Ataraxis

06/19/2025

Have you noticed how abuse so often comes with silence?

Not just the silence they demand from you, but the silence they create inside you.

They twist your words,
They deny what happened,
They mock your emotions,
They call you dramatic,
They tell you it is all in your head.

And little by little, you stop speaking.
You stop trusting your voice.
You stop sharing your truth.

But here is what they fear the most:

💥 You speaking up
💥 You showing the screenshots
💥 You telling someone what they said behind closed doors
💥 You shining light on the patterns they try so hard to hide

Even sharing the smallest example—
A text that made you shrink,
A moment that made you freeze,
A comment that made you question your own mind—
It matters,
It counts,
It breaks the silence.

Your voice does not have to roar to be powerful.
Sometimes it begins with just one sentence,
One comment,
One moment of saying, this hurt me and this was not okay.

If you feel ready, share something small in the comments.
Something they told you never to say,
Something they laughed at or denied,
Something that still lingers in your chest.

Let this be a space where your voice is not just allowed, it is honored.

🧡 You are not too sensitive,
🧡 You are not crazy,
🧡 You are reclaiming your power.

The world is ready to hear you.

06/14/2025

💡 Success isn’t built in a day.
It’s built in the moments when you choose to keep going.
When you write it down. When you recommit.
When you look at your goals and say:
“I’m not giving up on you.”

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Other days, you’ll stumble.
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06/02/2025

Understanding the Dark Tetrad in Relationships

The Dark Tetrad refers to four overlapping but distinct personality traits that are often seen in individuals who engage in manipulation, emotional harm, and relational abuse. These traits include:

1. Narcissism – This involves an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of genuine empathy. In relationships, narcissists often expect special treatment, become hostile when criticized, and may exploit their partner’s kindness to serve their own ego.

2. Machiavellianism – Marked by deceit, manipulation, and a strategic use of charm. Individuals high in Machiavellian traits tend to treat relationships like games. They may lie, feign affection, or pit people against each other to maintain control and gain advantage.

3. Psychopathy – Associated with impulsivity, lack of remorse, and emotional coldness. In intimate relationships, psychopaths may seem thrilling or intense at first, but they often engage in risky behavior, show no guilt when they cause harm, and are unable to form genuine emotional bonds.

4. Sa**sm – Characterized by deriving pleasure from causing others pain or discomfort. Sadistic individuals may intentionally inflict emotional, psychological, or even physical harm, and feel satisfaction when their partner is distressed or degraded.

These traits do not always appear in obvious ways. Often, people with these patterns are socially skilled, charming, and persuasive. However, beneath the surface, they tend to devalue others, view empathy as a weakness, and see love not as a bond but as a tool for control.

In relationships, the risks are serious.
People high in Dark Tetrad traits are more likely to gaslight, blame shift, isolate, financially entrap, and escalate emotional or physical harm if they feel rejected or exposed. They are often drawn to kind, empathetic individuals because such partners are easier to manipulate.

If you find yourself constantly questioning your reality, feeling drained, walking on eggshells, or being blamed for your own boundaries, it may be time to look deeper. These behaviors are not normal, and they are not love.

Awareness is protection. Education is prevention. Your safety and emotional health matter.

05/23/2025

Regret Is Not Repair: Understanding the Difference and Why It Matters

In many relationships, mistakes are made. A raised voice, a tense moment, or even a hurtful comment can occur. When these moments are met with honesty, responsibility, and a clear plan to change, that is what real repair looks like. But not all remorse is created equal. Many people confuse regret with repair, and in doing so, they stay stuck in harmful cycles. This post explores the difference between regret and repair, how to spot avoidance masked as sorrow, and what real healing looks like in a relationship.

Regret Without Change Is Not Healing

It is important to understand that regret can exist without responsibility. Someone can feel bad, cry, or say they are sorry without ever truly acknowledging the harm they caused. This is often used to bypass accountability. When someone harms you, then quickly shifts into a display of sorrow, they may be performing remorse, not offering repair.

A common pattern in these situations is the "circle of trying." They say they are trying, they say they do not intend to do it again, they say this is not who they are. They may blame you for the incident, claiming you triggered them or made them act out. They will tell you it has never happened before, and that it is not normal for them.

Here is the truth: if it truly was not normal for them, it would concern them enough to immediately seek professional help. People who are afraid of becoming someone they do not want to be will take action. If it is normal for them, they will avoid therapy. They will avoid being seen clearly. Because deep down, they carry shame they are not ready to face. That shame is not yours. It does not belong to you.

