created us without us, but he did not will to save us without us” (St. Augustine).

God asks us, “Would you like to cooperate with the redemptive grace that I am sending you?” Our “No” answer means we will not be saved, while our “Yes” means that we get to spend eternity with God. He always respects our freedom like this.

Healing through psychotherapy also requires the cooperation of the client with the therapeutic process. In successful Catholic therapy, divine grace combined with a client’s openness and effort leads to deep personal and relational healing so that the client can ultimately live his or her unique vocation to love with ever greater peace, holiness and joy.

However, some clients may choose to stay closed and not put in the necessary effort and so remain unhealed. A good therapist emulates God by always respecting a client’s freedom to choose to remain in an unhealed state.

God does not will to save us without us and, likewise, a good Catholic therapist does not will to heal a client without the client.

03/04/2026

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you” (St. Augustine).

I used to take this quote to mean that we will be restless until we die and go to heaven where we can finally be with God. How I overlooked that our hearts could rest in God right now baffles me. It seems so obvious to me now.

How can our hearts rest in God right now? Entire books have been written attempting to teach us how, but I will share one little aid here.

Try to only do acts from a place of heartfelt love for God if you already feel love for Him, conversing with God about your current task, his love, your love, and your gratitude for his creation and other abundant gifts. Consider all other thoughts that take you away from this focus as useless, if not impertinent, labelling them as such and then gently return your gaze back to Him and your current act of love for Him.

It takes diligence, but in time by habitually resting in God in the moment of our acts done for love of Him, our hearts will, for the most part, be satisfied now and forever.