Regret alone keeps you locked in place, emotionally invested in the idea that things will get better when nothing changes. Repair, on the other hand, means they are taking action.

Avoidance of Accountability Is a Red Flag

A person who avoids addressing the harm they caused is giving you clear information. When they avoid talking about the details, deny the impact, or shift the focus back onto their feelings, they are avoiding accountability. This is a red flag.

Imagine your car making a horrible grinding noise. You would not ignore it. You would take it to a mechanic. Or picture someone cutting their hand deeply. They would not sit and cry, hoping it heals on its own. They would get medical help.

Emotional and physical harm in relationships needs the same attention. If someone harms you, then avoids getting help, they are showing you that this behavior is not accidental. It is a pattern they are unwilling to change.

You Are Not the Problem

One of the most damaging effects of performative remorse is how it can make survivors feel. You are not wrong for being hurt. You are not weak for speaking up. You are not the problem for needing the behavior to stop.

The real problem is when someone uses your empathy against you. When they cry to avoid being held accountable. When they rely on your forgiveness as a shortcut to healing. That is not love. That is manipulation.

What Real Repair Looks Like

Real repair is not a single conversation or a moment of emotion. It is a process that involves continuous, visible, and tangible effort from the person who caused the harm, and a path of restoration and safety for the one who was harmed.

For the person who did the harming, repair looks like this:

1. Immediate and specific acknowledgment of the behavior that was harmful. Not general apologies like "I'm sorry for everything," but direct statements such as "I yelled at you and called you names. That was wrong."

2. Taking ownership without excuses or blame shifting. This means no justifications like "I was triggered" or "You made me feel that way."

3. Seeking outside help from qualified professionals such as therapists, trauma-informed coaches, or counselors. They need to learn emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and healthy communication skills.

4. Creating and communicating a clear action plan for how they will address their behavior going forward. This may include regular therapy sessions, reading specific books, or implementing daily tools to manage stress and emotions.

5. Checking in with the person they harmed to understand the impact of their actions and asking what is needed for that person to feel safe and respected. This must be done with humility and without expectation of immediate forgiveness.

6. Demonstrating change consistently over time. Real growth is shown in a reduction in the intensity, frequency, and presence of harmful behavior. It is measured in self-control, not self-pity.

For the person who was harmed, repair involves:

Having their experience validated. Their perspective and feelings must be heard and acknowledged as real, not questioned or minimized.

Being given space and time to process, heal, and decide what they need. There should be no pressure to forgive, move on, or pretend everything is fine.

Feeling and observing real change before engaging in deeper vulnerability or emotional intimacy again.

Setting clear boundaries and having those boundaries respected, without resistance or punishment.

Receiving consistent and safe behavior from the person who hurt them, not just promises or apologies.

Repair is not just about making amends. It is about rebuilding trust, safety, and respect. It is a mutual process, but the weight of the work initially rests on the one who caused harm.

Growth Means the Pattern Changes

Change is measurable. What you should see in someone who is truly growing is a decrease in intensity, a reduction in how often the behavior happens, and an increased effort to repair when mistakes are made.

What you should not see is consistency in; escalation, or avoidance. Those are signs of denial, not development.

And for those who claim their abuse was reactive, know this, being triggered is not the same as choosing to harm someone else. Emotional regulation is a skill that can be learned. But it requires willingness and effort.

You Deserve More Than Regret

You deserve more than a cycle of harm followed by apologies. You deserve more than someone who asks for forgiveness but never makes the changes needed to stop hurting you. You deserve repair.

Because repair is not just words. It is action. It is consistency. It is accountability. And it is possible; but only when someone is ready to truly face themselves and do the work.

If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Whether you are navigating your own healing or trying to make sense of someone else’s behavior, your clarity is valid. And your peace is worth protecting.

Coming June 2025, the book Calm and Collected will take these insights even deeper. This resource explores the subtle dynamics of abuse, what often does not look like abuse from the outside, but deeply harms you when you are living through it. The book explains what real repair requires, step by step, and why it is essential for both the person who caused harm and the one who was harmed to get support. It is not just about ending abuse. It is about learning how to hold your boundaries in a healthy, grounded way. When you start holding boundaries around accountability, emotionally immature people will often throw tantrums. They may shame you, blame you, or avoid the work. That is part of their cycle. But it does not need to be part of yours.

Calm and Collected is written for survivors, advocates, and anyone ready to understand emotional abuse with clarity and strength. Look on Amazon for it at the end of June 2025.

05/21/2025

“Clarity creates direction. Alignment creates momentum.”
Let this be the week you choose your path — and trust your pace.

05/16/2025

What Is a Trauma Loop?

A trauma loop is a repeating cycle of emotional reactivity based on unprocessed trauma. When someone hasn’t healed from early or repeated emotional injuries, especially abandonment, betrayal, or neglect, they unconsciously recreate those same feelings in current relationships. It’s not logical. It’s deeply emotional and somatic (body-based).

How It Plays Out in Behavior:

1. Trigger: You set a boundary or stay calm instead of rescuing them.
Their body senses rejection, shame, or abandonment.

2. Emotional Flooding: They panic. They might not recognize it, but their brain perceives danger, not just disagreement.

3. Reaction: They lashe out, accuse, flip the narrative. Their system is trying to regain control and soothe the panic they feel.

4. Temporary Relief: If they get a reaction from you, even negative, it affirms the loop:
“See? I matter. I can affect her. I’m not alone.”

5. Collapse or Withdrawal: Once the intensity passes or they don't get what they want, they spiral into guilt, depression, or martyrdom. Then they may reinitiate the cycle with “I love you” or “I’m broken.”

This is not always conscious. But it’s deeply patterned.

Why It’s Like Addiction:

The chemicals involved, cortisol, adrenaline, dopamine—become a familiar emotional cocktail.

Even though it’s painful, the rush of emotional engagement becomes a source of aliveness.

Calm, regulated connection may actually feel foreign, unsafe, or disconnected to someone raised in chaos or abuse.

Examples of the Loop Addiction:

They says you’re “destroying them,” then moments later says “I love you.”

They accuses you of being cruel, then begs for connection.

They ignore your boundaries, but when you stop responding, they flood with more accusations or love bombing.

They are chasing the emotional spike not resolution.

Why You Can’t Interrupt It Alone:

Because the loop feeds on interaction. Whether you explain, defend, or stay calm, your presence gives the cycle energy.

To break it:

You have to step out entirely, like removing oxygen from a fire.

They have to recognize the loop, and be willing to sit in the withdrawal from that emotional high, which often feels like abandonment or death to a trauma wired nervous system.

Breaking a trauma loop requires radical self-honesty, emotional regulation, and a deep commitment to change without blaming others or chasing outcomes. It demands that someone sit with shame, discomfort, and vulnerability without turning it into blame or control.

Most people stuck in these loops don’t break free without consistent therapy and real inner work, in fact averagely less than 10% of people are determined enough, strong enough, or brave enough; because peace often feels unfamiliar compared to the emotional chaos they’re used to. Healing is possible, but only for those willing to choose growth over ego, truth over comfort, and accountability over defensiveness.

To those trapped in the trauma loop,

I am so deeply sorry. Not in pity, but in reverence for the weight you carry and the exhaustion you feel from cycling through hope, hurt, regret, and fear. I see the parts of you that are desperate to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel in control of the pain that never quite goes away.

You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t create the wounds that made survival feel like chaos. And yet you live in it, often alone with the echo of memories that never settled, and patterns that play out before you even realize you’re repeating them.

I’m sorry the world hasn’t always made space for your healing. I’m sorry if love has looked more like a battlefield than a balm. I’m sorry that when you try to speak, it feels like no one hears what you really mean underneath the words.

But you are not broken. You are not beyond repair. There is still something sacred in you simething untouched by the damage, something waiting to be reclaimed. I believe in the part of you that is watching this cycle and saying, I want something better.

You deserve better. You deserve peace that doesn’t depend on tension. You deserve love that doesn’t hurt to hold.

And if no one has said it recently, let me say it clearly, your pain is valid, your story matters, and you are not alone.

♡

05/15/2025

05/15/2025

Manipulation Is When They Focus On How You Reacted Instead Of How They Treated You

This is one of the most subtle, confusing, and emotionally exhausting forms of manipulation that exists.

It is called deflection through self-victimization, and if you are a good-hearted person who genuinely does not want to hurt others, you are especially vulnerable to it.

Let us break down how this form of manipulation unfolds step-by-step, using a real-world dynamic many people have experienced.

Step 1: The Subtle Provocation Begins

You spend the day with them. Throughout that day, they make multiple comments about the way you look.

These comments may be disguised as jokes or concern. They may say things like, “You look tired,” or “That outfit is… different,” or make facial expressions and slight gestures that hint at criticism.

This is not a one-time event.

It is repeated behavior. These are micro-cuts to your self-esteem. You feel it. You brush it off. Until finally, something inside you says, “I do not want to be treated this way.”

Step 2: You Respond With Calm Honesty

You say something simple and direct like,

“The comments about how I look today have been hurtful. I am asking you to stop.”

You are calm. You are clear. You are not attacking. You are stating a boundary.
This is your reaction. But it is also your response. These are not the same.

A response is when you witness something and speak up with awareness and intention.
A reaction does not mean you are being reactive or emotional. It means you are engaging.

Step 3: They Immediately Make It About Their Character, Not Their Behavior

Instead of acknowledging what they said or how they made you feel, they go inward and begin to crumble emotionally. They say,

“I am so ashamed of myself,”
“I cannot believe I did that,”
“I am such a horrible person,”
“I always ruin everything.”

At first glance, this may look like guilt or remorse. But it is not about taking responsibility. It is about performing self-loathing so that you feel obligated to comfort them.

Step 4: The Emotional Bait is Laid

This is where the tactic of deflection through self-victimization becomes clear. They want you to stop holding them accountable and instead focus on their emotions. They want you to say,

“You are not a horrible person,”
“I know you did not mean it,”
“I am sorry I made you feel that way.”

This tactic is powerful because it weaponizes your empathy. If you are someone who does not want others to feel worthless or ashamed, they are using your goodness against you.

The moment you console them, the original issue gets erased.

You are no longer the one who was hurt. You are now the caretaker of their emotions.

Step 5: You Hold Your Ground And Refuse To Reassure

You try to stay balanced. You might say something like,

“I am not calling you horrible. I am just asking not to be treated that way.”

Now you are met with a shift.

Step 6: They Double Down On The Guilt Flip

They say,

“You make me feel so bad about myself.”
“Why do you always do this?”
“You do not understand how sorry I am.”
“You never see how hard I try.”

Now, they are not just deflecting. They are accusing you of lacking compassion. You went from being the one who was hurt to being the one who is cruel. This is emotional reversal

Step 7: You Clarify Again, But Now They Escalate

You say something gentle and truthful like,

“My intention is not to make you feel bad. I am just saying I do not want to be treated that way.”

They explode.
They begin to yell. Not just raise their voice, but rage. They say,

“You do not care about my feelings,”
“You never listen to me,”
“How dare you act like you are the victim,”
“I am the one who is trying and hurting.”

Now they are using volume and aggression to collapse the conversation. They are overriding logic with intensity. They are intimidating you into emotional submission.

Step 8: You Try to Deescalate With Respect

You calmly say,

“Can you please stop yelling at me?”
“Can we talk about this without shouting?”
“I do not feel safe when you raise your voice.”

You are being respectful, grounded, and clear. You are not name-calling or escalating. You are asking for decency.

Step 9: They Yell Louder and Deny That They Are Yelling

In public, they scream. They accuse. They say things that attract attention. And when you ask them again to stop yelling, they say,

“I am not yelling.”

At this point, strangers begin to turn around. Some may even intervene. Because the behavior is no longer just subtle. It is explosive.

Step 10: You Begin to Feel Crazy, But You Are Not

This is how manipulation works. You were calm. You were clear. You were hurt. You tried to express it. And somehow, it became all about them, and how you hurt them, and now you are being screamed at in public because you set a boundary.

This is not your fault. This is not you being too sensitive. This is not you overreacting.
This is someone using deflection through self-victimization, followed by blame reversal, then emotional escalation, to avoid looking in the mirror and being accountable for how they treat others.

Why This Works On Good People

This works because good people do not want to hurt others.
They do not want someone to feel unloved.
They do not want to be the reason someone spirals.
They do not want to be the villain.

So manipulators use that against you. They make you feel like protecting yourself means abandoning them. They confuse accountability with cruelty. And they condition you to silence yourself to keep the peace.

But it is not peace if you are the one being emotionally silenced.

You Are Allowed To Say, “That Hurt Me.”

You are allowed to speak up when you are disrespected.
You are allowed to hold your ground when they try to make it about them.
You are allowed to walk away when yelling becomes their only language.

Empathy does not mean self-abandonment.
Compassion does not mean collapsing your boundaries.
Love does not mean tolerating emotional manipulation.

Let them scream.
Let them twist.
Let them collapse into their own chaos.

You stay grounded. You stay clear. You stay whole.

Because once you name this pattern, it will never work on you again.

Stay safe my friends.
Sev.

(Thank you to origiinal creator .7)

05/05/2025

Coming June 2025
Calm & Collected: A 5-Part Guide to Healing from Subtle Abuse

Subtle abuse doesn’t always leave bruises, but it leaves deep imprints on your confidence, your nervous system, and your sense of reality. This powerful guide is for the women who have been silenced in the name of “keeping the peace,” gaslit for speaking their truth, and left questioning their worth.

Those who beta tested this series are amazed by how deeply they relate, how much clarity it gave them, and how it helped them finally name what they’ve been experiencing for years.

Here’s what early readers are saying:

“This book said what I didn’t even know I needed to hear. For the first time, I saw my experience reflected without judgment, just truth. It helped me reconnect with the parts of me that got silenced.”
– Vanessa D., 34

“Every page was a mirror. The tactics I thought were ‘just relationship stuff’ were actually manipulation. I finally understand why I’ve felt so small in my own life.”
– Renee M., 41

“It gave language to the invisible. I wasn’t crazy, I was being conditioned. And now I feel more like me again—calm, clear, and grounded.”
– Tasha K., 29

Available June 2025

Kindle Edition: $5.99

Paperback: $12.99

Because staying calm and collected in the face of subtle abuse isn’t weakness.
It’s your reclamation.

02/05/2025

Taking care of your body and expelling parasites doesn’t mean you need to resort to extreme cleanses or drastic detox regimens. True wellness is built through consistent, everyday habits that naturally support your body’s ability to stay balanced and resilient. Incorporating anti-parasitic foods like garlic, pumpkin seeds, and fermented foods into your meals, staying hydrated, and maintaining a diet rich in fiber and nutrients can help create an internal environment where parasites struggle to thrive. By prioritizing gut health, supporting digestion, and keeping your immune system strong, you allow your body to function at its best without the need for harsh interventions. Wellness is a lifestyle, not a quick fix—it’s about small, intentional choices that nurture long-term vitality.

Several everyday foods commonly found in American households have natural anti-parasitic properties that may help expel tapeworms and other parasites from the human body. Here are some of the most effective options:

1. Pumpkin Seeds

Contain cucurbitacin, which paralyzes parasites, making it easier for the body to expel them.

Best eaten raw or ground into a smoothie or oatmeal.

2. Garlic

Has allicin and ajoene, which have been shown to kill parasites.

Eat raw, crush into honey, or add generously to meals.

3. Papaya Seeds

Contain carpaine, a compound known to eliminate intestinal parasites.

Dry the seeds and grind them into a powder to mix into smoothies or yogurt.

4. Carrots

High in beta-carotene, which is converted to Vitamin A, strengthening the body's ability to fight infections.

Shred raw carrots and eat on an empty stomach.

5. Coconut (Oil, Meat, or Water)

Coconut oil contains lauric acid, which turns into monolaurin, an effective anti-parasitic.

Eat a spoonful of raw coconut oil or shredded coconut.

6. Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV)

Creates an inhospitable environment for parasites by balancing stomach pH.

Mix a tablespoon with water and drink before meals.

7. Turmeric

Contains curcumin, which has antimicrobial and anti-parasitic properties.

Mix into warm water, tea, or meals.

8. Pineapple

Rich in bromelain, an enzyme that can break down parasites and their eggs.

Eat fresh pineapple or drink fresh juice (avoid canned varieties with added sugar).

9. Ginger

Aids digestion and helps eliminate parasites by increasing stomach acid production.

Drink ginger tea or add fresh ginger to meals.

10. Fermented Foods (Sauerkraut, Kimchi, Yogurt, Kefir)

Promote gut health by introducing probiotics, which can outcompete parasites.

Eat daily for a stronger gut microbiome.

11. Onions

Like garlic, onions contain sulfur compounds that are toxic to parasites.

Add raw onions to salads or sandwiches.

12. Cloves

Contains eugenol, which kills parasite eggs and larvae.

Add ground cloves to coffee, smoothies, or tea.

13. Cabbage & Leafy Greens

High in fiber and natural detoxifiers that help cleanse the gut.

Eat raw in salads or juice for best effects.

14. Oregano & Oregano Oil

Contains carvacrol, a powerful anti-parasitic.

Drink oregano tea or add fresh oregano to meals.

15. Black Walnut Hull (Extract or Nuts)

Used traditionally as a natural dewormer.

Available in tinctures or eaten in nut form.

How to Use These Foods Effectively

Combine multiple ingredients (e.g., a smoothie with papaya seeds, pumpkin seeds, and coconut).

Consume on an empty stomach when possible.

Pair with fiber-rich foods to help move expelled parasites out.

Stay hydrated to support digestion and detoxification.

These foods are not only parasite-fighting but also excellent for overall gut health and immunity. If symptoms persist, consult a healthcare provider for further treatment.

09/18/2024

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